Well, this is a new one good job.

This doesn't sound terrible. I'll give it a read later

Interesting concept.

pffft.....I can only see it like this.......

I don't know how I feel about what's going on. I like Spike in the show and in the fan-fictions, but this is the first I've seen where he begins to turn into someone like this. I guess I'm just the sappy happy endings for everyone kinda guy. Either way good story and look forward to more, if only to see how sad and disappointed I can feel for the choices they made and will make. When I saw the part about pregnancy, my first thought was that Twist will try to get pregnant in another attempt to keep Spike all to herself. That would be interesting, but I hope it doesn't go that far. I have a strange feeling the previous sentence will come back to bite me.

Busted!

3158125 I with you here i never like concept either spike act more like a teenager then a kid in fact he seems older then the CMC.

3158938

Why thank you.

Moar!

Spike X Twist?! Why I normally don't like it when Spike is shipped with a filly, a rare pairing such as this is too good to pass up.

The problem with reviewing any bad fic more than 4k words long is that I see a single flaw, and want to point it out, then another flaw, and as the story marches on it trips over its own flaws and more flaws pile over each other in a gigantic heap like soldiers in a farcical 1950's military sitcom, slide whistles and all, until I no longer have the patience or energy to analyze them all.

Just a sample of the things that irked me: Idiot Twilight, unhealthy, dark romances without dark tag; Royal Pony Sisters giving too many shits about things they shouldn't give a shit about, clunky dialogue, stunningly lazy prose ("like a dangerous animal at a zoo" what was crocodile too hard to spell?), stupid love triangles, character thoughts and internal reality matching up too well, conflation of ignorance about sex with 'purity', every stupid romantic drama soap trope stuck in there like a deformed parade of leering cliches, utter lack of characterisation for Twist...

Anyhoo, downvote from me. I'm going to go read some RagingSemi to clear my head.

3159725 indeed it's rare.

3159749 so rare you need to throw a master ball at it

3159791 At least she didn't knocked out.

inflexwetrust.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IFWT-Manny-meme-11.jpg

3159781

“I get it. It’s better for her to spread it around and hurt other people than dealing with herself. If that‘s the case, I hope she stays depressed forever!” The filly shouted as she left. The teacher called out to her to no avail.

As soon as something serious happens you're going to eat those words, Twist. Have fun doing so.

A somewhat dark, slightly twisted take but still sorta based on the reality of the teenage psyche.

Also, this last chapter kinda makes me think Spike is gonna start growing a bit as his hoarding instincts kick in in a whole different way...

3158800 Sorry, that was supposed to be post office.

3159728 I absolutely love your comment and I am absolutely serious when I say that. A comment like yours is extremely rare. So many people use the comment section but it is rare that anyone leaves a detailed explanation of what they liked or hated about a particular story. I'd like to thank you for taking the time to do so.

I won't ask you to read anymore, but I'd like to thank you for critiquing what you could.

3160344

Huh. I'm very glad you feel the same way about receiving story critiques as I do. If you want more detailed feedback on any particular issue I raised, ask away.

3159728 HE'S BEING BRUTALLY HONEST! THUMB HIM DOWN! THUMB HIM DOWN TO OBLIVION!

3159728
Holy shit dude, unleash the fucking thunder! Seriously though, I have to give you props for sticking to your guns despite people downvoting you. It's hard to be a critic when people automatically declare you an asshole for it.

3160670

A frustration as a writer is getting downvotes on a story but with no solid feedback on what people didn't like, only what they loved. Because I know that sometimes I downvote stories without leaving feedback just because the effort of dredging out exactly what I didn't like will take too much time, or revolves around subtle issues, hard to air, that can nontheless ruin a story. And sometimes I don't even bother to downvote, just see a story sucks from the first few paragraphs and run the fuck away.

I have got a lot of mileage out of positive feedback on my stories, but truly negative feedback where a reader loathed something about one of my stories is doubly useful. It hurts you, of course, but that's the point. You can't just skim past and be like 'hell yeah, i'm good at that', you have to stop, and work out if and where and how you've fucked up, and if it needs fixing and how to fix it.

3160709
Yeah, you really have to take the good with the bad. While it is nice to receive compliments on your story, no problems will ever change unless somebody takes the time to point them out. It's how you grow as a writer, you make mistakes and then you learn from them. However if someone is just being disrespectful and insulting, well take those with a grain of salt.

I will admit though, there are several times where I have fled a story that looked quite bad from the offset. So don't feel alone in that regard.

3160750>>3160709 Ah, the nature of writing. These things are pretty much universal, no matter what you're writing, when you're writing, or where you're writing it. Praise is good to keep your confidence up, but negative feedback is infinitely more useful.

Also your profile picture is beyond beautiful, Draven Eclipse. Are you on the NA servers?
And you, my good man Chuckfinley, you speak truth. And I find it interesting how you don't distinguish words labeled as "swear words" from regular speech, as well as the way you don't care about whether people judge you for the latter. I like that. I respect that.

