- Member Since 3rd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 4th, 2018
Sonickillher117
I was not always a brony until my friend showed me the show Now I want all of the plushies
Sonickillher117
Joined 3rd Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
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Wat
Dafuq?
287031 "Wat"
Wat...
(I concur)
Well then...
That's just....
uh...
different.
Wall of text, frequent issues with word order, pronoun confusion, lacking punctuation, a lot of tells and little show, pacing issues, a complete failure to capitalize names correctly and big, random scene changes all the time. At least the spelling is good.
I know it was bad but it was my first one so ill get better
287147
This
This was a train wreck to read, I the concept was nice but could have been executed a lot better. It was hard to tell who was talking and what was going on throughout the whole thing. Has potential I say but definitely needs work.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m07cu3G0or1qze8f7.gif
Ummmmm.....
Eeyup?
I'm sorry bro, this is my impression of how the story was written- before you read it however, I want to tell you that I wrote this JOKINGLY, and that I do believe this story has a chance but is just held back by several flaws. Anyways, here goes, sorry for being blunt:
mah stroi bah DreZoma
"rarity y u gay"/? twilight said itching her ballsack
"twilght y u no bout sex weirdo" rarity replys "nonononopnon u idiot i saying u gay y u gay rarirt"??? 
so ten teilight zipped up hr p[at's 
nd ten rarity lol'd and tey set off to fnd flootershy nd twilight says "flootershy do u rly need to no tat raritys gay im sorry that will Just ruin ur ting w. her lol" ten fluttershy speaks "well i haveneeds lik noing mah frends are gay and stuff liike that1" 
"O.K.A.Y ten!!1!" so ten rarity went upsters nd flootershy cam up nd sad "rarity how u gay" 
rarity get angry "fluttershy!!1!! go away" and rarity was doign it w. a man "oh mah gaod rarity wtf your straight" i turn straight while ago "ok ten how do u do it w man" "wel let me show u" rarity say with a huge grin 
293154 wow, your cool bro
314532 It's been almost a week, why do you still care?
But you know what's even cooler?
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0r895TH4t1qkvbwso1_500.png
314547 umm... okey but still, smashing a computer and then burining it then shooting ur selff? thats mean. besides, im making a new one.
314643 I'm so exited I'm going to mash my face against someone else.
26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlit0R0XX1qia6abo1_400.gif
314648 oooook, make sure to use a toung condom
It was a good story. But it was rushed a little. Also some capitalization would make the story better. Like "That's odd." said Twilight. But other than that its a good story.
(Meanwhile)
329795Lol here is how it goes
um i am at a loss for words here, theres absolutly no description of events whatsoever, and all the talking sentences are mixed together, instead of being there own paragraph.