I've spent almost twenty years of my life writing fanfiction. Something is clearly wrong with me, especially if I'm writing about pastel cartoon ponies now.
After years of plotting, Prince Blueblood has finally come up with the perfect revenge scheme against Rarity. Except Discord told him it was stupid and gave him a different one to use instead.
Unfortunately, he might never get to put that plan into motion, what with the alien invasion, that weird pony in a blue box, his hated rival Fancypants, and his idiot wife getting in the way.
Second story in the Discord's Evil League of Evil series.
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Ah, another 31.2 kilowords for me to laugh with!
Better get reading …
3068293 Yeah, I probably should have posted it in chunks, huh?
3068303
usually how it goes yes, but its fine.
3068384 I was a little overeager. Ah well.
3068389 Eh, I plan on releasing anything I write all-in-one-go me-self.
3068588 I honestly didn't expect this story to be this long. Then again, I never expect it to be as long as it is. And I'm always wrong.
3068303 Well, seeing a 31k story in the "Newest Posted" section is what brought me here. So exotic you have to check it out... later... when it's not 1:43 am.
Hmmmm.
Yes, I do think I'm going to call it precisely what you noted.
/shrug
3070385 Huh?
3071132
Basically, I agree with your author notes at the end of chapter five^^
Addendum: and I mean on all accounts; you obviously had great fun writing it, and it definitely shows. It's certainly a good piece!
3071358 Oh, thanks.
Crackles is a dude, isn't he?
3073489 I don't THINK Crackle is a guy...
... Did you just make Twilight Sparkle Dominic Deegan?
3074812 ...My god, I never made the connection until now. No, she is not Dominic Deegan. I just thought it would be cool if both of her parents were badasses. I figured both of them must be pretty high up in the social standing--seeing as Twilight got into Celestia's School, Cadance babysat for them, Shining married Cadance and nobody thought anything of it--and decided, hey, Twilight had to get her super awesome magic from somewhere so made her mom the Archmage. I almost made her Celestia's daughter, but decided against it.
As for Twilight's dad, considering Shining's uncle was in the army, I figured, why not make Night Light a soldier too? But where Shining (and his uncle) have defensive powers, Night Light was better with a sword.
In my headcanon, they used to have a slap-kiss relationship, with Celestia subtly pushing the two of them together like the chessmaster she is. Eventually, during a big conflict, their feelings culminated when they worked together to slay a mighty Dark Dragon and saved the land. Night Light proposed by offering Velvet the dragon's head. She accepted, naturally.
3074843 I'm just happy you weren't referencing Dominic Deegan. I liked that comic, but speaking honestly it was shit. You're quite a lot funnier than Mookie ever thought about being, so I'm glad you're not stealing from him.
3074891 As am I, though I don't quite understand the hatedom for it.
3074895 The hatedom largely stems from that one comic where the... one orc... forgives the... other orc... for his hideous sexual assault. Kinda like how at least 15% of Buckley's hatedom comes from the miscarriage comic.
3074904 Ah. Wasn't that assault to save her life, though?
Buckley?
3074913 Yeah. The reasoning's just kinda stupid, the scenario didn't work and Mookie isn't talented enough to handle rape responsibly, nor ballsy enough to mock it. So it kinda blew. It didn't rustle my jimmies like it did other people, but I kinda hated that storyline too.
Tim Buckley. Ctrl+Alt+Del.
3074927 I see.
Is that a comic? What's it about?
3074935 It's a "gamer comic" that got started back when Penny Arcade was starting to get big. It dropped the Penny Arcade ripoff for poor drama to go along with it's pretty weak comedy. Also his art is terrible and he's shown no signs of improving his craft in years.
3074953 Ah. So not as good as Penny Arcade.
3074961 It's not fit to wipe Krahulic and Holkins' asses, no.
Hell, it's not fit to wipe mine. I have shockingly low standards so I read the thing far longer than I should have, but eventually he pissed even me off.
