Um- HI! Oh, sorry... Hi? It's Stagequill! Your friendly neighborhood actress and writer, ready to perform at the drop of a hat (Or in Chrysalis' case, the explosion of a hat). Hello world!
Celestia extends an invitation to an old friend- A friend she hasn't seen in years. How will this work? Is it to early for Equestria to meet with other kingdoms after all? Especially kingdoms with humans?
And will Ozma, Luna and Celestia still be friends, after all these years of being apart?
(This is a crossover with the sequels to L Frank Baum's 'The Wonderful Wizard of Oz'. I'll write a quick summary in author's notes.)
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Please do continue this. BTW, will Deety, Prof. Burroughs, Hilda Mae, Capt. Carter, and Gay Deceiver be making an appearance?
3799049 I mostly work with the original L Frank Baum characters, with a few Ruth Plumly Thompson. Like Kabumpo.
3799324
I'm guessing you might not be a fan of Robert Heinlein, then...
3799488 I actually haven't read him. I'm really into Eric Shanower's stories, though! Not the manga ones, the ones he illustrated himself. Blue Witch, Forbidden Forest, etc.
3799512
The characters I mentioned are from his novel The Number of the Beast in which the first four characters travel to, among other places Oz, in the A.I. continua craft Gay Deceiver. The novel itself if a great read, tackling ideas such as fiction vs. reality.
3799545 That sounds interesting. I'm more of an old-fashioned Oz fan...
3799560
I haven't been able to find any of the novels past the first 5.
What will Princess Twilight make of The Tin Woodsman or Tik-Tok?
3799571 Oh, gosh. You should be asking what Twilight and the Woggle-Bug and the Scarecrow will get up to.
Look up the Oz books on Project Gutenberg. They're public Domain, and all free online.
List of Oz books
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/42
3799589
Cool! Much thanks!
3799597
Project Gutenberg is super awesome for other things, too. E. Nesbit is what I use it for mainly.
I'm liking the story so far! The concept of Equestria existing out of the normal time stream is interesting, and I love the way that you portray Dash's enthusiasm for THE WONDERBOLTS.
A few pointers: there are numerous minor errors with capitalization and spelling, and you've misplaced a few quotes. I find that the story is good enough to look past these for the most part. One thing that I think cries out for fixing is the way Celestia addresses Twilight. The way she says her full name, "Twilight Sparkle", everytime she speaks to her is a little jarring. Try to make her sound more familar; she could just say "Twilight." That's my chief greivance so far.
Other than that, it's great so far! On to Chapter 2.
3804168 OKay! Thanks!
Have I mentioned how much I loveloveLOVE detailed feedback? It's, like, my best friend.
Good! This chapter had far fewer errors. I love the way you introduced Cadence and Twilight, and the "teleporting letter part" was clever.
As for things that need fixing: I'm not sure if you intened it, but one of Dorothy's lines makes it sound as if she has a very strong accent. This immediately pulled me out of the story, and what really confused me is that she never spoke like that again afterwards. If this was accidental, I advise you change it. Some of Ozma's lines seem forced, and in some places Dorothy sounds, well, rather stupid. I know she isn't the brightest of people (no offense to Dorothy) but try to give her more lines that aren't one word long.
Other than that, I'm really liking this. I'll keep an eye on it.
(Apologies for the harsh words. I just finished Fallout: Equestria yesterday morning, so I'm still coming down off that "literary perfection" high that that story induces in me.
)
3804223 Ah.
Okay. I'm struggling with a balance between the Dorothy people know and Baum's original slightly stupid, slightly jerky little girl.
Thank you so much! I love your reviews. They're amazing.
3804238 Why thank you. I'm just happy that someone actually liked my story for once and gave it an honest review. I figured it's only fair to return the favor.
3804262 Your story really is great. To tell the truth, when you asked people in the Writer's Group to check out your story, I expected something really bad. Your story was the opposite. It was wonderful.
3804267 Wow, thanks so much!!!
I like it.