Stop And Smell The Roses
The door to Princess Celestia’s private study opened with delicate care, so as to not disturb whatever mysteries that might’ve been going on within. After a pause to ready herself, Twilight Sparkle trotted into the room, doing her best to keep her mind on a leash. But she couldn’t help herself: she was itching with excitement with every step. This was Princess Celestia’s private study! Nopony but a sparse few were ever allowed inside these walls, to the point they became something of a legend. And yet Princess Celestia insisted they meet here, because there was something very important to discuss.
Twilight didn’t know what that something was, which kept her particularly nervous. Eager, but restrained and cautious. The possible reasons for being here were what kept her from marvelling over the room as much she’d like to.
It reminded her of an observatory, and it probably was one at some point in the past. Directly across from the doorway was a set of glass doors that led to a small outdoors balcony. Above their marble frame sat an enormously tall window that ran vertically all the way to the center of the domed roof, perfectly contoured to the curves of the structure, and allowing the evening sun to bask the room with light. Through the glass doors, off in the far distance, Twilight could make out the nondescript mountain that she knew marked the place where the sun rose every morning. Glancing up, she quickly bet its path would follow the window as it ascended.
Aside from the two doorways, there was no other break along the walls, which were completely taken up by towering bookcases. She doubted she could guess what a tenth of them were about, and the ones she did were only partially mentioned elsewhere. Who knew what sort of arcane knowledge, lost secrets, or historic documents were shelved here? She doubted she’d be able to find out; past talks with the Princess were met with casual dismissal and even jest. But she understood that some things were kept secret for a reason.
That didn’t mean this room couldn’t taunt her, especially now of all times. She glanced to one side, finding an ornate desk tucked away in one pocket of the room where the evening sunlight couldn’t grasp as tightly. Princess Celestia sat behind it, her eyes hidden by shadow, and her nose pointed down at an open book on the tabletop. It looked like she didn’t even realize Twilight had entered. Twilight felt like she had just stumbled upon a humble giant: hesitant approach, but fearful of backing down. So her heart fluttered as she stood there awkwardly, waiting to be noticed and addressed.
Celestia closed the incredibly thin book with a simple brush of her hoof, and gently pushed it aside. She lifted her head into the light and smiled. “Twilight Sparkle,” she said in that sweet, motherly tone of hers, “I’m happy to see you’ve have it here so quickly.”
Twilight let go of a forgotten breath and returned a smile of her own. “Oh, it’s not a problem at all!” she said, almost dancing forward on the tips of her hooves. “When I got your letter, I knew it had to be something very important. I didn’t want to waste any of your time so I got here as soon as I could.
“I hope I didn’t distract you from any plans you might have had,” Celestia added, a deep sincerity in her tone.
Twilight raised a hoof dismissively. “Oh, no, it’s perfectly fine,” she said. She paused when she received a curious look and bit her lip. “Er... well, my friends did want to come with me here, but your letter explicitly stated that you wanted to see me by myself.”
“I do,” Celestia said with a nod. Her gaze then glossed over Twilight like one might inspect an heirloom for damage. “But at the same time, I don’t want to be getting between you and your friends.”
“I have plenty of time for my friends,” Twilight was quick to reassure. “And they understand that you said this thing you wanted to talk about had to be between just the two of us.”
Celestia returned to a statuesque position at her desk. “Did you cancel any plans with your friends to come see me?” she asked.
Twilight tried to lift a hoof and remark, but she up just hanging her head and sighing. It was foolish of her to try and hide something from Princess Celestia, even more so to think she could get away with it. “Yes,” she admitted shamefully. “We were going to watch tonight’s meteor shower together but I thought that this meeting was more important and in your letter it sure did sound like it was and I thought—”
“Twilight,” Celestia interrupted, her expression unchanged. “I appreciate your earnestness, I really do, but I want you to understand that of all ponies, I can wait. The time you share with your friends is a precious thing that should never go to waste.”
Celestia might not have shown in, but deep down Twilight knew she was disappointed in her. She blushed from embarrassment and looked away, as if for a place to hide, but there was nowhere to run to. She looked back and said, “I... I’m sorry, Princess.”
“Perhaps I should be the one apologizing,” Celestia mumbled, more so to herself, and she stood up from her seat. “Nevertheless, what matters is that you’re here now. I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you here in the first place.”
She turned, motioning for Twilight to follow, and walked out onto the balcony. There seemed to be an invisible weight across the Princess’s back, Twilight noted, which left her feeling a little concerned. Twilight knew she had just let her down—which sickened her to just think about—but at first glance, this had nothing to do with her. Only now was she actually considering the implications of Celestia’s letter. Had she done something wrong? Was Equestria in danger? The level of preparedness she found herself lacking unnerved her, but she decided it wasn’t worth worrying about right now. She figured she’d be learning its true meaning soon enough, anyways.
