Chap 2: Headshot
Twilight tried to focus. She couldn't see. Or move. her body felt strange. Stiff and stretched out, Twilight felt as if she was lying on her side, stretch out lengthways. But she was blind and immobile, meaning any effort to figure out where she was quickly became futile.
That was when she felt the sensation of...hands? Hands wrapping around one of her legs and another hand under her chin. This was incredibly uncomfortable, but Twilight could not find a way to open her mouth so as to speak, and protest. Instead, she simply felt the sensation of being shaken. The shaking was rythmical, almost as if she was riding on somepony's back as they walked.
After a while, she began to hear something. Sounds. Something similar to hoofsteps, but slower. There were only two of them, if the rythm was anything to go by. Twilight was in the company of a biped then. Judging by the sound of the earth beneath the creature, Twilight wagered she was somewhere in the badlands, or perhaps the desert, close to Appleoosa or Dodge City. She tried to focus, and to center her thoughts, as the sounds and sensations continued. How had she come so far from Ponyville? Why couldn't she move? What had happened with the spell? The Spell! Her friends! The elements!
Immediately Twilight's panic set her about trying to move, but she could not. Some sensations similar to feeling did come to her, however. Her body did not feel as it should. It did not even feel like her own. She tried to concentrate, pouring magic into her horn, or atleast where she hoped it would be, but nothing came to. Whatever she thought was her horn felt hollow, and cylindrical, instead of like her horn. Struggling desperately, Twilight tried to open her eyes, despite that they did not feel closed. Trying constantly, she could not see anything.
That was when she heard the sound. It was some sort of animal, a wolf or other such creature. And it was growling. That was when the hands returned, and Twilight felt the long fingers wrap around her leg and under her chin again. This time however, one of the fingers stroked what she thought was one of her ears, only to have her neck extend against her will. Up went her head, and then Twilight felt her eye open.
And she was immediately petrified. What she saw was no wolf. it was no creature that she had ever seen or even read about. It had no ears, and very small eyes, accompanied by a very craggy skin and a jaw that...that opened vertically!? It roared at her, though the sound could scarcely be called a roar, and was more of a hollow, almost metallic howl. It's back, covered in long and thin spines, almost like solid hair, rose, and whatever it was that this creature had in it's mouth was no tongue she had ever seen. It was however, whipping about in a disturbing and vicious manner.
Then another push, again on her ear, and Twilight found herself zooming forwards. Or atleast, her eye did. At this point Twilight could not tell if she still had both of her eyes even. The world she saw looked artificial, and what looked to be an alien language was floating infront of her, changing and pointing lines and circles at certain things. Certain parts of the creature before her.
But Twilight didn't have much time to contemplate any of this. Instead, she felt her leg pulled. Or what should have been her leg. In that instant, something in her bowels moved. It fired up through her stomach, up through her throat, and up past her face and out through her horn. She had just fired some sort of projectile from her bowels, and the shock of the sensation had her stunned. What only served to disgust and disturb her was that whatever she had just been made to fire had caused the creature's head to explode, if that was even it's head at all.
That was too much. The terror and disgust by all of this had built up inside Twilight until she could take no more, and she screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAH AAAAH AAAAAH! WHAT IS GOING ON I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHO'S THERE, WHERE AM I!?"
"Be quiet." was the curt response she got, and it was an effective one. "I struggle to believe why I was sold such faulty equipment." it said. The voice was harsh, cold, and distanced. It sounded as if it was coming through a series of tin cans.
"Wh-what did you just do?" was the only question Twilight could muster.
"You do not know? When they informed me that this rifle had an A.I, they failed to mention that it was stupid."
"A what?"
"You do not know what you are? Well, this is unusual. You are a Maliwan Rifle with the eridium empowerment. You were quite expensive and I expect you to perform as advertised."
Of all these terms that the voice, the source of which she could not see still, Twilight understood only the term 'rifle', and her mind reeled at the implications. It did explain some of what had just happened, but not how it came to be. The only thing Twilight could comprehend was that possibly, her experiments with the stone had caused this, but if that was the case then it did not explain why her friends weren't here with her.
Again, Twilight was raised, and her eye set on another hideous creature. Again and again, she witnessed, up-close and zoomed-in, these hideous creatures submit to the slaughter, as their heads exploded, body parts were severed, and their thick hides covered in the pock-marks of her fire. Whoever it was that had Twilight was clearly a hunter, and he was reveling in the gore and death. If Twilight had a stomach she would've felt sick. Instead, she began to grow used to the sensation of having a trigger, it being squeeze, and a bullet firing up through her entire "body". It was just enough to keep her conscience from being guilt-wracked that Twilight reasoned with herself that she was not responsible. She was only a weapon afterall.
But that was the bizarre part of it all. Twilight was a weapon. Not a pony, any longer. Not any kind of living, sentient creature. She had been transformed, or made to inhabit, an inanimate object. She had no control or influence over the body she was in, she could only observe passively, and speak.
