Deep in the Everfree Forest is a magical pool that legend says will tell the future fate of whoever looks into it. A most unlikely pony stumbles across it, and sees his most unlikely destiny.
The only question is, has he been there before?
---A quick story of fantasy and destiny, just for fun and enjoyment.---
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh please say u are going to continue this.
saving the world, i like that.
I got the feeling the Narrator was the spirit of the glade - not a Genis Loci, but something like a Fair Folk, because the Narrator's reflection could be seen.
3287472 I'll take another look at that section. Thank you for giving feedback!
Hmm, yes I think you're right. The narrator has already spoken, and the overall impression ought to be fairly clear by context. That little portion was a tad redundant, and none too subtle.
No, Moonlight Is A Bear.
Omit "a" there
First three paragraphs of this are a weather report. Those don't bother me too much, but this is nearly 1/3 of your story.
Big Mac's hooves are a slightly different colored orange than his hair.
There are no hints before this point that we were seeing this from the perspective of a character in the actual story.
~
Not much to say about this one. I might translate it as:
"Big Macintosh drinks an Ent Draught as a teenager and becomes a Silent Hero of Legend."
Super short stories don't have a lot of meat to pick out of my teeth after finishing. A little polishing could do this one good, though.
For one, there's absolutely no conflict. It's really just relaying an event that occurred. We don't really get insight into anyone's character or motivation - the mysterious voice narrating it has no identity and no clear motivation. Big Macintosh is an object rather than a person. Nothing really interacts.
Don't stop writing, though, you've gone too long without an update~!
3290687 Fixed. Fixed. Not sure how to improve (i.e. it has to happen at some point). Pretty much, although I'll talk with you later about a particular point!
3287685
I'm not sure what I just read, but it reminds me of how my trials have changed me and how the memory of them never truly leaves. I don't now if you are planning to continue this, but there is potential for an interesting "ghost voice" that moves behind the scenes to try to communicate to Big Mac. I don't know... just a thought.