3159575 It's a fanfic, I ain't gotta explain shit.

I'm getting a serious School Days vibe from this now. I can only hope this doesn't end with ANY murders.

Did anyone else think of this song when reading the title/story?

me likeypls give us more epic stories like this

3161377 That anime scarred me for life. I hope we don't see Spikes head in a duffel bag on a ship.

Very nice, but in many parts of the story there were missing commas. Other than that I have absolutely no qualms at all with this fantastic and unique shipping :3

3161639 I drew inspiration from that anime. I found School Days infinitely fascinating as a story. A tale of young love that goes wrong and spirals out of control and drags you along with it until you reach a state of despair and hopelessness. For any story to do that, it has to make you care about these characters and what's going on that you're emotionally invested to really feel it when it all goes to hell.

I've watched so many harem anime that just string the viewer along without any sense of closure that it feels like I spent my time watching a twelve episode series that went absolutely nowhere. When I finished School Days, it was the first time I got a sense of finality from a harem anime. The protagonist didn't agree to be friends with all the girls who obviously have feelings for him. He wasn't allowed to remain completely oblivious to the emotional storm around him. I appreciated School Days for doing that.

As for Spike's head, I don't plan to separate it from his shoulders anytime soon.

3159728 raging semi? You have good tastes!

I can only see this ending similarly to the anime School Days...
*spoilers kinda*
For those who don't know, in the anime, the guy that got stabbed was dating that second girl, cheated with the first one, then ended up being a douche who slept with every girl he could. And that video below is just how well that went for him...

3163270 Still young enough to be a colt. In short 8 -12

3163071 Twi should be in her late teens. Plus the show never explain how AJ family pass so AB was still a baby for all we know.

3163068 Oh crap.

3162158 Ok. that's good.

3164670
Good eye.

So....
Spike is being a dick. Twist is being a creepy little "see you next tuesday". Twilight is being a dunce. And royalty really likes "live" train-wreck talk shows.

Why am I still reading this? And more importantly why am I liking it?

3161377

Are you kidding? I hope it turns into a bloodbath. That would be the most entertaining story possible.

Hmm, besides the media influence that this story has. Without repeating everyone and acting like its my review.

The reason I down-voted the story is the characterization of pretty much everyone.

My feeling on how this story is going to go is like this. spike is just going to become a greater dickhead that won't face any real consequence or anything till near the end or at the end.

and really all that makes me feel is just kinda ehhhhh. I mean don't get me wrong if he has some close calls or something dash in before the great fall it be nice, but see how this path is going all that going to happen is.

Spike make a Lie
A pony believe the Lie
Spike does questionable action's with A Pony
B pony question spike about what happen to A pony
Spike lies or disregards the subject and justifiably the action in his own head as better for everyone

and pretty much this cycle. until his big downfall

an other minor thing that bug me is compare to humans how old mentally are they meant to be. Is spike a really creepy 16 year old mess around with 10-12 year old girls or what? not a big issue but giving us a base line age gap or how close in age would add a small but welcome weight to the overall story.

<insert obligatory "what a twist" comment here>

3167919 All the stuff you say is going to happen has already happened. So your prediction pretty much is just a summary of the story up until now, except extremely vague and therefore pointless. Who is pony A? Who is pony B? What is the questionable act? What is Pony A going to do about Pony B or vice versa? What exactly does Spike's great downfall entail?

Whose to even say there is a big downfall? What if Spike developed feelings for Pony A and wanted to go straight? What if he decides to confess everything to get Pony B out of his life for good? What if Pony B got desperate and tried to interfere?

If you want to downvote my story because of what I've already written, go ahead. However, you have no right judge material I have not yet written.

Well now, the plot thickens and thickens!
If it gets any thicker, Celestia will start looking thin!

Loving this story so far, and I eagerly await the next chapter

im lovin the fic so far spike would have to be my favorite character on the show.

fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/299/d/8/spike__s_a_dragon_by_thewormouroboros-d4e2422.png

needs a bit more fluttershy

.........Damn.

Never saw this pairing, this fic coming. It's scary.

Ron Weasley. Brilliant! But scary.

I really don't see things turning out well for all parties involved. Especially as Spike continues to get all the fillies without even trying. But, i'm so deeply intrigued by all the events and the feelings portrayed therein that i'm compelled to ride this out to the end.

I look forward to more of this most excellent story.

Man, Twist has joined THE DARK SIDE ( cue starwars dark side tune)

This is getting even better. Ooooh the drama!

I know someone already mentioned it but I soooo see this turning out similar to School Days. Not that I'm complaining I just did not see this coming when I started this fic two hours ago. That scene with Diamond Tiara getting headbutted was priceless. Twist getting paired with Spike does not happen that often some would say it's a "Rarity" Okay, ya that was a pretty bad but I'm still right even though I don't count this as a true shipping sense he is only using her for sex. This is no longer a love triangle it's more of a love square... possibly a love pentagon. I swear, if this turns into a harem fic for Spike I'm sold.... like Twist would ever let that happen.

Never knew this couple until now...