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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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3074202 Thanks. I'm new here. I appreciate your support.
I'm crying trears of laughter.
Interesting story so far, good potential. Can't wait for more.
This is really interesting and funny. By all means, please continue.
The idea of a is quite interesting and the grammar appears to be better than most. The only issue that I have with the story is the description of the violent scenes. While your depiction of the carnage is well written, what is being described should not be as focused upon as much. The words spent describing the blood, and exploding faces could be allocated towards describing Herr Heinreich's reaction to what is occurring. By doing this, you can add a level of characterization to his person. For example, if you wanted to make him seem more callous, you could describe the cold, unwavering look in his eyes as he pulled the trigger. To make him seem more shaken, and perhaps a bit more human, you would add some sort of shocked look in his face. Have him hold his breath as he shoots the creatures. Just do something to show us someone behind all of this carnage. The descriptions of him so far, seem almost as if it were directly taken from the bottom of a application for an office job, and seem to be a separate entity on their own. The gap between action and character needs to be bridged more thoroughly. We see the carnage and understand his destructive potential, but we fail to see the person behind it, or even his reasoning. Understanding a character's thought process and personality is essential to the early stages of a story. It's what really keeps readers reading.
Just know that what I'm saying is that you're basically three chapters into the story already, and we don't even know the man behind the mask... oder getrocknetes Blut/Waffe/S.S. Armbinde.
Other than that, it's interesting, and good grammar. I'm interested to see where this story will go.
SS-Offizier in Equestria? Könnte interrestant werden.
Looks like he is making fun of you.
3075551 Thank you. I appreciate the input, and will bear your suggestions in mind.
I am going straight to hell for laughing at this.
Wow. The Germans I always envisioned going to Equestria never bought into Nazi ideals, but I guess an SS officer would. Thumbs up.
"Are you a Jew?" This will not turn out well...
he is an s.s officer and he "died" in the war how would the holocaust NOT be in this?
4027771 Durr, he is a SS officer.
Is in another world, is surrounded by weird aliens, is surrounded by cutsy things. First priority: ARE THERE ANY JEWS?! XD
You're confusing biological fitness with strength.
That being said, although the ponies may be fit, they're also certainly weak.
his combat knife.
3807023 agreed
I bet that celestia will fry him the minute she finds out what he's part of
Well he's fucked
My dark/offensive humor senses are tingling.
the joke for those who dont understandthe joke is jews liking money and his reasoning for saying it was because filthy rich's cutie mark is a bag of bits/equestrian currency (the explinaton might be offencive to some audiences)
HAHAHAHAH
LOL HELL NOT U DUMB BITCH german
And there is your problem. Celestia made a pacifist culture, most likely mothering them in being soft with the peace. They had no reason to fight since no clash of interest happened. Humans on the other hand. Interests clash- war, harsh envoirment- adapting to survive, problems- scientific solutions. That is what separates the human from the pony. Our world does not cuddle or mother, it simply is the way it is, harsh and unforgiving by itself. That is what makes the human grater than the pony, adapt or die, be the first or be the last. Interesting work by the way, currently.
Edit: Dude's been in Stalingrad? Respect.
10889887
Ya know technicly celestia is a pacifiste hitler because almost everypony accept her word as law or truth no?
Bro chill your not in Stalingrad no more
His first question! 🤣