As awareness returned, again, (I'm getting sick of this) I felt hooves, accompanied by the voice of Fluttershy, "Oh I hope the poor thing's alright, it would be absolutely terrible if it's in pain!"
"Whoever's touching me, stop," I said grouchily, not opening my eyes.
"Eeep!" yelped Fluttershy, "I'm so very sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!"
"Good to hear. Now, Fluttershy, do me one favor and tell me what happened to me this time."
"Oh well, um... Spike-"
"Who, in the Actual Fucking Hell, is Spike?" I demanded, halting Fluttershy's explanation.
"H-He's Twilight a-a-assistant!"
"Let me guess, he's a small purple and green reptile, right?" I asked, cursing internally as she confirmed my suspicion.
"Why do you want to know about Spike?" came a second voice, one I couldn't identify.
"Oh, you know, just making sure I didn't kill him and all. Those cuts I gave him were pretty nasty. But, enough about that useless fool, who are you, mysterious voice?"
"You may address me as Princess Celestia," said the voice.
"Oh wonderful! I've caught the attention of royalty!" I said, layering on the sarcasm, "What do you want of me your majesty?"
"I came to assess whether you pose a threat to my little ponies," answered the regal voice of Celestia.
"And what has your assessment yielded?" I smirked, opening my eyes. All I saw was black, " Blindfold? Cute ," I thought to myself. I blinked twice and everything turned a brilliant blue. I turned my head and spotted two auras, one was was pale yellow, " Fluttershy ," I thought, the other was larger and golden, " I figure that's the Princess ."
I tried to sit up but felt a strap across my chest, I pushed out harder and felt the strap give out.
Both Fluttershy and the Princess gasped and stepped back as I freed myself of my restraints. I watched Celestia step forward as I swung my legs off the bed. Time slowed down as I darted around the beam of her magic, I curled my fingers instinctively and swung my arm, stopping my fist millimeters from her face. I saw fear and horror in her as I withdrew my fist,
"What do my actions say about me?" I smirked, removing my blindfold.
"They tell me that you are dangerous if threatened, and that you have the ability to stop yourself going too far."
I looked at my new appendages, "These fingers of mine are quite interesting aren't they?" I said, tapping my forefinger with my thumb. Fire erupted from my palm, "AAAAAGGGHHH! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY AM I ON FIRE?" I cried out, waving my hand maniacally. The fire flickered out and I examined my hand not feeling any burns, "Weird, I haven't been burned by the fire. I wonder... " I muttered, tapping my forefinger with my thumb. Once again fire flared in the palm of my hand, but this time I didn't panic, instead I focused on the flame, trying to control it. I felt energy being drawn from the air into the flame.
"H-How are you doing that?" Celestia asked, both herself and Fluttershy gaping at the flickering flame in my hand.
"I have no idea!" I said with childish glee.
"C-Could y-you please put i-it o-out, i-if y-you d-don't m-m-mind?" Fluttershy begged cowering.
I flicked my wrist and extinguished the flame, "There we go!" I said brightly.
"Come with me," demanded Celestia.
"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
"Well then, I'm right behind you!" I grinned stupidly and followed the Princess out the door.
I followed Celestia through the streets, smirking at the reactions of the ponies we passed. As we walked I spotted movement in the shadows, suddenly from the shadow burst a pony with a teal coat, pale green mane and yellow eyes. I was so surprised by this that I didn't move until she tackled me to the ground. "Omigosh omigosh omigosh! A human! An actual human!"
"Get off me please," I asked, slowly lifting my hand to the side of her head.
"Oh-oh-oh-oh, what instruments can you play? What's it like on two legs? Omigosh! You have actual fingers!" she giggled like a child in a confectionery store, ignoring my request.
"STOP TALKING!"
"Oh, right, sorry," she said with a more subdued, sheepish tone.
"Good. Now get off me before I burn your face off."
"Huh?"
"You have to the count of five to remove yourself from my person, after which, I burn your face until it falls off," I deadpanned.
"How would you even do that?" she asked, not moving.
"One." I lit a flame in my hand. The mare gaped at the fire.
