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This is who I am.(Vinyl scratch)

This is what Vinyl goes through in her head before a big show.

Its a short story with vinyl And my first one so Give it a chance. Constructive criticism is welcome Just don't be too harsh. :)

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 7
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Moonshine-Dusk

Moonshine-Dusk #1 · Sep 13th, 2013 · · ·

Yesbot.exe has malfunctioned and cannot activate... activating program haveamoustache.exe...
Good job, have a moustache.

drwhoovescompanion

drwhoovescompanion #2 · Sep 13th, 2013 · 1 · ·

3195932 Thank you I shall cherish this moustache

The Grey Pegasus

The Grey Pegasus #3 · Sep 13th, 2013 · · ·

I am here because I saw the 'first fic criticism welcome'. Haven't done it in a while, so I guess I'll do one now.

1. Formatting. Your indents are all over the place. Capitalization on words is also inconsistent at parts. Some issues with spacing.

2. Grammar. Not the worst I've seen from a first fic, but needs a little work. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to point them all out. It appears you've got a good grasp on proper grammar though, so it's just a matter of rereading your story and ironing out the kinks if you don't want to look for an editor.

As for the story itself, nothing special, but it wasn't bad. Upvote for your efforts.

drwhoovescompanion

drwhoovescompanion #4 · Sep 13th, 2013 · · ·

3196644 Thank you i shall work on getting that fixed

LuxInTenebris

LuxInTenebris #5 · Sep 13th, 2013 · · ·

No criticisms outside what The Grey Pegasus said.
On the whole I liked it
One thing though:
"I drop the base."
The term is "drop the bass" as in low frequencies.