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[Fluffy romance-ish] Some secrets would best be told, if it weren't for the sting of fear that keeps them hidden. Yet with a bit of liquid courage, who knows what would come to light, and if it isn't for the better?
This might be the fluffiest thing I've ever written. Probably not, though. Modeled after an idea had while drunk, though written while sober. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6380974080/h524F21EB/
now that we have that out of the way
made by alcohol discussion alcohol and a bit incoherent with undertones of a deeper story, i can see why its called truth
"Alcohol The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
I'm the biggest fan of TwiPie, and I must say, this was cute. On the whole, your writing and descriptions were great, and I saw little real errors. I like how there's a sense of realism in this; that it's not always rainbows and sunshine. They're drunk, and that adds to the eventual conflict of when they remember (are reminded?) of the previous night in some form or other.
However, there are some things that could use improvement. For one, this was really short. I think this one-shot would've done better had it been expanded upon and was fleshed out. Show some more of the emotions and show some more of what's going on. More details and scenes would've been nice. Also, I noticed that you used an awful lot of commas, practically in every sentence. For example:
Variety is the spice of life, and it's always a good idea to change up sentence structure so it doesn't become dull. Your writing and word choice was pretty good, no complaints there, and I did like when Pinkie had slipped and called Twilight beautiful. That was adorable. Though, I found it a little hard to follow. Try and describe the action a little more, maybe? It seemed weird to me that Pinkie ran inside (drunk) then Twilight turned and with perfect coordination leaped at her and they ended up kissing (drunk as well). I'd imagine both would be a little more shaky, and another note: Why wasn't Pinkie with the others in the beginning? Just staring at the flowers?
Anyway, for what it's worth, this was a cute piece of fluff. It could've been fleshed out more, but it was still a nice read. Have a thumb-up, and I hope you write more Twinkie.
3209787 Agreed on all counts. Considering the amount of effort that did (or didn't) go into this, I'd say it turned out pretty good.
Also, drunk accents and their like have been omitted for reading pleasure. The point I was trying (but, in hindsight, failing) to make was that Pinkie snuck off when everyone was busy with the events downstairs, such as to get Twilight in an opportune location.
And yes, they act and speak a bit better than they should be able to if they're drunk enough for a blackout, but it's convenient to use a bit of story logic. In a bigger project, I would probably have respected that.
Funny, either way, that I was consciously trying to avoid certain things during this project, amongst then run-on sentences. (Like that one.) I do see your point though.