My Little Weapon: Firepower is Magic

by Captain Princess

Chap 4: BoomCakes

"WE'RE GOING TO SING SONGS TO THE PRETTY LADY!"

Easy there buddy. Don't get too excited, I don't think she's that into you.

Maya the Siren warrior, one of six in the universe, was stood in what looked to be the remains of some kind of miniature town or "village" in the dust. It was like a flooding scene, except that instead of water, the buildings were buried up to their ceilings in sand.

She had just sent Krieg an echo, as she had made a rather odd discovery concerning one of her weapons. One that she felt he of all mentally damaged psychopaths would understand. Her gun had just started talking. Completely out of the blue. As far as Maya knew it was a Maliwan Corrosive SMG. What she didn't expect was for it to develop a voice and a personality if some sort after two weeks of silent compliance.

It had caught her off-guard, and she was out in the dust alone when the gun that had just dissolved a bandit shook violently in her hand, and then began screaming. It had taken her a whole minute to calm it down, if only because when you have a screaming and distraught weapon in your hands there is not much else you can think to do, and then she left an echo to Krieg.

"Hey big guy, uh, I got a bit of a problem here...and I don't know what to really do about it."

"YOU have a problem!? I don't even know what I am!" said the gun, sounding close to tears. How would a gun cry? Maya found out soon enough, as the weapon did sure enough burst into 'tears'. Those tears were bullets. The weapon was now firing of it's own free will.

It was lucky that Maya was currently alone, as the spectacle would have spooked anyone else. But Maya was a siren, and as such, she was atleast used to the idea of strange things happening around her.

"Well hey uh...calm down a bit. You uh...you have a name?"

This seemed to calm it down to the point where it atleast stopped firing at random.

"We-well uh...yes dear I suppose. I mean I don't know what I am any longer but I do still have my name, yes. I'm Rarity."

"Well uh...Rarity. I'm Maya, and as for what you are...you-you're a gun."

"Oh well yes I suppo- what is that? What is a 'gun'?"

"It uh...you fire...bullets and they...you make holes in things."

"Holes? Things? What kinds of things?"

"Li-uh..living...things?"

Even for a Siren, this conversation was bizarre. She was teaching a gun what it was. She dare not touch the gun yet, as it still seemed to be tender, if it's tone of voice was any judgement.

And right on cue, Krieg showed up to rescue the situation from sanity.

Ramping off of a small dune nearby, in his Bandit Technical truck, he came flying into the scene to the roaring fanfare of a truck's engine on ogredrive.

"I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING OVER THIS BLENDER!" he declared, as his truck landed with a crash on the sand. Maya dusted herself off and decided to belay her annoyance. For being utterly insane, Krieg was like a big puppy dog to her, though it might have had something to do with Maya being the only one to ever be happy to see him.

Rarity the gun was silent. Perhaps it was stunned by the deafeningly loud crash. Though it was somewhat muffled by sand, the truck's engine was very powerful. And loud.
When the monstrous wall of man-flesh climbed out of the totaled vehicle, he had to stop for a moment.

"I think I salted too quickly..." he muttered.

"Yeah hey big fella" began Maya as he stumbled from the wreckage, clutching his head and shaking it, though whatever ailed his skull was immediately dismissed as he laid eyes on his prize; the pretty lady.

"I WILL CRACK YOUR PROBLEMS WITH A SPOON!" he roared.

"...uh yeah..." she said, as she pointed toward the smg laying on the ground.
"That gun's having some kind of ah...moment"

"He-hello? Who is there now?" called out Rarity, having become accustomed enough to her situation to atleast notice when she was being spoken of. She was not accustomed to Krieg's touch however, as he approached her and roughly grabbed her by the handle and trigger, without saying so much as a word.

A talkin' gun with a fucked up attitude. Sounds familiar don't it pal?

"THIS GUN SCREAMS LIKE THE PARTY CANNON!" agreed Krieg.

You wanted me?

Hey woah a little warning when you do that

How am I supposed to warn you that I'm here if I'm not here yet? Silly!

"STOP FLAYING WITHOUT ME!" bellowed the man-beast.

Maya resisted the urge to comment, having become partially accustomed to Krieg's monologues.

Well bring me out so I can meet our new friend!

With the speechless smg in his hand, Krieg reached behind him, and with the ever helpful Hammerspace™ Tech, pulled out his new favourite, if not very useful weapon, The Party Cannon, formerly Pinkie Pie.

"Hi! My name's The Party Cannon..."

"Whu-Pinkie? Is that you dear?"

..."and I hope we can be friends!" she chirped as Krieg effectively 'aimed' her at his other hand, in which lay the white smg.

"Pinkie Pie! That IS you! I know that voice!" claimed Rarity.

"RARITY! OHMYGOSH IT'S SO AWESOME TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!" chirped The Party Cannon.
"But I'm not Pinkie Pie anymore! I can't be 'cause now I'm THE PARTY CANNON!"

"..oh. Well I hope you don't mind but I'm going to keep calling you Pinkie P-"
"IT IS NOT THE MUSHROOM, IT IS THE PARTY CANNON!" came Krieg's defensive declaration.

Seemingly offended at the weapon's preferences of nomenclature, Krieg simply discarded the poor SMG upon the sand where he took it from, and turned to Maya.

"THE GUN IS RIPE BUT SOILED, BUT AS LONG AS YOU WASH YOUR HANDS IT CAN BE AN ASTOUNDING FOOD MEAL! JUST DON'T LET IT TOUCH MY PARTY CANNON, THAT'S NOT A KOSHER FLESH RIP!" he said, as mildly as he could muster.

"...uh, yeah. Thanks big fella. I think I can handle it." she replied, ever weary not to trigger the man's ever-sketchy psychosis, despite the growing attachment to him.

Well? You gonna ask her?

Oooh! You want to ask her something? Tell me tell me tell me!

You stay outta this.

"I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE RIB-CAGE SLAUGHTER! LET'S GO!" was Krieg's final outburst.

Author's Note:

KRIEG'S LINES COURTESY OF RUSTYSERVBOT

He wanted to do them and I obliged because it's easier than me having to figure out what krieg would say.

PROPER LENGTH CHAPUTAR AMG
No this is not a sign that this story will be picking up the pace.
I am still hopelessly lost as to where to take it.

But I did tell you I'm not letting it die!

Comments

[Captain Princess]

FOUR WEEKS LATER I CONCLUDE WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TWO-PARTER OF SHORT MINICHAPS

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[CanterlotGuardian]

I love you so much. You are beautiful.

[Captain Princess]

3580021 Now then now then
Don't get too attached I am a poor provider

[CanterlotGuardian]

3580027
for the time being, though, you have ascended to goddess-hood

[Captain Princess]

3580032 But I'm a man D:

[Humbucker]

You sir have earned my like, my favorite, and my mustache

[Captain Princess]

3580438 Yaaay

[RedDeadElite]

Late, but nonetheless; Woo, update!

[BurningLance]

lol interesting story where the mane 6 are guns so nowwe have.

Twilight as a Sniper Rifle
Pinkie Pie as a Rocket Launcher
Rarity as a SMG

i wonder what the others will be tho i bet Applejack will either be a Shotgun or Revolver/Pistol and Rainbow Dash i guess will be a Vladof Machine Gun.

tho Fluttershy might be a shield i think and if spike is dragged along then i bet a grenade mod lol

[Captain Princess]

3617435 Clooooose

[The Well Dressed Ninja]

3617435

I dunno... I can't imagine RD being Russian. I'd think a Torgue SMG would be more her style.