"Two." I pushed energy into the fire making it glow brighter.
"Three." I pointed my hand out as fire shrouded it.
"Enough," said Celestia, "Lyra get off the poor human."
The mare climbed off me and I was soon on my feet again.
"Thanks for that," I said, earning a cold glare from the Princess.
"If you ever threaten one of my subjects like that again..." she said, her voice bitter and icy.
"What'll you do? Lock me in a hole where I'll never see the sun? No, you'll banish me to the Moon! Or, even worse, you'll make me listen to your sanctimonious 'holier than thou' act forever!" at my final comment I burst out laughing.
I felt magic grip my neck and lift me off the ground. I closed my eyes, dropped my smile and yelled to the town, "Go ahead Celestia, kill me, prove to your precious subjects that you're not the benevolent ruler they obviously think you are!"
"That's not what I do, execution is not something I ever permitted."
"Then put me down and prove to me that you're too weak to deal with an actual threat to your people!" I yelled not at her, but at the ponies in earshot, then I lowered my voice and looked at Celestia, "Or, you can take the third option."
"What would that be?" she asked.
"A wager," I said a smile crept onto my face.
"What are the conditions of this bet?"
"If I can beat your greatest champion, you leave me to do as I please," I gave a cocky grin.
"And should you lose?" she asked with skepticism.
"I submit to whatever you want to do with me," I said, shrugging casually. "And, seeing as I set the challenge, your champion may choose the where,when and weapon. Until such a time as your champion selects the conditions of our engagement, I will stay as a guest in your castle with all its facilities at my disposal. So then, do we have a deal?"
"Yes, I accept your terms. We shall depart immediately," Celestia decreed and released her magic.
"First, my dear Princess, I have some things to retrieve."
"Very well, go fetch whatever you must, then meet me at the train station. Just don't hurt anypony."
"You got it ma'am," I said with a salute.
I turned and ran off toward the tree near the center of Ponyville. I had to slow down to a walk as I near the town square as a large crowd had gathered there. I walked through the crowd with relative ease due to most ponies moving out of my way as I approached. As I neared the edge of the horde of ponies, I was intercepted by a cyan mare with a rainbow mane. "What do you want, Rainbow Dash?"
"Wha- How did you know my name, freak?" she asked.
"We've met."
"I would remember meeting you."
"Apparently not. We met shortly after I took Twilight to the hospital. You attacked me and I defened myself. Ring a bell?"
"J-Jericho?"
"Hi," I grinned and waved.
"What happened?"
"No idea. Now, I have to go, so if you'd excuse me."
"But-"
"Not now."
"You're -"
"I did say I have to go, right?"
"That-"
"Move. Now." I stepped forward, pushed her out my way and continued toward the library.
"Rude much?" called Rainbow.
"Don't care!" I retorted as I continued toward the library.
I walked up to the door in the side of the tree. Reaching down, I opened the door and stepped inside. Walking through the library I picked up the sound of cooking coming from another room, "Hello? Anyone home?" I asked.
"Just a minute!" called Spike. Fuck.
I sat on one of the couches and decided to try and figure out how my flames work. I ignited a small fire in my palm and looked into its magic. I saw different streams of magic pour into my forefinger and through the bones to my palm where they converged, forming a single stream that fueled the fire. I examined my finger at the point the magic gathered and saw a rune carved into the bone. I looked at the other bones in my hand and saw different symbols carved in each. I put out the flame in my palm and tapped the tip of my middle finger. From nowhere a ball of water formed in my palm, I flicked my wrist to dissipate the liquid, but only succeeded in dropping it onto the floor with a resounding splat. I ignored the new puddle and tapped my ring-finger, causing a sphere of rock to form above my palm. I slowly curled my fingers, watching the earthen sphere shrink and disappear, "So that's how to do that," I thought.
Before I had a chance to further test my abilities Spike walked into the room,"AAAHG! What the hay are you?" he yelled, "Twi, there's a monster in the foyer!"
"I'm not a monster, you idiot. I'm simply here to collect a few things and then I'll be gone, okay?"
"I'd better check with Twilight first," said Spike.