She gave all the bookshelves a passing glance before stepping out onto the balcony. It was exceptionally small, like it was never designed with holding more than one pony in mind. But Celestia squeezed herself to one side, allowing just enough room for Twilight. The Princess closed the doors shut behind them and seated herself on the smooth marble floor, but Twilight chose to remain standing. Her chin was just above the railing at this height, which let her get a nice view of the landscape below.
A gentle breeze wafted up to her and curiously ran its fingers through her mane. The setting sun was low and behind the structure that made Celestia’s study, casting a shadow down on them. In fact, since this balcony sat over the very edge of the castle and therefore Canterlot mountain itself, it seemed to cast a shadow down on all of Equestria. Far beyond, Twilight saw that nondescript mountain and what appeared to be the moon just starting to emerge above its peak.
“Dusk is my favorite time of day,” Celestia chimed beside her. The suddenness of her voice would have startled her if it wasn’t so mellow. “I don’t ever forget, but I admit to becoming so engrossed in politics and routine, I sometimes overlook the things that matter most. I find myself failing to appreciate the world around me because I get so caught up in it.” She chuckled briefly, looking out at the horizon. “I suppose you could say it’s difficult for me to ‘stop and smell the roses’ every once in awhile.”
Twilight gave her a quizzical look. She already knew being a princess was hard work, but she didn’t understand why she was being told this now. Maybe Celestia just wanted to share some alone time with her. Maybe she wanted to go on a vacation? That’d be something important. Twilight wondered if she would be given charge of something in Celestia’s absence, in which case, what she’d have to be taught. There was no way the Princess would just dump something on her overnight.
She shook her head and shoved her absurd—if not too outlandish—thoughts away, telling herself to just listen. For now, that seemed to be all she could do anyway.
Celestia sighed lightly. “And yet, I can’t. Somepony has to be where I stand, watching over the kingdom, being that pony for others to look up to, being the one to make all the impossible decisions, knowing the fates of countless lives rest in my hooves. Even with Luna, I hardly get the time for breaks, and even then I get distracted. I can never seem to find the time to just enjoy myself the same way I ensure the rest of Equestria can. I’m a pony too after all, but if anything, that’s what I always appear to be forgetting.” She shook her head. “No, I’m no martyr, but to ‘stop and smell the roses’ is a luxury I just can’t afford.”
Twilight stared blankly at her. What in the world was the Princess going on about? Did she want to pass some legal job to Twilight to help ease her workload? Of course, she’d be more than willing to help the Princess, and Twilight knew she was certainly capable, but she was so unprepared. She wondered what job she would have to do. It would probably be something simple like filing tax reports. Maybe she’d sign a bill or two into law. It wouldn’t be something like raising the sun, that’s for sure.
Wait, what if the Princess was wanting to retire? Would she have to raise the sun? Twilight didn’t know how to raise the sun! She couldn’t!
“And I accept that fact for all that it’s worth,” Celestia calmly stated, tearing Twilight away from her intrusive thoughts. “I understand there’s a modern lifestyle I will probably never have, but somepony has to shoulder all this weight and I’m the only one in a position to handle it.” She tilted her head slightly, just enough to see Twilight out of the corner of her eye. “I’m sure you’re confused as to why I’m telling you this.”
“Uhm...”
“To be honest, I am too a little, but I digress.” A soft glow appeared around her horn and Twilight blinked in surprise to see a book suddenly between them. She quickly realized this was the book she had seen Celestia reading earlier, but now she was able to get her first good look at it.
The binding was old and deteriorated, hard and brown like the earth, cracked and fraying at the edges. She thought the book was thin before, but now that she could see it clearly, it was just ridiculous. There were probably no more than a dozen pages in it. The pages themselves were so thick it was hilarious, but that at least allowed to her to get a good approximation of the book’s age. Her head snapped back when she finally got that this might be one of the oldest books she’d ever seen.
“This is actually the first known book ever made, not written nor etched but forged by a magical process that will likely forever remain a mystery,” Celestia said, confirming and then transcending her suspicions, and her eyes only widened more. The Princess floated the book closer to her eyes and she impassively stared at its cover. “It has no title, author, or known creator, but I like to call it Reason, because that’s all it’s about. That’s all it’s ever done.”
“It... reasons?” Twilight asked, trying to get a grasp on what she was being told. “Like, with the reader?”
“Sort of,” Celestia mused and turned to look at her. “It’s an incredibly dangerous magical artifact that was crafted in an unknown time before even I was born, far before the advent of the manuscript, dare I suggest even written language itself. Luna thinks that Epiphany is a more suitable name for it, but regardless of what it’s called, all that matters is what it does.”
Twilight stopped to catch herself. “It... reasons.”
