A month after Twilight Sparkle's coronation, Twilight invites Rainbow Dash over to her house to test out a new spell she has been working on. But while using the spell something goes wrong and Rainbow Dash is sent over 1000 years into the past........
(Disclaimer: I am an emotionless robot and I do not generally write romance/shipping stories.)
Contains TwiDash.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks good, tracking.
It could do with a few grammar edits here and there, your tense is a teensy bit wonky, and you could stand to slow down the pace a bit, but other than those technicalities it's great!
Great story, I'll be tracking this for sure
3245447 Can you please give me a few examples of my grammar mistakes? Also what do you mean my tense looks wonky? I would like to know these things so I can improve on them. Also not trying to be mean sometimes what I type sounds mean and by the way I'm happy you like it so far.
3248491 Well, in regards to the tense, you sometimes switch betweem pastt and present tense- I.E.
And
These are some example sentences, now, let's try mixing the tense up with a different sentence.
See how the change in tenses jumbles the flow of the sentence? If we keep the sentences in the same tense, the story flows much more smoothly and the reader can enjoy the story much more; think of it as speed bumps, they really jolt you, so keeping them out of the story is imperative.
As for grammar, just look for commas in wrong places and such, one good idea is to read the story aloud and fill in commas/periods/semicolons/ etc..., where necessary.
That's about all I can offer without rereading with with a more analytical eye, which I don't really have time to right now, unfortunately
Hm, cool story bro. You need to keep in either the past or present tense though, rather than jumping between tenses all the time
um, ok. this fic, in total, isn't a bad start. but it needs some improvement. i don't usually get all Nit-Picky about this stuff, but this fic has a lot of potential.
ok, first i'd try to make the dialogue and paragraphs more detailed. that'd improve the length and flow of the story. second is that the characters don't act entirely like themselves. i'm not the best to describe how they would normally act, as i can't really put it into words. third is that i suggest adding in some scenery paragraphs. describe what the character sees when they go somewhere new, and that new place is important.
to better get an idea of what i'm talking about, i'd suggest reading 'Lines and Webs, by Aistream.' it's one of the best stories i;ve ever read, and it'll give you perfect examples of what i'm trying (and failing) to express. and if you've already read it....then i got nothing.
I kinda feel tht you just saying Fluttershy quickly turned and said Oh, you scared me is a bit cliche, as in it being a bit too undescriptive seeing as Fluttershy would likely jump into the air if she was scared.