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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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VERY NICE!!!! Also, do you need proofreader? There are a few small errors in punctuation and some basic grammar (Like "to" and "too").
Hmm, took down chapter 16?
"Gilzia's knowledge in particular, was enough to be able to write a note to me in my own language."
Wait that's a good point how did Tia know about modern english anyways?
Secondly just because they're nice doesn't mean they're incapable of subterfuge, you'd think eric would know this.
There is so much shipping here you could put Maersk out of business. I like it.
You have this already written, but it's uncanny how my concerns are usually answered within the next chapter or two. Definitely starting to like this story for what it is; a story.
A trapezoid is a geometric shape with four sides, where two sides are parallel and the other two are not. The superficial muscle on a persons back is called a trapezius muscle, which is what think you meant here.
This is interesting so far, and that's saying something, seeing as I'm usually not a fan of anthro style stories. Your characterization is good, and as an aircraft maintainer (I was an Aviation Electrician's Mate in the US Navy) I was already predisposed to think highly of your protagonist, even if he is in the Chair Force (I kid). My only gripe is that I think you might be overexaggerating his knowledge of avionics somewhat. I served as a maintainer for nine and a half years, and I wouldn't be able to basically start an avionics program from scratch. I wouldn't even know where to start, aside from maybe some early gliders and the like. Now maybe the Airforce runs its maintenance in a vastly different manner than the US Navy, but I have a feeling that, like the Navy, the Airforce specializes its maintainers to either a specific level of maintenance for a specific airframe, or even a specific system or systems (hydraulics, airframe machinists, electricians, etc.).
Furthermore, even if he can build it, how the hell is he going to fly it, or teach someone how to fly it? Is he also a licensed pilot? Regardless, you have an individual who has no flight training, who is going to be attempting to fly an aircraft that has never been built before with parts he doesn't know the reliability of, in a location which probably doesn't have the infrastructure to support its take off and landing (Airfields, air traffic control, etc.). That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I hope you've thought about this. There's a lot more that goes into flying aircraft than just building the aircraft.
Lastly, I have to say that I think the Equis language, which you've put a lot of work into, and clearly a lot of thought, is sadly hurting this story more than it helps. When there was a constant language barrier it served to reinforce the alien nature of the protagonists surroundings, but as the language barrier became less and less prevalent it became conversely more and more annoying. In particular, the "Equish-izing" of the characters names is REALLY annoying. It's not like I can't remember who is who mind you, but it is foreign enough that it jars me from the narrative for a split second while I try to remember who the hell that is. These skipping little interruptions hurt the immersion of the story, kind of like in the old days when you had a record or a CD that was skipping. I'm not saying you should ditch the language, it does serve a purpose, but please... please... once he gets to the chapters where he has a working knowledge of the language, translate the names, dude. I can't be the only one who finds it jarring.
I know there are an awful lot of criticisms in this review, and I hope you don't see them as purely negative. I wouldn't have read 15 chapters into a story if I wasn't entertained. I don't dislike the story, far from it, I find it very entertaining. I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer if I didn't try to provide some constructive criticism, or at least some food for thought.
Thank you for writing, and I hope this finds you well.
So to get the full benefit of his magic nullification ability he needs to be starkers... Or in other words "go native".
We know what he thinks he said. Now I just want to know what he really said.
6287109 was going to go to ae/at school, but got a broken leg the day before going, and ended up having to go striker. never would have thought a game of flag football could have such an impact on a military career
6287109
He makeing a ww1 air craft, all he needs to know is how to make an engine and help the pony along the way. They are no ware nere a ww2 air craft let alone present day. Ww1 air craft were simply 2 wing to 3 wing gliders with a crampy engine and wire steering. They are not pretty but all you need is a history lesson and a basic understanding flying along with the will to see your work crash a couple hundred times.