3074971 Then I'm glad you stopped.
3074979 I am perhaps invested in my escapist bullshit.
3074988 I know how you feel.
*hrm* Y'know, I've seen it a couple times. It's actually Majesty, not Magisty.
So far this is entertaining and cleverly written. But...honestly Blueblood bashing fics are really getting old. I hope this has a surprise twist or something and that it's not just several chapters of laughing at the butt monkey.
Sorry. I have to give this a thumbs down. I'll grant you that it did turn out to be more than just yet another Blueblood bashing fic...but pretty much most of chapters 3 and 4 were a drag to read. The Blueblood bashing, while terribly overdone, was at least done well enough to be entertaining to read at first. The second half of this story wasn't fun to read. The extended (and I do mean extended) fight/underground scenes just went on way too long.
This story has a random tag. And that's a good description. It is random. Silliness is to be expected. That's fine in small doses, but there can be too much of it. Imagine if you were to eat nothing but chocolate for a week. Even if you like chocolate, having so much of it and nothing else would rapidly become unpleasant. Maybe you'd enjoy the first few meals. By by day two or three your body would be so desperately craving rel nutrition that the chocolate would not be fun. Most of chapters 3 and 4 feel like that.
Then, you finish the whole thing with just yet more Blueblood bashing. And not even particularly clever bashing. Chapter 1 was clever. Chapter 5....you go too far. It's excessive retribution. You have the guy beaten up, in a full body cast, and even so people are still insulting and humiliating him. It's really not funny at this point. When somebody grabs an old lady's purse then smacks into a lightpole, we can appreciate the instant karma of that. What did Blueblood do do deserve the punishment you're inflicting on him? Basically, he's full of himself and he's insensitive. That's it. The retribution being given to him is so grossly disproportionate that it's not fun. Thief grabbing the purse smacking into lightpost, ok. But imagine if the thief were then paralyzed from the neck down, mistaken for a corpse and sent to an autopsy, and then cut apart while still alive, unable to scream? That's no longer "instant karma." That's Twilight Zone creepy This fic crosses that line. He's done nothing to justify the amount of punishment you're subjecting him to. You even make it extremely clear that he is a Harmless Villain. You make a point of having him be harmless with the recurring plotline about the apple pie. That's the extend of his villainy. All Blueblood is doing is Poking the Poodle, and you're making a point of making him seem "not that bad" which pushes him into Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain territory. Which reduces your entire 5th chapter to yet more dumping on the guy we already feel like he's suffered enough and deserves a break.
I think it would have made a much better ending if instead you'd turned him into a Accidental Hero. Imagine, for example, if everyone was losing badly, and Blueblood...figuring that since everyone was about to die that this was his last chance for revenge...pulled out his pie and threw it at Rarity. But missed and hit something that caused the tides to turn and everyone to be saved. Imagine his frustration on the eve of destruction that he never got to see Rarity humiliated, only to have the Nestene Consciousness defeated because of him, and everyone genuinely grateful and impressed and thanking him, and given an award for saving the people he wanted to see destroyed in front of an audience of thousands...meaning he could no longer speak out against them without diminishing his own undeserved victory in the eyes of others.
That would have made a much better ending than beating up and humiliating a pony in a full body cast in a hospital bed and expecting us to laugh at him.
Well, I did not see that coming.
You.. wrote that entire thing just so Bluebnlood could name-drop the title, didn't you...?
(Not that it wasn't hilarious! Opal was the highlight, I think. Though I'm definately thinking Crackle may not be quite as daft as she lets on...)
3075457 Oh, I know the proper spelling. I was inspired to call her 'Magisty' partly because of Alexwarlorn's Pony POV series (which I despise) calling Princesses by their respective element. Like Luna's Her Nightjesty, Fluttershy was Her Kindnessty...so, Twilight is Her Magisty. As in, Magic.
3076197 No twist. Sorry.
3076463 I knew when I wrote this story not everyone would like it. I wrote it to have fun, and if you don't like it, that's okay.