“It answers,” Celestia finally said. “I can guarantee that in this book there is a completely sound, reasonable, factual answer to each and every question a pony could ever have.” She trailed off, turning back to watch the book float idly in her aura, apparently lost in thought. If she wasn’t the Princess, Twilight would’ve thought it looked like she didn’t know what to do with it.
And she wanted to say something, but all Twilight could do was look on in fascination. There were more questions stirring in her head than she knew how to deal with, but she understood clearly the gravity of what she was being told. Who knew what kind of miracles could be accomplished with such an omniscient book? According to the Princess, it knew everything there was to know about the universe! Progress of civilization would skyrocket! Scientific advancement would be exponential! Every theory would either get disproved or become fact so quickly it was mind-numbing just to try and comprehend.
Although, she couldn’t help but ponder over what made this book “incredibly dangerous,” or for that matter why she was only hearing of its existence now. Something like this had to be shared with the entire world.
Celestia sighed and gently set the book down on the railing. “Twilight,” she started breathily, instantly regaining her student’s attention. “I’m telling you this because over the years, you’ve shown some real potential, but I don’t think you know that quite yet. You’re capable of so many things, my little pony, so much more than either of us truly know.” She motioned with her head back into the study. “My private library and all it contains, a bounty of knowledge I’ve kept secret from the outside world, is now open to you.”
Celestia picked the old book back up and presented it to her. “But I want you to read this first.”
It took a second for Twilight to process the information, and when finally did her jaw nearly disconnected. Stunned, her head went light for a moment and Twilight fell back onto her haunches. She simply had no proper way to respond to all this—yes, this was basically a dream come true, but it was happening way too fast! She showed no resistance as the Princess used her magic to place the old book in her hooves. The covers had the texture of rough sandpaper and now that she held it, there was an uncanny feeling that there was something dead inside. Oddly, that’s what pulled her from her awestruck state of mind and through the disbelief, she mustered the courage to say something.
“Why?” she finally asked, unsure of even what she directed the question towards.
“Well, you are a princess now,” Celestia said, sparing a glimpse back out over the horizon. Twilight followed her gaze and blinked in surprise at how quickly night had befallen. The moon was now rising steadily through the sky and twinkling stars were already boring holes through the atmosphere. “I believe you’re ready for one more lesson,” she added.
Twilight shook her head. “B-but I’m not a princess princess, I’m just... Is this a test of some kind? I don’t... Th-this is a lot to take in all of the sudden!”
“I can imagine. And, ultimately, it’s your decision whether or not you read the book,” Celestia stated. “But it should be fair for me to warn you that you may not like what you find.”
“I don’t understand,” Twilight whispered. She lifted the book up and realized it was heavier than it seemed. “What makes something like this dangerous?”
“Because it reasons,” Celestia deadpanned. “Ponies are not reasoning machines, and similarly we live in a meaningful world. But our minds trick ourselves into thinking otherwise. We end up believing there’s an explanation for everything and in the pursuit of knowledge, we destroy all its meaning.” She sighed. “I want to teach you something, Twilight, but I myself don’t know what you’ll end up learning, and that’s what worries me.”
“I...” Twilight mumbled, trying to get her thoughts together. “I-I don’t follow. You’re worried I might learn something?”
“I’m worried you might end up taking something away that you can never give back,” Celestia said, her eyes wandering up to the starlit sky. “But at the same time, you could come to realize something important about yourself and the world we live in. An epiphany, I suppose,” she added, allowing herself a tiny smile.
Twilight said nothing to that and glanced down at the old book in her hooves. She caressed the cover lightly, feeling its roughness scratch at her hoof rather than the other way around. It alone could, supposedly, answer any question she had. In fact, she could’ve been looking inside it for all these questions instead, but for she found herself hesitant. Of course, she always looked up to the Princess and trusted her and her wisdom with all her heart, but now that she was being given a choice of her own, she found herself lost.
She looked up to Celestia and asked, “When you first found the book, what questions did you have?”
“Luna found it first, actually,” she explained, “and after discovering what it was, she immediately wanted to destroy it. In retrospect, I can understand why she’d want for something I found to be so arrogant and uncalled for at the time. But I ended up swiping it before she could, and, well...”
Twilight tried her best not to show it, but she couldn’t help but be taken aghast. Her mind was already swimming, but this? Princess Celestia stealing? She would have dismissed it if anypony else had said it. She was flabbergasted by what would drive her, the greatest pony who ever lived, the model pony she always looked up to and even aspired to be, to do something as petty as theft and from her sister no less.
Celestia cleared her throat. “The first thing I wanted to know was what everybody is always asking. I wanted to know the meaning of life.”
Twilight once more was drawn back to earth by Celestia’s words. The seconds ticked by until curiosity got the better of her and she asked, “What is it?”
Celestia took a pause that was much longer than either of them would’ve liked. “I didn’t find an answer,” she said plainly and with a shrug.
