A pony wakes up in a crater. Who is he? How did he get there? Why is he so strange? Nopony seems to know.
Jericho Burn has no idea what happened to him.
But somepony must.
Human comes later.
Chapters (4)
Alternivity
Joined 4th Jul, 2013 ·
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before I start... I'm just giving advice, so take it as it is.
A little short but no matter... I see potential in this story
.... give the reader the things that you are seeing as you write this... like describe the background, surroundings, weather, give off signs of emotion (even though you did) 
,so the reader and imagine him/herself being there and feel what you feel...
A couple of suggestions...
Space your text... what I mean is double space it so it wont look all jumbled up and short...
Grammar wise: its good enough
also just to put out there is the lack of detail to where you are
Anyways thats all I can say for now and I want to see more...
As always Brohoof to you :^)
3269164 Thanks man. I appreciate the input especially after reading The Guardian.
*Returns Brohoof*
3271405 No problem and I hope you've enjoyed my story so far
Hey! You posted. Good to see you got the word count right. Finally. Hope this keeps up, I'll help you out with Theone2three's suggestions in future.
Have a pinkamena
Better
... more words and a decent flow of your story but some issues still exist... like I said earlier spacing your text will help your reader read the story with ease and will make it easy to spot mistakes... also all dialogue should be in its own paragraph like this...
"hi" she said
"oh... I didn't notice you there" he said with a smile
"hehe"
this makes the reader see what is happening and as said previously makes it easy to read and spot mistakes.
after that ... good job with your story so far... but taking my suggestions will give your story more a "professional" feel...
anyways brohoof to you and have a great day :^)
3291475 Thanks for the input. I write the way I do simply because that's how I learned to write. I'll give your technique a try on my next chapter.
3295543 thanks man ... it's a start...
Also i understand that you are just starting to have a feel when you write so don't worry ... I write the way i do from experience and you will eventually learn the perfect style for your stories
well brohoof to you and have a great day :^)
i think this is a very good story so far.
i can't wait to read the next chapter.
3327057 Thanks bro. Feels so good to have something I've written getting a positive response.
i think this story is going to be very good.
i can't wait to read the next chapter.
And we now know how spike lost his magestic mustache
Welp, it'll big interesting to see how Jericho h n'Designer this champion. Hopefully it's luna or twilight. Or maybe a solar knight, though wasn't twilight knighted following the whole discord issue? When is tis story Sy anyway?
EDIT: I have no idea what I meant when I wrote this. Welp.
I must say this story is fascinating and overly brilliant. Well done alternatively. I look forward to your newer chapters.