Pinkie Pie accidentally finds and disintegrates an artifact that will set off the end of Equestria- And every other universe, everywhere, through all time. She and the rest of the Mane Six have to do their best to find it, and their best better be perfect. Will they get it in time?
On that note, where is it?
I know where it is! It's-
That was a rhetorical question, Pinkie. It's there for suspense. So people will read the story.
Oh. But it's-
Just be quiet, okay, Pinkie? You can talk in the story.
Okay! See you there!
Chapters (2)
erratically. The way it is now, it belongs in a clop fic. Also, you shouldn't publish chapters until they're finished. And if this is finished then you should lengthen it.
3803449 Thanks! Okay. I'll add more to this chapter. I guess it's different viewing it in edit mode and published.
Reasons why it is bad: It is too short for what appears to be an epic/hilarious adventure type fic. You tell way too much as opposed to show. You oughta have a bit more, say the point right before they begin the journey, done before publishing. There isn't really anything that good in it, but then the flaws aren't that big of a deal either in my opinion. I'll reserve my like/dislike until you have more done.
3803462 I added a little more.
Thanks! That's really descriptive feedback.
It feels like it almost falls a bit short, but the end isn't abrupt. I was able to read on through the second chapter without feeling too much of a distraction. :3
You captured Pinkie rather well in my opinion, but there is so much focus on her that the others feel a little flat. Pretty much, I only know its them talking because you say it is.
Some points feel a bit rushed while others are paced right. Kind of difficult to pinpoint exactly where.
Other than that, the basic structure is fine, yet there is some missing punctuation and a couple of typos hanging around. Still, a good read. I'm looking forward to more. <3
Now, for the 'authors helping authors' group, would you mind if you review my fic, 'You Never Know'? Its under the 'more than 30k words' group.
3924492 Thanks! I will eventually, I promise. I'm adding it to read later, but I'm falling behind in schoolwork.