Twilight gave her a nonplussed look. “But you said this book had every answer there is?” she said, bemused. She tried to raise the old book only to discover she couldn’t, as if an invisible chain tethered it to the floor, preventing it from ascending any higher. Her attention shifted downward and she blinked in surprise to see a golden shod hoof patting its cover. With every dainty tap it felt like she was going to lose her grip on the thing.
“It does,” Celestia reassured in a whisper, retracting her hoof. “But what good is searching if nothing’s there to find? With that in mind, and even though Luna disagrees, I still think keeping it around is a good idea. It serves as a reminder that not everything can be explained with logic or understood by reason.”
Twilight slowly frowned. “That’s kind of paradoxical.”
“I suppose it is,” Celestia replied, straightening her back from a slump Twilight hadn’t yet noticed. “But I think I’ve done enough rambling for tonight. You can leave that old book on my desk when you’re done with it. Feel free to spend as much time in my study afterwards.”
She tried to talk back, but Twilight couldn’t properly put her thoughts together, so she pressed her lips closed and retreated to herself. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say. Did she want an explanation? She’d already gotten one, hadn’t she? She couldn’t shake the idea that the Princess had been overly cryptic with what she was saying, telling her things without actually saying what they were. Why couldn’t she just be told everything she needed to know?
Twilight spared the old book in her hooves only a passing glance before opening her mouth. “What are you going to do?”
Celesia didn’t answer immediately. “I don’t know,” she said with a smile, crossing her forelegs over the railing and resting her head on top of them. “I think I actually found some time to stop and smell the roses.”
Twilight said nothing to that, then slowly she stood up and took the book in her magic. It didn’t feel so weird now that she wasn’t physically touching it, but as soon as she took her first step, she had the sense she was about to trip. It felt like the old book was tugging at her, leading her through the balcony doors and back into Princess Celestia’s study.
It gave her pause when she noticed how unexpectedly dark the room was, even in the faint glow given off by her magic, and the doors swayed shut behind her with a click. The book took her to the center of the room before settling over Celestia’s desk, where Twilight gingerly yet precariously set it down on the tabletop. She shivered in surprise when a pressure she hadn’t felt lifted off of her. The soft magenta of her aura winked out, and everything went dark.
Twilight blinked in the shadows and looked up to the skylight. Where the sun would usually be shining through with all its warmth and illuminating the room to its fullest, sat the moon. It too was shining, sure, but in no way did it match the luminescence of the sun. A bundle of stars winked at her, as if they were trying to make up for the lack of light, but even their combined effort was not enough.
She blinked again and then cast a spell, sending a tiny ball of light up halfway to the ceiling, which pushed back the shadows just enough to see what she was doing. She gave herself a small nod before turning back to the old book.
“Reason, huh?” she mumbled, stepping up to the edge of the table. Celestia’s empty seat presented itself to her, vacant and angled in such a way it was inviting, but she thought better of it. She didn’t need to sit down to see the book clearly. She lifted a hoof and slowly placed it on the cover, once more becoming tense and the hairs on her neck stood on end. She felt vertigo and the only way down seemed to be the book, and she even expanded her wings as if it would catch her nonexistent fall. The rough texture of the cover seemed to grab at her, like it was trying to bite her, and when the idea finally settled that something was amiss she pulled away.
She glanced back up to the balcony doors, and through the glass she saw the blurred form of Princess Celestia. Sighing lightly, she averted her gaze to the impressive bookcases that lined the interior. Outlines of scrolls, whole stacks of envelopes, and an immensity of tomes were seated away behind thin glass. But the light of her spell just wasn’t enough to give her any good details. She glimpsed at the balcony doors one more time before quietly walking up to one of the cabinets.
Her head tilted to the side as tried to make out one particular book, but the glass was foggier than she remembered and her image was unfocused. Her horn flashed briefly and the ball of light wavered closer to her, showering the bookcase with its light, but it still didn’t help much. Nonetheless, she placed a hoof on the glass and peered inside, noting the fragile condition of the books. She wondered if they’d fall apart if she were to pick one up. Not that she would risk it, of course, and she definitely wouldn’t without asking or reading Reason first, like Celestia had told her. But that old book mystified her for reasons she couldn’t explain. She wanted to read it, and she wanted to read this whole library, but she couldn’t seem to pull herself to do so.
She looked over her shoulder towards the desk in the center of the room, where the old book stood out like a void in the darkness. Something was definitely off about that thing, and now Twilight found herself wandering with her mind. She turned back to the bookcase she stood in front of and peered inside again, as if the answer to everything sat on the other side of the glass.