You know, that DOES sound like a funny ending. However, I thought throwing Blueblood into the alien monster and causing it to blow up was too funny to pass up, so went with that instead.
3076587 No, Crackle is that daft...or IS she?
3076463 Additionally, if he DID save the day, even by accident, wouldn't that make him even more insufferable and full of himself?
3076926
> if he DID save the day, even by accident
> wouldn't that make him even more insufferable and full of himself?
Maybe, but why is that a problem? Wouldn't him going through all of that and nevertheless failing to learn anything from it be a lot funnier than bashing and humiliating a pony already in a body cast? This isn't a redemption fic. If he's still pompous at the end, that doesn't diminish from the story. It only justifies the existence of a sequel if you want one.
3076900 Odd.
3077040 How so?
3077013 Perhaps, but I didn't want to make him a Karma Houdini and have him basically be rewarded for setting out to do something evil. Yes, his plan was stupid. But he INTENDED to do worse if given the chance using the plan Discord gave him. Additionally, I'm not very fond of him.
However, you're right. This is not a Blueblood redemption story and I could easily have written it that way if I wanted. Certainly I sowed at least a few seeds to show he's at least partially aware nopony likes him and he's bitter about it.
And yes, I could have bashed him less. I actually wondered a couple of times if I was being too cruel, but my prereaders thought it was either just right or not cruel ENOUGH.
You make a lot of good points, and I'm grateful to you for taking the time to read this story and explain, succinctly, why you didn't like it. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I respect that. But ultimately, I wrote this story to entertain others and myself. If it's not to your liking, I'm sorry, but thanks for reading anyway. I appreciate good criticism.
Okay, now this fic could have (and has been) fairly accused as character-bashing, but I think (largely because I am a vindictive little sod at the best of times) it was both funny enough (and on a deserving enough target) that made it still funny.
(Unlike Spike in Spike's Destiny, Blueblood - or this universe's version thereof - made his own bed to lie in, and there's just enough hints that Blueblood could have been different if he could actually be bothered.)
Nicely done, look foward to the next one...
3077633 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
isn't Crackle a girl
3084767 She was eating the plastic on BLUEBLOOD'S back
So, let's review:
Fancypants and Fleur are extra-classy versions of Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers. Irrespectively.
The Doctor is the Doctor.
Derpy is an elite Pegasopolan berseker who can see through time.
Amethyst Star is what Rarity could be if she studied combat magic for about a decade.
Dinky is a level 99 Time Mage.
Rarity is generous with all things, especially whoopass.
Opalescence is a hellbeast with vorpal claws, just like in the show.
Crackle is best dragon.
You are quickly becoming one of my favorite authors on this site.
I am grateful for this story, and I look forward to more in the same continuity.
3085630 So very classy!
Doctor Who?
Pegasopolitan? Sadly, no. I considered a number of origins for Derpy, including her indeed being a soldier from the distant past, or a warrior princess from another planet, but instead decided that she's actually the daughter of Daring Do, who herself traveled with the Doctor in the past and is still around due to overexposure to tons of magical artifacts over the years. And her eyes are like that because she stared into the Time Vortex, and is clumsy because she sometimes has trouble telling the present from the other dimensions she's seeing.
Rarity WISHES she were Amethyst Star.
I love diabetes-inducing Dinky as much as the next brony, but I wanted to make my Dinky a badass. I think I succeeded.
Rarity is skilled in couch warfare.
Opalescence is a LITERAL hell beast. In my 'verse, she's the reincarnation of a legendary demon queen. Angel's her husband.
Spike is best dragon!...though I don't do a good job of showing it.
Thanks, I'm glad you like my stories. And don't worry, the next installment of the Evil League of Evil is in the works.
...
this is gonna get ugly.
3112680 That it is.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/162/6/7/mlp___ninjas_by_dfpdigital-d5343xl.jpg
ninjas it's always ninjas.
3120744 NINJAS