• Published 4th Sep 2013
  • 1,449 Views, 87 Comments

Once Upon a Starry Night Sky - Theater Critic



Fluttershy tries to tell her feelings to Rainbow Dash

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The meeting...

The silhouette of a certain yellow pegasus could be seen standing out over the crest of Apple Grove Hill, her outline framed by the gentle glow of Luna's moon. The figure stood there, wings stretched wide open in the cool breeze, still and waiting, the desire to flee coursing through her veins. But no. She needed to talk with Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy could not bare to hide any longer.

A nervous hoof dug its way into the soft and fertile dirt beneath it, twisting a small clod out, the moist form staining her hoof just slightly with brown. She really wasn’t sure how Rainbow Dash was going to react to her words tonight. She almost did not ask Rainbow Dash to come to the hill, Dashie was her oldest friend, and for the longest time she was her sole pony friend. Fluttershy did not want to ruin that sort of relationship just because she wanted more. She let out a small whimper of frustration over the situation.

Slowly Fluttershy became aware of the soft clip-clopping sound of hoof steps growing near. Turning her head she saw her. Rainbow Dash. Her toned flanks swayed confidently and that same confidence radiated forth from the smile on her face. A flick of her prismatic mane and she sat down right alongside the shy mare.

"What's up Flutters?" Rainbow Dash asked a playful grin on her face now, happy to be spending time with one of her dearest friends.

"Well... I... uh... you see..." Fluttershy could not even complete a full thought now once faced with the prospect of actually talking to Dash. And talking to Dash about such a formidable subject.
"Yeah? You know you can talk around me Fluttershy, I won't bite" She jokingly nips at her timid friend, laughter in her eyes.
Fluttershy looked up at those magenta eyes, so caring, worried over her friend, she knew this despite the laughter there at their surface. How could this be so hard, so hard to just admit something, all it would take is three small words. Three words. That should be nothing. She stomped a hoof and sat her flank down, distancing herself slightly from her friend.
"Is there something wrong?" Rainbow Dash smile fading ever so slightly at her friend's unusual behavior.
Fluttershy let out a muffled squeak, “No!”

"Then why are you scooting away?" Rainbow Dash moved closer to her. "Fluttershy, you can tell me anything." Reaching a hoof out she slowly started to massage the soft butter yellow shoulder of her friend's, frowning more as she felt how stiff she was, "Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy looked once more to her friend’s eyes. And then she looked to the night sky, of all the twinkling stars in the sky. She remembered one night at flight camp where the two of them snuck off and just spent the night watching meteors. Of course, it had been all Rainbow Dash's idea. It had been terrifying at first, such a silly thought now, but at the time seeing those speeding balls of fire particularly hurtling at them left her trembling against her friend's soft blue fur. That time spent with her best friend made it one of her treasured memories. That’s why she chose tonight to tell Dashie. Tonight, under the beautiful moonlit sky. That was the night she had realized her true feelings...

“I have something to tell you, Dashie…”

"I figured as such." Rainbow Dash said, "Though I don't know why you're being so nervous..."
“Eep!” Fluttershy buried her face in mane and hooves, not even peeking at the cerulean form next to her, “I can’t say it!”
"Hmmm," Dash stroked her muzzle, "Is it about my birthday coming up?"

Fluttershy simply shook her head weakly, a muffled no coming forth from the mussed up mane.
"Didn't think so. What is Fluttershy? You know I'm no good at guessing games...Not that any pony needs to know that!"
“RainbowDashIthinkIloveyou!” Fluttershy said in all one breath and in a manner most incomprehensible.

"What?"

A single teary eye peaked out through the pink tangled mess its depths swimming with emotions torn between disbelief and love, “I love you Dashie…”

"F-Flutters, I..." Rainbow Dash was blown away by this revelation, struck speechless.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell you because I was so worried you’d hate me forever and not want to be my friend anymore and..and …” Fluttershy trailed off as she felt Dash’s muzzle nuzzle up against her cheek, licking up her trail of tears.

"I love you too, Fluttershy," She kissed her, lightly on the tip of her snout, as she confessed her own feelings, "I think I've loved you for a long, long time. I'm so glad you feel the same."

With a gasp and sudden speed yellow hooves darted their way around her friend, no, her lover's neck and hugged her close.

"Oh Dashie, I love you so much!"

And that night the newfound, deeply in love couple spent the night together, tightly curled up in each others legs. It was a night much like the one they both remembered from their filly hood. A night looking up at the star's, a night looking into each other's eyes. A night keeping each other warm. They spent the night there, watching a show that seemed specially made for them, a gift from Luna to celebrate their love as it were. As the first rays of Celestia's dawn peered over the hills of Canterlot, it was to the sight of the two mares wrapped tightly in each others hooves, wings layered over each over. Asleep in each others embrace neither one of them noticed this.

Author's Note:

So, yeah.

INCOMING DOWNVOTES FOR NO REASON!

Comments ( 87 )

Spelled finally wrong... Will read now.

Wow, it wasn't... terrible. I actually enjoyed this. To me it felt clumpy and only a TAD rushed, 1500 words would of been nice, but overall, it wasn't terrible.