Twilight squinted and noticed a layer of dust covering the shelf in front of her, and her eyes widened when she realized everything inside was covered in dust. It wasn’t a thin layer either, and her heartbeat steadily increased with concern. She quickly raced around the room, dragging the ball of light behind her, and saw that each and every document was covered beneath a thick layer of dust. There was no way Princess Celestia would consciously just leave everything here in such an ill state! Everywhere she looked she was discovering smudges on the glass, bits of old spines flaking off, seals coming undone, and even a cobweb here and there. How she had never seen this before confounded her, but she disregarded all that for now. What mattered most was saving all this knowledge from degrading away.
She leapt across the room to the balcony doors, intent on alarming the Princess about this revelation, when something stopped her halfway. She glanced to the side at that old book, sitting on the desk right where she had left it. Like those in the shelves, it too was weathered and visibly broken. She stared at the thing and it stared back at her, and seconds turned to minutes as her thoughts came together and finally clicked. Twilight felt her tension fade and she paused to look all around her, at the bounty of knowledge nestled just beyond her reach. She thought back to everything Celestia had told her and then her attention focused downward, back to that one, lone, lexicon of a book. The ball of light quietly died and left her in perpetual darkness.
Another minute passed before she finally walked back over to the balcony. Gently, she nudged the doors open and stepped out onto the terrace. Princess Celestia was exactly where Twilight had left her, the moon was now at its peak and shining brighter than ever before, and the cool sensations of the night returned to her. She gazed up to the sky, taking in all the lights and sounds it had to offer and everything else unbeknownst to her. She smiled with an amused snort, and sat down.
Twilight softly leaned against Celestia and, together in silence, they watched the first of many shooting stars streak across the sky.
Written by, RazgrizS57
Special thanks: Pilate and Redsquirrel456
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I don't get it. Is the moral of the story that ignorance is bliss?
3183460
In a manner of speaking, yes. But that's not the key message this story is conveying.
As stated early, Twilight has always wanted to explore this private library of Celestia's, and now she's granted the opportunity. But she has to read Reason first, which according to Celestia holds the answer to every question there could ever be. Twilight would have to end up reading that old book before she could access the library, but what would be the point then in exploration if she could just get everything answered for her instead with Reason? Where's the fun in discovery if there is none?
The story tells the mind of Twilight, evident by her thoughts found between what would be Celestia's unbroken dialogue. As shown when Twilight skipped out on her friends, and as we've seen in the show, she's still believing that work comes before friends. That's the mindset Celestia wishes to tell her is bad, but she knows she can't simply tell her that because the point wouldn't get across. Twilight would have to come to this realization herself in the form of a revelation, an epiphany. Celestia herself had fallen into that trap, evident by the untouched wealth of knowledge covered in dust, and that's just another reason why she doesn't want Twilight to. However, she was worried because she didn't know if Twilight would actually read Reason, thus fall into the same trap as her.
Twilight, thankfully, did come to have the epiphany Celestia hoped she would. So in a way, ignorance is bliss. But more so, it's about slowing down and paying attention to details; enjoying the things in life, not becoming narrow-minded and losing sight of what matters most.
Or as I could put in a single sentence instead of a rambling series of paragraphs: the journey is more important than the destination.
I may or may not also be poking fun at the readers who don't get the message.Confused, but the good kinda of confused that means you think you're right... But don't know for sure. Mmm, I like this. Stories without a "yes/no" are a favourite of mine.
3183698 That's pretty deep.
...
I'm going to go watch Respawn Inbox now.
...
Mr. Sark is best pony
Thoughtful fanfic, had to read it two times to get it
but a really nice and meaningful story nonetheless
Yes. The moment I saw the title, I knew that it had to be a reference to that song. Best song on the whole Process of Belief. You are amazing. A BR fan brohoof to you. /)
Have you ever stopped to eat the roses?
SPOILER FREE REVIEW
I am blown away at this. The characters stayed in character which I like. I like Twilight's relationship with the princess, both seeing her as an equal but also as a teacher of sorts. No problems here.
The story was both simple yet complex at the same time: simple in execution, yet with a complex message woven into it. The pieces fell into place to make a superb story here.
Without a doubt, one of the BEST stories on this site, and in probably all of fan fiction. That is no small task my friend.
Twilight should have replied, "Princess, I'm here now, and that means I am sharing time with a friend." I think perhaps the story's last line shows that they both learned a Friendship Lesson there on the balcony.
Another word for dusk, of course, is... Well, Celestia's other favorite.
Should be: to see a book suddenly appear between them
This sentence seems disjointed. Should probably end with "at the time" but even then it's missing a thought or three.
Should this say "as much time in my study afterwards as you like"?
Nicely done, even if I'm not certain I like the implications of what Celestia's trying to teach, above and beyond "stop and smell the roses." Also, shipping goggles = ON, if for nothing else than the wonderful last line.
I thought you were channelling some serious Bad Religion here, then behold the end note! The journey is more important than the destination sometimes, and since in real life the destination perfect knowledge and understanding is unreachable that is a good thing. We will always be able to strive for better because best in unreachable.
