Shining Armor takes a troop of his best guards to find Queen Chrysalis.
Chapters (3)
Uber_Shy
Joined 25th Nov, 2012 ·
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Good Story.
Beautiful.
Well done!
short, fast pace, lacks quite a few details but it's interesting. you have my curiosity ,at least.
it has potential to be a great story. even multi chapter but...it's short. beginner short. you can write well and can describe things well but it's abit lackluster when theres not enough details to tell the full story.
Slow down the pacing to explore each character a bit more, then just a name and a blurb of how they look, and this would work as a good prequel chapter to a much longer Dark/Adventure style story, Id say.
Don't let the negative comments here discourage you. This is a good premise, just flesh it out a bit more. Each one of these chapters coud have been easily doubled to tell the same story with different pacing.
i almost feel as if this and the chapter before this could have been one. but I love the detail you put in to these short chapters, so please keep it up as I am quite interested in seeing how this all unfolds
I'm liking this so far.
3151645 Prequel to a much longer dark adventure you say? funny you should mention that...
pacing needs work, this whole thing could of been one chapter but i have to say i am eager to find out what happens! :D
though id love for this not to get too dark as in someone has to die for the baby to be ok. and yeah the doctors right whats wrong with her!? shes just a little baby D:
i actually hope you don't turn the baby into a normal pony by the end of this it would be....bad i think. been done too many times. it would actually be cool to see Crissy being excited about being a grandma or something XD
still hope this turns out good for everyone and i do mean everyone XD
3152237
Lol kind of my favorite genre of story it seems.
Though I have no idea how I could think that your first bits here were complete... 
I honesty typed that comment before realizing that this was still marked incomplete
And srsly nobody will check on Applecart if she is changeling ?
3229192 Interesting theory. What makes you say that?
3151455 I admit it was a bit rushed for the sake of getting the idea out of my head before others started popping in. The second through fifth acts are much better developed. Thank's for your input
3258680
Because of common sense, she knew a lot and act to suspicious
3260349 Could have sworn I had an explanation for that... oh well. just keep reading. Things aren't as cut and dry as they seem I swear.
3262457
Yeah but it's still to fishy just :P
Suddenly, unexplained shipping of Shining Armor with some other mare/changeling. Well good to see this is still alive.
4420690 I find that to be quite an accusation. Shining Armor is a married man after all.
4420724
But with a Changeling hybrid that is, from all aspect of the magic, means, he helped Chrysalis make Changeling kids with. So, I'm not sure wis Starlight is Shining's kid or Chrysalis kid.
Oh I guess this means this is a literal cliff hanger
4526399 haha guess it is
Well, there is something wrong with her. She would be a pony were it not for Chrysalis's magic, which this paragraph implies is something that is still affecting her. Chrysalis has corrupted Shining Armor's seed with herself to second-hand impregnate Cadance. The world's quietest and most unnoticeable rape.
It would almost be kinder were Cadance to discover that one of her "encounters" with Shining Armor had been with a changeling. Then, at least they could accept it as not their child but raise it anyways--a number of impregnated rape victims do that anyways, despite the trauma of it. But here, Shining Armor is forced to acknowledge that he was the method by which the parasitic spell impregnated his wife; to know that the changeling has some part of him in it, twisted and corrupted into something unrecognizable, on top of the more obvious problems on Cadance's side.
Self-loathing layered on top of the emotional issues that can already come with raising children born of rape...
If it truly is something that can be removed, then yes, there is something wrong with her.
A child held against an alicorn or a former captain of the guard, one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria with a focus on protecting things?
Yeah, the baby's in way less danger than you are.
Typo. Also, the first part ended up pronounced "crystal", which considering their nationality I found to be a lulzy little coincidence.
How long will it take them to discover that Applecart's a changeling? It seems a bit too soon for anything of the sort to happen now, but I don't know how close they are to seeing Chrysalis... or what Chrysalis might want. Not enough clues to guess at that yet.
What kind of pony is an angry Shining Armor?
Is he the one who burns with heated, growling rage?
Does his voice go cold and the air about him seem to freeze from controlled anger?
Or is he that type that shows no outward signs of the intense wrath boiling in his heart, with a calm face and words that sometimes seem to be little more than whispers?
Does it curdle in his chest like rotting poison, or does it disappear like an firecracker that covers the sky in brilliant flames for only a brief second?
Huh, not too many fics actually include heartsongs. Kudos!