Sombra Writing Prompt Contest.
King Sombra is assigning the crystal ponies to different parts of the crystal mines. A young stallion named Ivory tries to stand up to him. King Sombra, impressed with the stallion's valor, names him head regent of the Crystal Excavation Project. Viceroy Theoria, a fellow unicorn and King Sombra's second in command, doesn't trust Ivory and investigates him as a potential threat to the crown.
(Rated T for implied M/M Rape and violence) This story also links with the Helioselenian Universe, but it is not required reading to understand it.
P.S. I like to know why you do or do not like something. I want to improve, so just tell me what you think.
Chapters (1)
I'm going to consider this short story an apocrypha within the Helioselenian Universe.
This was certainly an interesting read. However, something I did notice was that you had a lot of text walls. It would be best to try and break up paragraphs after about three or four sentences, or whenever a character speaks or has a thought. I also noticed one point when you called King Sombra King "Discord." One more thing I will point out is that there were a few spelling errors (Specifically with the word 'Aurora').
But overall, I thought this was a pretty good story. I really enjoyed it. You seem to have a spark of originality. I also found this to be a very believable in sight of King Sombra's rule—as not seen in the show, of course. Not bad for a one-shot.
I would recommend maybe dropping this in a group such as "Looking For Editors" for further guidance. Good luck!
Wow. This was brilliant. Loved it.
3345036 Thanks. Just out of curiosity, were you referring to my use of the word "aura"?
3345662
I was. Is that really a separate word? I guess you learn something new every day.
3345055>>3345980 I want to thank you both for the comments. I looked over and I did find two instances of my saying Discord. Those have been fixed. I know it probably wasn't as cloppity as one would have expected - I just couldn't have really imagined anypony associated with Sombra to be psychologically healthy enough to want a "domestic" relationship with him. Hence, the rape/desire to be raped as their expression of affection towards one another.
Aura: an atmosphere or quality that surrounds and is generated by a person, thing, or place. It is commonly used in New Age medicine in regards to the chakras. Hence, I appropriated the word for the purpose of the specific colors that surround the horn and object of a unicorn's focus.