And good luck and wishes to your writing.

3157105

Thanks for the feedback! (I'm watching you thumbs down.)

3157120
I thumbed up actually.

3157124

Nono. For my comment.

3157128
Oh, I don't know who done that.

3157136

Now to see how Umachan likes this... >:)

This was rushed. But otherwise, HOLY SHIT TheaterCritic, you actually wrote a good fic.

Should be fun to watch the comments, don't feel like reading it though.

Wow... If it weren't for the fact that I don't like lesbian shipping (No offense to anyone who likes it) I would actually find this story good

Well, it's not terrible I'll give you that. There's actual structure, descriptions and the occasional spelling mistake but it's definitely not the worst thing I ever read and possibly the best thing with your name on it. Don't get me wrong though, it's no masterpiece but in it's favor it misses a lot of the problems that led to some of your previous stories from being voted down. And I'm not including those that voted your stories down for the hell of it.

I'm hoping that this is a turning point for you and you learn to treat others better than you have. That's going to be the hard part for you. You are partially responsible for the reaction that you've gotten. In effect, you've defined yourself as a person that can't be reasoned with. Change this, make it an honest change and you might find people are more accepting of not only your stories but you as a person.

But the final question remains and that is how much of this is you and how much of it was Normal?

3157175
Why, does this seem like something I'd write at all?:derpyderp1:

Comment posted by Umachan deleted Sep 5th, 2013

3157201
According to the summary you helped with this. I'm wondering what kind of help you provided to young Theater? Was it words of encouragement? An outline? Some cleanup work? Suggestions? Or was it a collaboration in the truest sense of the word?

You don't need to answer if you don't want to. I and I'm sure others would like to know.

OH MY GOD! I KNEW THEY THUMBED DOWN MY COMMENTS ON A FUCKING GOOD STORY!

Nnow to see who did it...

3157147

Thanks! I owe it all to one person: ME!

Nah, JK. I owe some of it to Normal for helping me out!

Also, thanks for the feedback! It's good to get some good reviews! NOt it's going to be easy to hit 100 followers!

3157234
And to people in general. :ajsmug:

I'm just going to say I had little to do with this and I'd like to see the only person who could say otherwise (Theater) argue that fact. I'll stick to my word.:ajsmug:

3157165

Thanks for the feedback!

3157175

I wrote the basic story, and Normal fleshed it out!

3157242
And here we go again.

Theater. You need to stop this. You are simply adding fuel to the fire by making comments of this type. People are going to continue to thumb down your comments just to see you lose your shit. You're making the whole situation worse. Unless that's your plan in which case you should carry on.

3157147

Also, it's Theater Critic, not TheaterCritic.

3157269

Yeah, that's my plan to piss others off. >:)

3157267
So I'm guessing that you wrote the bare bits of it namely what happens and Normal added in the details and the descriptions while possibly ironing out some problems.

I can get behind that. Keep this up and you might actually get some positive credit on this site.

3157224

(ugh, can't beleive I have to say this.) Thanks for the feedback! I'm still blocking you after this!

3157277
And again. You're doing this to yourself. You do understand this right?

And I notice that even one of your harshest critics, Umachan, was pleasant in his response to you. Are you trying to piss him off as well and continue this little war of egos that the two of you have?

3157281
K. Since you people liked it, i"m going to give you a sneak preview of my new fanfic:

WINDWAKER VS. WIND WAKER!

Comment posted by Umachan deleted Sep 5th, 2013
Comment posted by Umachan deleted Sep 5th, 2013

3157286
I take it back. Looks like you haven't learned a thing.

3157298
And no. We don't want to hear about your OC. That's another reason why you get so many thumbs down.

3157299

Well, I'm still angry over you with everyone.

I'm going to treat everyone nicer! Except you, fiddlesworth, Lord Ershwin, and moviemaster.

So, back to being blocked!

3157312

Hey! Umchan deleted the comments, not me!

So, I'm prepared for the thumbs down. I don't care about those [etty little things. What matters is if people like them! I don't care if I even get banned, I will always write stories no matter what!

The fuck did I just say?

WOOT! WOOT!

The dislikes are adding up!

3157277

Yeah, that's my plan to piss others off. >:)

(ugh, can't beleive I have to say this.) Thanks for the feedback! I'm still blocking you after this!

So, back to being blocked!

And you wonder why it is that you're getting thumbs down?

Wait. I take that back. Never mind, I don't think you've learned a thing about all this.

HI I've taken a copy of this for a review if you would like to see what I think heres a link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Slash-wing-my-little-pony-FIM/339895572794546

WHAT THE FUCK! I thought you learned! Learned to be nice and respect and actually take advice. NO! I was wrong. You loss all my respect and now I am pissed. I am now pretty pissed. I thought you actually learned. But I knew it was too good to be true.

3157582
U such a h8ter. Call down, and chill!

I LOVE THIS STORY!

3157683
Bah, even I will say that this is relative crap. Only coming from theatercritic's account does this look like gold.