"Please make it quick, I have a deal with an extraordinarily sanctimonious member of royalty that I must keep."
"O...Kay, um, I'll be right back," the scaly moron said, bolting off to find Twilight.
A few minutes later Twilight walked into the room, "Hello there, welcome to Gold- AAAGH!"
I face-palmed and quickly said, "One: I'm not a monster. Two: I''m here to fetch some stuff. Three: Your assistant is the biggest idiot ever. Now, unto more logical pursuits!"
"Huh, buh... Wah?"
"Wow, you must have hit your head harder than originally thought!"
"I'm sorry sir! It's just that you surprised me! Now, how may I help you?"
"Do you know my name?"
"No. Why?"
"No reason. Back to business, I'm here to fetch some things a friend of mine left here a few days ago."
"What did he leave?" asked Twilight.
"He left the following: A blue utility vest, a harness made of some complex alloy, and some boots."
"I'll go have a look for you, okay?"
"Sure, whatever, just make it quick. I have a royal appointment to keep, after all."
"Of course!" she said, bolting off.
I turned to Spike, "Hey do you have a towel or something?"
"Why?" he asked.
"I appear to have spilled some water on the floor," I said with a straight face.
"I'll be right back!" he dashed off.
"Dumbass," I muttered.
A few minutes later Twilight walked back into the room carrying my gear with her magic, "Is this Jericho's stuff?"
I looked it over, "Yup, that's the gear," I said, taking the items. "Thanks."
"Um..."
"Yes?" I said offhandedly.
"What's your name?"
"I'll let you decide that for yourself," I turned to the front door.
"Okay then," she said, confused.
*WHACK*
"Ow! Low, sanity-damned, doors!" I said, clutching my face.
"Are you okay!"
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
Twilight sighed with relief, "That's good."
I stooped under the stupidly low door-frame, stepped onto the street and took off running. Seeing the crowd in the square, I looked around, spotted some barrels stacked against a wall and climbed onto the roof of the pub. I sprinted along the rooftops, jumping across the gaps, until I found Celestia. I dropped from the rooftop and walked up behind the Princess,
"Okay then! Let's be on our way, shall we?"
"Very well, touch me."
"I'd rather we'd had at least one 'date' first, but if you're that eager..." I smirked as Celestia's face turned true vermilion, "Or at the very least ask my name first."
"What are you implying?" she asked, glowering.
"Nothing, I'm only responding to your request!"
She face-hoofed, "That's not what I meant! I need physical contact for teleportation!"
I grinned, "Well," I said, resting my hand on her shoulder, "in that case, take us away, Celestia!"
A flash of light later and I was standing in a massive hall with some very scared ponies staring at me, I grinned, "Haha! Thank you for arranging some lunch for me," I licked my lips hungrily, "and so large a feast too! I am very grateful!" I sprang toward the crowd sending ponies scattering in the direction of the doors, I growled at a few ponies passing me as the room emptied. I slammed the door shut as the last pony ran through, looked at the Princess, and collapsed in a fit of laughter, "Did you see their faces! That was so fucking brilliant! I can't believe it worked!" I looked up as a shadow loomed over me, there stood Princess Celestia, a small smile twitching at the corners of her mouth, "I'm sorry, Princess, but I couldn't resist! Admit it that was fucking hilarious! Ow, my ribs hurt."
"Are you alright?" concern washed over Celestia's smile.
"I'm fine, I just laughed too hard, is all."
I heard the doors slam open accompanied by a deafening yell, "WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE? SISTER THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER MORONIC PRANK!" this only made me laugh harder.
"This is no prank on my part, Luna," replied Celestia earnestly. "This is all his doing," she pointed a hoof at me.
I stopped laughing and tensed as I felt magic grip me, "If you don't put me down I'll make your existence unbearably miserable," I said, the edge in my voice sharp enough to cut steel, "and trust me when I say that you don't want me to get angry." I snapped my arms and legs from the magic. I felt the magic recede as its wielder dealt with the backlash. I stood and turned to face a faded navy mare with a starry black ethereal mane, "Princess Luna, I presume?"