I guess I'm a weird one here. I didn't really feel like any great message was conveyed and I couldn't understand why the idea of doing both (reading all that knowledge and remembering to appreciate life and friends) wasn't even considered.
Our time may be finite, but it is only wasted if we spend too much of it doing just one thing. If we were to spend all our time marveling at nature, sharing in one another's company, and enjoying the act of being alive we'd end up a primitive race of lazy, rapidly running towards extinction, primates. Work, study, rest, and every other aspect of life is not only beneficial, but necessary to our survival as a species. Doing too much of any aspect causes neglect in those other very needful areas.
We might not get everything we'd like to done, but we certainly can keep ourselves always getting better in every little piece that makes up the whole.
3183698
I was kind of under the impression the book was what caused the shift in perception- the dust doesn't symbolize actual dust, but general inattention. Celestia doesn't read, doesn't care for, those bookes, though of course she keeps them carefully cared for, but that isn't what Twilight was asking for. She was asking, indirectly, how often they were used, and the book showed her.
After all, the book isn't just a book, it's an ancient magical artifact, and Luna calls it 'epiphany'. I can see something of that sort manipulating you into answering your own question, through nothing but perception.
3319106 This. I found this story was very anti knowledge....without really understanding what knowledge was. Both have their place. In fact, we would never have time to stop and smell the roses if not for science. We'd be too busy trying to find enough meat, tree roots and berries to survive the day whilst avoiding the occasional Cave Hyena. Twilight didn't seem the slightest bit concerned for this knowledge that Celestia was letting rot. Just because you could lose yourself in the book doesn't mean it couldn't help thousands, if not millions live better lives. Now, if the book made you unable to look away, then I could understand this treatment. And I agree it should be destroyed because of how potent a weapon knowledge is in the wrong hands. But this story just...fell flat on me. If this is the argument against dedicating your life to science, I'm glad I haven't second guessed my choice in all these years once.
as quigon jinn would say - keep your mind in the present moment, padawan. as a proponent of the living force, i really liked the ending. the pursuit of knowledge is a great thing, but when it comes between friends and steals time away from building relationships, it is not so good. twilight and celestia sitting together, enjoying each others company, taking that all-important *time* with each other. so awesome.
As someone who is currently trying to understand knowledge and his pursuit of it, this story has affected me greatly. I thank you for it.
I loved how you managed to stack metaphors deep enough you'd need a shovel to go through all of them, but still managed to tell an enjoyable story, with a great aura of mystery.. I specially liked the parallels between the search for knowledge and the implicit sacrifice it requires.
Ahh, stories like these are refreshing to read. You have created quite the masterpiece with this story. Props to ya, mate.
So the reason is.... there is no reason?
Greetings, RazgrizS57! Here begins the review you requested from WRITE.
First, a preamble, as preambles tend to go first. You've asked for someone who can peel back layers of symbolism and subtext. I'm not your man. Besides the seeming "fishing for compliments" nature of the request, I'm pretty dense at reading between the lines. After all, you're the one who put that stuff in there. Why do you need me to tell you?
Second, I'm always interested to see why someone wants a story reviewed after it's already been well received at FiMFiction, posted on Equestria Daily, and has no more apparent thresholds to reach. So when an author still strives to improve after all that, it's unusual.
To the synopsis!
These things can be very difficult to write well. I don't have any good suggestions for how to make it better, but my impression is that the first two sentences essentially say the same thing: "Twilight's come a long way."
Past perfect is for completed actions in past tense, but you're using present in this synopsis, so go with simple past here.
And on to the story!
I'll be the first to say that this may simply be personal preference, but I'm usually not a fan of personification except for comedic effect. By giving the door such deep thoughts, you cheapen the ones that the characters have in comparison. And your choice to contract "might have" creates an informal mood that doesn't fit with the seriousness you're trying to foster. And get rid of the "that." There's no function for a noun clause here.
And another issue with the personification is that you've moved from the door's perspective to Twilight's within the same paragraph.
Ah, the old "show versus tell." It'd be better for you to lead me to this conclusion through the details of how she acts. If this were an unimportant moment squirreled away in the middle of the story, I could let it slide, but right up front like this, you need to connect the reader with the character's emotions as quickly as possible.
While you can find style guides that say this is okay, it's mostly because they've bowed to popular usage. The more standard way is to put the full apostrophe-s on singular terms. Your call.
Most times, you'll want to set off a dependent clause with a comma.
So many people get this wrong. The past tense of "lead" is "led." And your choice of "was" is incredibly boring here. It's an inherently boring verb. Nothing happens. I'm noticing a lot of them by now—let me do a brief search. was/wasn't: 90, is/isn't: 15, were/weren't: 12, be/been/being: 43. So for the easiest forms to search for, you have 160 in just over 4k words, or on average a little more than one every other sentence. This story is drowning in them. You really need to make the story more active.