Okay, this fic wasn't too bad, but it was really rushed. Like, there really was no "conflict" in the story, since Dash just automatically loved her, and without a conflict, there is no story.

But the concept was good, and with some revisions and additions in the middle, this could be good. I would go on with the grammatical errors as usual, but I;m too lazy. So yeah; edit.

But the fact that you're intentionally making people mad makes me lose all respect in you and hate you a wee bit more. As people have been saying; STOP. IT.

Did you get that? Lemme repeat that..

S
T
O
P

I
T

Legit. If you want to stop be downvoted for no reason, you have to treat people like people and not try to make them mad just because you can. Because then people think you're stupid and horrible.

So don't.

If I had wrote it, and given that I write some pretty terrible stories it would be possible for me to have wrote it, I would have ended it on a sad/happy note. With Dash admitting that she loved Fluttershy simply as a friend. But that's just me. Anyway, while brief, I have no problem with that, and somewhat abruptly ending, also no problem with I'm a big fan of short stories and they start late and end soon that's the golden rule, it wasn't bad. Nothing spectacular, once again I couldn't do any better, but certainly not terrible by any stretch of the imagination. I'm giving a thumbs up for two reasons. One: I always give thumbs up no matter what, I'm kind like that :pinkiehappy: . Two: I actually enjoyed it. :pinkiegasp:

3157451 It's just hard for a narcissist to look in a mirror, and see his faults.

THEATER CRITIC FINNALY DOES A STORY WITHOUT WIND?

i wish for once you'd do a serious story.
hell, even regidar did!

3158670
I would think it's more like he accepts his own faults as being normal while decrying them in others.

This also makes me wonder how many friends he has in real life and how he truly acts when not online.

3157330

Hey! Umchan deleted the comments, not me!

You seriously expect me to believe that? Based on what, your word alone? Theater, your word counts for nothing and the sooner you understand this the sooner you can start to fix things like your damaged reputation.

There is precedent on your side for deleting comments and censoring your critics. I look at your page and there's ample evidence of this. Why should I believe you when the same thing has happened once again?

So, I'm prepared for the thumbs down. I don't care about those [etty little things.

That was fast. Just a few posts above this you were complaining about the thumbs down. You've either done one of the fastest turnarounds in history or you're lying in an attempt to save face. If you don't care about petty things, then why complain about it? And on your new story that you're writing you say to get ready for, and I might be paraphrasing here, "a fuckton of thumbs down". This to me looks like you attempting some reverse psychology. You think that if you mention it that you're expecting it and welcome it then your critics won't give you any thumbs down just to prove you wrong.

But you know what? I want you to prove me, and everybody else wrong. I want you to take your time and write a good story. Take the structure that you have here with the descriptions, the format and expand it. Make the audience want to read it because it's compelling and not because they think it's going to be bad. Then accept whatever thumbs down you get with good grace because you're going to get them. Don't mention it in a blog. Don't say you don't care about them. Don't ask if that's all they have and you want more. Just stay silent on the whole thing. Accept constructive criticism for what it is, people wanting to give you pointers on how to improve.

And then here's going to be the hard part. Give the same thing in return. When there's a story that you don't like, tell them but tell them why you don't like it and how they can improve it. Don't just say it sucks and that it's worse than "the Element of Time" or something by Felix Dawn. Back up your words with why it's like this. Give reasons for it and give solutions to them.

You might still get thumbs down from certain people but at least you won't be getting them from the majority and might actually get more thumbs up than thumbs down.

That's it. I've taken this as far as I can. Told you several times what it is you should be doing and if you can't follow it after all this time then it's probably not going to happen. Good luck to you.

3159255 22 times, actually.

Theater Critic this is the first of your work that I've read or even commented on, and I have to say from what I've seen in the comments, you seem to be a generally antagonistic narcissist who can admit no fault. I admit I'm not the best at writing MLP (I can't write a good one without humanizing them to save my life), but at least from what I've heard (on Fanfiction, not here, I've written only one story here so far and have gotten no feedback at all, positive or negative) I'm at least generally pleasant to deal with and can accept even my harshest of critics advice and have pleasant conversations with them.

One thing, as many others have mentioned, that would help you deal with the shit storm and feedback, would be to change your general attitude towards your reviewers, both good and bad. I didn't see Umachans comments, because someone, (I'm honestly at this point suspecting you) deleted them. But I'm sure even s/he was at least positive in their attitude towards you. Don't silence your critics, embrace them and learn from them, you can only benefit from it.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that aside from the few spelling errors in this, is that it was genuinely good.... to an extent. But how much of that was you, and how much was Normal? I'd like to see some stories from you that are your own, that are as good as this one is. I liked it, and gave it a thumbs up. I hope that I can continue to like and give your work thumbs up, so maybe flesh em out a little more? I'm always down to do some editing work if you ever want my help. Anyways, this is just my observations, and I'm giving them to you with the respect I'd give any other person delving into the wonderful world of literature. Have a good day, until we speak again (and we inevitably will) FlutterDashTableThrower signing off. :rainbowlaugh::heart::yay:

3158657

I was actually going to make it that, but Normal insisted a happy ending because it's a shipping story.

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