Spike inspected his card. An ace a five and a two...twenty one.
.... That's not twenty one...
An orange coated mare wearing a yellow short skirt saw the purple and green blur rushing to it destination. What followed was a strong gust of wind that lifted the back side of her skirt, showing the white thong and carrot cutie mark underneath.
You should probably have more description of the progressing nudity, kinda just seemed like it didn't even happen. Descriptions are key in this sort of thing, and it shouldn't be to hard to do. The increase in quality would be well worth it
“When Rainbow Dash woke up she tried moving her arms, legs and wings, but it seemed pointless. The worrying mare turned her head, it was dark, and the room she was in reeked of death. When the lights came on, Pinkie Pie was standing in front of her, with a white blanket over a tray cart. She had on a dress that was made out of pegasus wings, cutie marks from ponies that went missing.” As Spike told them the story Scootaloo held onto the nearest ponies arm in fright and terror, which happen to be Applebloom. “She also had on a necklace made out of unicorn horns. ‘Hah Pinkie this is funny, the best prank you pulled yet.’Rainbow chuckled. ‘Oh Dashie I wasn’t joking.’ Rainbow turned and what she saw was something she wish she hadn’t. Spike took this moment to pause his story, raising the tension to new levels as second after agonizing second pass for the crusaders. Spike’s face betraying just how horrible disgusting and traumatizing his next words would be. He mockingly contemplated if he should continue when. “W-W-W-W-W-What?” Ask the four in unison. Their anticipation reaching its limit as they leaned in to hear the dragon’s words, even Sweetie and Scoots were listening in rapt attention. Spike mercifully continued his story. On the back wall someone had wrote “life is a party” in blood. To the side on a table with a spread of rotten cupcakes was the carved heads of Diamond Tiara, SIlver Spoon, and Peppermint Twist. Maggots crawling from their eye socket, noses and mouths. ‘About time you woke up. Wouldn’t want you to miss all the fun.’ Pinkie said with a sickening grin. Pinkie removed the blanket. Under it was all sorts of sharp objects: scalpels, knives, saws, a party blower, some birthday candles, and a ice pick. But what was at the bottom was her trusty pink handle chainsaw with stickles made for parties she called chainy. ‘Come on Pinkie this isn’t funny anymore.’ Rainbow pled but it fell on deaf ears. Pinkie picked up the chainsaw and begin to rev it. With one mighty pull the razor edge chains spin. She lifts it over her head and brought it down cutting off her left wing.”
Oh crap, not Cupcakes again. I was sick after reading it. I also was sick after the video. Although, I do rock out to Ready to Die from time to time.
why did you rewrite it?
3503568 I didn't. I just editing some parts
OMFG he told them 'Cupcakes' I certainly don't blame Scoots for making him stop.
3503706 ah
3503706
Should the first chap be called the Plain or the Plan?
Continue.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Is it over?
What happened to chapter 3?
3537567 still editing.
update man
.... That's not twenty one...
Yes!
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare”
“I dare you to make out with Sweetie.”
-POOMF, wing boner-......This got interesting.
OMG this chapter was hilarious!
Little help here please I'm dying of laughter!
well at least I'm going out with a smile
That was so awesome
in what world is an Ace a 5 and a 2 anything other than 18?
ULTIMATE CRINGE ACHIEEEEEEEVED .
You should probably have more description of the progressing nudity, kinda just seemed like it didn't even happen. Descriptions are key in this sort of thing, and it shouldn't be to hard to do. The increase in quality would be well worth it
4553642 they forgot the 3
Oh crap, not Cupcakes again. I was sick after reading it. I also was sick after the video. Although, I do rock out to Ready to Die from time to time.
Damn, stories like this always make me jealous.
Noticed some errors, mostly a lack of apostrophes where needed and quotation marks not positioned properly or missing