I'm bisexual, I love to debate. I play guitar and percussion, and I love my little pony!!!
Trixie had just left Ponyville a second time but something tells her to stay. Twilight Sparkle gives Trixie a chance when she apologizes, and Trixie slowly realizes her feelings for Twilight. When Trixie writes a letter of apology to the mayor, things go wrong! Will Trixie be able to make it up to the town? And more importantly, to Twilight Sparkle?
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i love it and when will more chapters for this story to come out
3105785
I'm so glad you like it! :D
In a couple days maybe a little less or a little more will be the next chapter. :)
3106576 yeah i do like it
and ok
Are you looking for a proofreader? I could look it over and just offer suggestions for grammar/spelling and other small improvements.
Overall, this is pretty good, but I do think it moves quickly and could use a little more detail.
I like where this is going but... Im not sure what trixie is so woried about at the end? I mean she knew she was in deep sh#t to begin with. Other then that i liked it
Well, it's a nice story - Trixie trying to gain the town's forgiveness despite what has happened - but the writing is very messy and hard to read. It's scattered and chaotic, characters pop up suddenly and vanish, Trixie teleports unexpectedly, and everything feels rushed. Also, Trixie keeps skipping between seeking forgiveness and ranting angrily so fast that she sounds like she has Tourette's. You should definitely get a proofreader, it'll help greatly. On the upside, your spelling is pretty good, with the exception of a few typos.
Also, the bit with Pinkie Pie felt tacky. If she was making a joke about the bakery having a literal bun in the oven, it did not come across. As it is, it sounded like she was happily admitting that her married boss had knocked her up. You should probably clarify.
I wouldn't mind seeing how this unfolds, but I'm hoping you can improve the writing.
3109214 The way she was flashing back and forth fdrom wanting the towns forgivness and rantign angrily was supposed to happen. thAnk you for the advice though.
by the way, i want to edit the story>>3109214 usign your suggestions?
how is it messy and chaotic? In what parts? I would like to fix that. :)
3225802
Primarily, it feels rushed. Like you're trying to speed through scenes instead of exploring them properly. As a rough draft, this works - establishing roughly what happens, and such - but you need to fill it out with more writing. Don't be afraid to set the scene fully, describe things, have more dialog.
3227191 sure. :) to tell you the truth I thought there was a little too much dialogue. Lolz Thanks.