The story of the first beings of creation, their children, and the beginnings of modern Equestria.
(basically what happens when a compulsive world builder is questioned about his headcannon)
Written for One-Shotober
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 13th, 2020
Templar22
Thank you to all who serve, and all who have served.
Templar22
Joined 3rd Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Jacoboby1 · 28k words · 121 2 · 4.9k views
- Jacoboby1 · 35k words · 103 2 · 4.7k views
- Jaytee · 10k words · 65 8 · 4.2k views
- Moose Mage · 62k words · 90 4 · 1.5k views
- Dapper Guy · 15k words · 38 4 · 1.8k views
- BRBrony9 · 600k words · 302 24 · 9.2k views
- MintMetal · 5.1k words · 88 3 · 2.1k views
- Shadicbro Brony · 26k words · 143 9 · 12k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.115 seconds
Total duration
995 users online
1,532,996 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
wait this is written by a fellow templar? Instant like and fav!
3291966 HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Did you actually read the story?
Very well written and possible to be somewhat real like celestia wanting discords reformation.
3291975 yes.
3292032 Well good, glad you liked it.
...
Isn't our new codex awesome?Scratch that, apparently you just have the pic of a BT and have no real idea what I'm talking about... pity.
3292043 I have a basic Idea on war hammer but I don't play it. Besides from what I heard chaos seems a bit more fun.
3292697 One of those players... yeah I guess there is something pretty awesome about a lowly sergeant ascending to a daemon prince mid-game. (uber annoying when that happens)
3292702 well I have been named Crazytemplar due to the way I get things in life done. Also that sounds fun, most of what I know is from a warhammer crossover story.
Very nice. I think I like the "biblical" syntax you went with. That aside, did you mention you needed edits?
"In the beginning, there
was" there were"so the
all fathertook" All-Father"They watched
everydayas" every day"
Howeverunforeseen consequences soon arose." However,"Some were pleased with the changes, others were not." is repeated twice (Some were pleased, others were not.)
"She was greatly
asaddened,""The remaining 7 were more" There are actually 6 remaining at this point (see also: "none of her remaining 6 children" which should be 5)
"as Discords grip grew" Discord's
"full length into his back., the" Really?
"into a building of mortals. His immense" should be joined (mortals, his immense), same with "more of her family. Until the"
Sorry if it's a little out-of-order, hope it helps you though!
3302584 My thanks mysterious unknown stranger I have never met before.
I'll get to those edits as soon as my next stories up.
3291992 My apologies for replying
a tadwicked late,I'm glad you enjoyed that, and I did have that in the back of my mind. I made sure that Discord didn't start evil, and I know that not everyone would have made them siblings.