After several hours of hunting, Twilight was no longer bothered by the death and gore. Many creatures had fallen to her, now. Dog-like monsters, large insects somewhat reminiscent of changelings, and even...humans. Similar to the ones she'd met in the land of the mirror, these humans were far more disturbing. And blandly coloured. But their heads and limbs popped or came off all the same. The only time Twilight protested was when a splash of blood from a particularly close-up headshot got blood splatter on the scope that was her eye. It was a grim reminder of her existence now, and Twilight preferred to stay at a distance.
She even began to remark at her user's accuracy. Twilight had never imagined violence on such a precise scale before. To her the mere notion was barbaric and monsterous, yet this creature, this...human? He approached it like a science. Studious and calm, this "Zero" as he called himself, took to murder like it were an education. At the very least, Twilight could appreciate that attitude, and the common ground helped calm her some, as she resigned to her newfound existence in the hands of this Zero.
"For a confused gun" said Zero, after popping the head of a human with a smaller one attached to a shield. "You are quite the powerhouse. You grow powerful."
"Well, Mr Zero-"
"Just Zero, please."
"Well, Zero. I'm not sure if you'd believe me, but I wasn't always a...gun. I was a princess you know. Princess of all Magic, specifically. If I only had my horn I would be able to show you wonderous things, and maybe find my friends while I'm at it."
"You have allies here? A Princess and friends are guns? This is silly-talk!" he laughed.
"You think my friends are also weapons?" asked Twilight, suddenly concerned. The thought that her friends had not only come to this place, but suffered the same fate- she hadn't thought of that! So stupid! It would make sense, as much as could be made, that the same thing would happen to them! They must be in terrible peril right now.
"You are mad, princess. What kind of royal has horns? An Ogre, or troll?" he remarked.
"My name, Zero, is Twilight Sparkle, not princess, and no, I am no ogre or troll. I am an Alicorn." said Twilight, attempting an air of smugness.
"Well, Twilight Sparkle. You are a deadly rifle. Enjoy it for now." he said, as he raised her once more, and took aim.
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IMO, you really should've started with this. I have no Idea where you're headed with F***wits, which frankly has nearly lost my interest, and Borderlands 2 is right up my alley
3232644 Here's a basic summary of where Fuckwits is headed
LOL THIS IS STUPID
That is my entire goal and intention with fuckwits is to continue making a large scale stupid adventure with absolutely no sense or cohesion, and is made purely for the purposes of entertaining myself and my friends.
Honestly, the fact that anyone outside of my friends and I even liked it at all continues to be a bit of a surprise, and certainly confusing.
So I certainly don't blame you for losing interest.
But I will warn you. I am not taking this one any more seriously.
3232649
Hence my interest and why I question the adventure tag. Sure, going into another dimension is adventurous, but I hardly see anything of the sort beyond that, the slapstick and hijinks.
3232746 Well if it's any consolation, trust me when I say an actual adventure is genuinely planned. There will be macguffins and monsters and travel, this much I can promise.
I just can't promise it will be: Entertaining, make any sense, or delivered in a timely manner.
But yes, I put the adventure tag there for a reason and I aims to see it through.
3232920
Then there is hope yet
3232958 All I need from you is patience. We are working on how to make the adventure portion actually start, but neither of us are actual writers, so we're kind of stuck, not to mention now we're busying ourselves with working on our respective solo projects, namely this and Servbot's The Kindness, which I do recommend.
3233032
Nonsense. You are both writers nonetheless, and I'm sure you'll come up with something if you put your mind to it. As long as you both believe in what you've planned for it, the story will come along eventually.
Now if you'll excuse me, my guns are awaitin'. See you at 72!
Hopefully
3233300 Mhmm. Yes. "Planned". The whole thing. 31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ehnhr9Wr1r9w3euo1_500.gif
"A Princess and her friends are guns" you're one syllible too long
3234377 FIXED IT D:
There are only 4 talking weapons so i wonder what the other half are,
3236952 Well the premise is more like The mane 6 become talking weapons themselves, with the game's own talking weapons still being there (Though I don't know if they will be included in this).
And a few extra chars being some other talking items.
3236290 I am a notorious mis-speller, so if you feel you have the stomach to keep spell-checking for me, have at it lol
Always helpful at least.
My friend says there needs to be more krieg fics and I kinda agree. Next chapter will be a krieg chapter
I get it now! Pinkie is the Base Bane!
3239665 Not quite
3239743 OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY D:
This badass fic better not die! It's unique, it's one of the few good quality Borderlands 2 crossovers, and everyone wants to see Rarity's reaction when she finds out she's been turned into a corrosive weapon.
"No! Not green! Any other color but green!"
3380016 Make no mistake, I will not let this die. I have been CONSTANTLY revisiting this, adding little by little. Some times this won't get more than a sentence a week, and sometimes I won't add but instead I'll re-write.
It's simply because I made this story on nothing but a whim and I have no idea how to actually carry it forth, that it's taking so long.
But I am keeping it alive, this I promise you.