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Doctor Whooves553 stories ·1,805 members
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Cloudchaser has just been saved by the doctor. Cloud Chaser starts to love him for saving her. But now Derpy loves doctor and SO does Cloudchaser. And, what will happen if the two just get into a mare fight? And who will win? Now Doctor has TWO lovers.
Half the credit goes to Cadance Paladin for the idea of the story!
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This story is very difficult to follow. I'm not entirely sure whether repeating those paragraphs was deliberate or not.
Whether that was for some effect I missed or just to reach the 1000 word minimum, I know not. However, I really felt the first time you used this phrase it was very confusing. One moment the Doctor and Derpy were in the TARDIS, and the next moment Derpy was in a storm.
When you used it the second time, surely Flitter was unconscious by this point? It says so right here:
I strongly recommend seeking an editor for advice. You branched off onto so many strange tangents that you didn't really tell much story in the 1000 words you wrote. You branched off onto topics such as Derpy's eyes, and the Doctor "running into things" including some... mushrooms? Is this somehow going to be significant later on in the story. It just feels like an awfully specific thing to add if it didn't have some relevance in the story.
I'll stop here. It's a nice idea, but a lot of housework needs to be done.
i always love stories with Derpy and Doctor Wooves this story is one of them
3169710 Well, I know it was really confusing. BUT COME ON! I kinda did that on PURPOSE BECAUSE OF DERPY'S EYES!
But thanks for the advice!
3169712 Thanks for being the only nice one so far.
3169830 Your welcome and i like to be nice all the time
3169840 Yay!
3169858 yeah
Why does this have 5 deleted comments...?
3170618 They were very rude comments, and I didn't ever want to see them again. Example: They almost made me cry.
3174763
Alright.
3174763 That was Theater Critic. He's....well...
3174962 Yay! Go team! Lol.
3175538 Me too. Love these movies!
when are CloudChaser and Derpy gonna have their hoof fight???
3191959 Don't worry... SOON! Check out some of my other stories while you wait! Well, if you don't mind.
3196466 Oops...
3242044 YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT CLOUDCHASER!
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/105/f/f/cloudchaser_by_electricpraise777-d4w9qt4.jpg
And, that's what she looks like blushing.
I hope Derpy will win this fight
3245867 Just wait and see.
3249811 THE ADVERTISEMENT!
dont know if this has been said yet....
....but whooves is misspelled in the title
3413622 How did I not notice that?
But, thanks for telling me. 
I am literally about to cry! I feel really bad for Derpy... STUPID CLOUDCHASER!
3456025
At least it's just a fan fic!
I like it so far, but you've got some errors with the flow.
The sentences end really abruptly. It interrupts the story. Instead it could be,
Suddenly that surprised the Doctor. The two ponies ran ahead as the wind blew past making them shiver. And so on.
Ehm, when is the Doctor gonna have time to go to medical school
EDIT: Lol Can't believe how stupid that sounds.
3556842 I no idea! And also I'm probably going to get someone to edit this story.
Sorry for the Grammar Nazl-ness but that should be capitalized.
Oh, and DERPY BETTER WIN OR YOU SHALL PAY!
As stated before, DERPY BETTER WIN OR YOU'LL PAY!!!!!
I haaaate CloudChaser! I wanna kill her!!!!
heheh..
Yay! I do wish that Cloudchaser had stayed to see them kiss, just because I hate her so much.
3556842 Well, there was an episode saying he'd done everything there was to be done, and experienced every feeling there is to feel.
He also has a degree in Cheese making, so it is quite likely he has gone to medical school.
tell him to make more of the clock work ones please