I'm assuming "their" refers to the doors, but the two closest objects in either direction are "balcony" and "window," so it creates a sort of numeric dissonance as well as being ambiguous.
How can a window rise vertically to the center of a domed roof? It'd have to follow the dome's curve to get to the center, unless the dome is half inside and half outside, in which case I need that bit of description. You also have to be careful with misplaced modifiers, particularly with participles. Because they're right together in the sentence, it sounds like the roof is contoured and allowing the light in.
You don't want a sentence to ramble on about so many things that it loses focus. By the end of his, I've forgotten what it's about. We start with the distance, zoom in on the mountain, say it marks a place, expound that the place is where the sun will appear, and then add that the sun's path will follow the window. You're doing too much. Long sentences are fine, if they don't try to cover too much territory at once. If these ideas are all worth saying, spread them out over a couple of sentences that have tighter focus.
Missing a comma, and this is another abrupt change of focus. You start by having me picture unbroken walls, then shift to the bookcases and how much they impress her. That last clause has some pretty clumsy phrasing, too.
Second unnecessary use of passive voice in the paragraph. Make these active constructs. This is another source of your "to be" verbs.
There are two problems with this. First, it constitutes a third-person narrator referring to the narration itself. You don't want the writing to be that self-aware. Second, this is inescapably rendered from Celestia's perspective, while the story had rested in Twilight's so far. You must undertake changes of perspective very carefully. Is this information vital to the story? If so, is there a way to convey it while remaining in Twilight's perspective? And if both of those are "yes," then certainly you can stay with that character for a length of time. Don't immediately snap back to Twilight. That just jerks the reader around, and you need to let him get settled into a character.
Another misplaced modifier here. And this "breath she hadn't known she'd been holding" is horribly cliched.
Another instance of a comma needed to separate a dependent from an independent clause.
Cut that "although." It's unnecessary and creates a double-negative feel with the "but."
The tense of that "sighed" sounds out of place.
This does a much better job of setting the scene than your earlier "the balcony which was exceptionally small: it looked like it was never designed with holding more than one pony in mind..." It implies rather than blurts. This subtle bit of description makes what came before it extraneous.
That's a rather clumsy and immersion-breaking phrasing...
Twilight holds the perspective here. It's implied that anything you describe is what she sees. Stating it loses that subtlety.
And this whole paragraph is incredibly dry. You moved into a very close perspective now, with the narrator speaking Twilight's thoughts for her. And she's just listing fact after fact after fact. Where's the emotional context? How does she feel about all of this? Does the prospect of standing in for Celestia make her knees shake? Does a vision of Celestia on vacation make her smile? You're giving me nothing. These are the kinds of things that make me identify with a character and care about her.
I have nothing but the narrator's word for it that these thoughts are outlandish. What you'd listed above certainly wasn't, so I have to assume you mean she's got wild fantasies floating around in her mind. Let me see them. You can't just make an oblique reference and then make me come up with them for you.
It's unusual for commas after conjunctions to be correct. This one isn't.
The "too" and "after all" are pretty redundant.
Oddly phrased. Why not just "Wait, what if the Princess wanted to retire?"
The narration was rather smooth. It certainly didn't create the sensation that Twilight was torn from anything.
Creating repetitive structures or phrasings can be used for effect, but doing so with descriptive elements is playing with fire, because I can't tell whether they're nested. To wit: "hard and brown" describes the binding, but does "cracked and fraying" describe the earth or the binding? It can be ambiguous.
An extraneous "to."
I'll use this to illustrate a point. You have two pairs of subjects and verbs (Princess... floated, she... stared). As such, you need a comma between the clauses. Now if you'd combined them (The Princess floated the book closer to her eyes and impassively stared at its cover.), you'd have a single subject with two verbs, so no comma is needed. Given that both subjects are actually the same, it creates a repetitive feel, so I'd encourage you to go with the latter.
Such phrases are rarely necessary, since it'd be evident from the way the speech is punctuated, except... you didn't actually have her trail off. Why not?
Missing a comma. And a word or two...
Ah, an honest-to-goodness dangling participle! Who is stunned? She doesn't appear in the clause. Only her head does.
Another perspective jump. How would Twilight know Celestia was "sparing" a glance?
all of a sudden
Repetitive phrasing in consecutive sentences.
I've read this five times, and I still can't figure out what it means.
Perspective again. How would Twilight know what Celestia would've liked?
I'm not pointing out all of these. In fact, I'm not pointing out many at all. But here's yet another spot where you bluntly inform me of her mood instead of describing how she looks and acts and getting me to deduce how she feels.
Use hyphens in most multi-word modifiers.
This is the third or fourth time (just going on my impression here without counting) you've told me what she doesn't notice. When a reader notices writing tics like this, it hurts immersion. And this is the second use of "noticed" in the paragraph.
Yet you said everything went black...
I don't get the comparison. A lexicon is a specific type of book, which this one isn't.
I like the way this turned out. You had something nice to say, and you did it in an understated fashion. This is the key point. You showed how Twilight was getting upset, running around the room, then went to Celestia for comfort. The message spoke for itself. You didn't have to beat me over the head and spell out exactly what you meant, and that's why it works. Now, do that with the story's emotional content as well. All those spots where I said you were telling instead of showing (there were a whole lot more than I marked) are the exact same thing. Don't beat me over the head with saying how someone feels. Give me the evidence and lead me to the conclusion, the same way you did with the story's message. Here's my tasty copypasta on the subject:
Also on the mechanical side of things, I saw the odd assortment of awkward phrasings, word repetition, misplaced modifiers... but the only really consistent problem was commas. I'd shown you a couple examples of each type of misused one I saw, so you should be able to root out the rest. Be careful of the perspective shifts, too. They weren't blatant, so it didn't feel like you did so consciously. You just have to keep a very firm sense of perspective as you write so that you don't fall into these little traps.
Lastly, I didn't see any issues with character or plot. Both characters act believably, and the the plot is simple enough that it'd be hard to get wrong... though I can't say I saw any thick layering of symbolism and allegory. It was pretty much all on the surface—the examples of things getting old and collecting dust right before her eyes, the sun setting. It works, mind you, but I didn't end up feeling like there was some deeper meaning I missed.
So, while I'd say there's some rough going in getting there, you have a strong ending that leaves a good last impression. Fix those things up, and you could have something really special. One has to make it through all that to get to the ending, after all.
Keep writing and have fun with it!
Pascoite, WRITE's mineral
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3183698
So you have a story about slowing down and learning things the natural way through experience rather than being told outright (and to "stop and smell the roses"), and then you go and explain the moral of the story to someone.
3970623
Shush you.
3764012
Oh jeez. I must apologize for taking so long to get back to you on this. I could probably think up an excuse, but in the end there's really none.
Thank you very much for investing your time and effort going through this story. I'll be definitely sure to go through the whole thing thoroughly, paying special attention to what you said and all that you pointed out. Forgive me if my initial request came out a bit egotistical—that was not my intention. Nonetheless, I'm glad you seem to have enjoyed the story. Again, many thanks.
3982068
You're welcome. It was definitely a good read. The best part is that the reader has a bigger "aha!" moment than Twilight does. She immediately runs to Celestia, while I suddenly understand what Celestia was doing. In fact, Twilight's "aha!" moment is more of a gut reaction than full understanding, which will probably come a bit later. It's a much more authentic reaction than having her shout, "Oh, I just learned X!" which too many authors would do. The more I'm left to figure out on my own, the better, as long as enough evidence is there to do so.
Now this is the kind of simple cleverness I expect from one of the shows old episodes. Cant say much without spoiling things. I somehow thought the ending would be sad but it turned out just right. Had to read one of your comments to grasp all of the imagery. ...Gah! I tried to be clever but I promised myself no spoilers in any comments.
Great story. Might even show this one to my niece.
Being an impatient reader bit me in the ass.
I read the first paragraph then skipped to the end as the story hadn't grabbed me. I read the last few paragraphs and was confused. Was this a time paradox? Did dust conquer Celestia's library in the 600 years Twilight was held immobile by the book, only to find the princess still sitting on her balcony, now under an encroaching ivy canopy? Oh, wait. That doesn't make sense.
Then I had to go back and read it.
Aha. I think.
Understanding is not devalued by increases in volume thereof. That's a logical fallacy. The message, I hope, is that all knowledge is useless if we forget about each other in the pursuit of it.
Again, I think. The delivery leaves some room for interpretation.
Bwuh? What just buckin' happened?
Wait, wait... "The journey of discovery is more important than the discovery at the destination?" Well I guess it applies to life experiences, but it certainly doesn't apply to SCIENCE!
Wooosh!
Straight over my head.
I really enjoyed this one. Small, succinct and to the point.
Took a long breath after finishing, and went out for a walk to the nearby mountains.
Thank you :)
Aww s***, I just realized I skipped out on friends the other day for work. But what am I kidding, I already had my vacation.
I remember reading this story a long time ago. According to this (http://onemansponyramblings.blogspot.com/2015/12/one-final-christmas-gift-you-can-give.html), I would like to thank you. This fanfic taught me the right lesson at the right time. Every moment I'm awake, I feel alive. Or at least control and choose when I do. I taught me a lesson that I knew all along, but that I never listened to had neglected the time before I had read it. There were a few other things that made me stop and smell the roses at the time. I felt a sense of peace in my life.
Whenever I hear that phrase, I think of this story. And so, I would like to say: Thank You <3
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This comment filled me with warm fuzzies. Thank you for that.
You can has review!