Life has been rough for The Great and Powerful Trixie since that whole silly misunderstanding with the Alicorn Amulet. Now on parole, she's done her best to stick to the straight and narrow, but after Twilight Sparkle up and became an Alicorn, she really didn't have any choice but to become a villain again, now did she?
Now, with the help of the Talisman of Ekafatonyllatot she will defeat Twilight Sparkle once and for all, steal her powers, and make Twilight her love slave for the rest of eternity! There is absolutely no way whatsoever she can possibly fail at all.
Also, she learns the scientific name for Titin, the biggest protein known to ponykind.
Third in the Discord's Evil League of Evil series.
Chapters (1)
Reconstruction molecule-by-molecule is always fun, eh? But no, this was a good story
3110621 So you thought it worked? Phew. I was worried nobody would like this story.
3110800 Why? I tried to be nicer to him this time. He has a statue and Twilight hugged him and everything.
3110762 I loved the story! I mean damn, I love the entire series, mate. Keep up the good work!
3110817 Foreeeeever...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj7d72BocS1qafrh6.gif
3110817 That's true. What would keep him from snapping?
3110907 Glad you liked it.
Pinkie Pie is watching you.
3111037 To be fair, Spike doesn't really love Rarity. He's deeply infatuated with her, possibly sexually obsessed with her, but doesn't really interact meaningfully enough with her to actually feel love for her. The fact that she's still up on that pedestal kinda tears that one.
Of course those feelings are actually MORE conducive to someone losing their goddamned mind. If he actually loved her, he'd care more about what she wanted than his own gratification, and if she were happy he'd deal with it. So the obsession thing is kinda worse.
The obvious solution, to me at least and keeping in mind that this is a madcap world full of silliness, is for Twilight to share. Then Spike could work it out of his system. To make it not creepy, he'd have to get over the whole "sister" thing with Twilight, though.
Judging by some of the fanfics I've read, that's not super hard ;)
I was having fun with this story... until around the 2/3rds point. And not because of the Deus Ex Machina that is Twilight Sparkle.
The overwhelming amount of exposition really bogged down the last parts of this story. I think you could stand to ax about 5,000 words from this to make it a much tighter and punchier story. Sometimes explaining everything isn't what's necessary. Leave some things out so that readers can come to their own conclusion.
So that's what I thought. The beginning was quirky and humorous while the ending was long and tedious. I don't have a problem with the change in tone and the methods involved to solve Trixie's problem, just that you should think about how pacing can affect a reader's enjoyment.
That's it from me. Keep at it!
3111249 Of course he wouldn't WANT her to be with someone else. The point is, if the person you dig digs someone else, doing anything other than buggering off and leaving them to their happiness makes you a douchebag.
You try, you fail, you move the hell on.
3111037 That does sound like a terrible story. That's not what's going to happen.
3111140 I actually support Rarispike, but it doesn't quite work for this 'verse I've set up....does it?
So you think Spike and Rarity should just do it anyway?
3111147 Hmm. Which exposition should I axe, do you think?
3111268 Share and share alike, I always say!
Of course I've been reading a lot of alternative relationship stories, not to mention smut. My viewpoint might be a bit skewed between bats and Tcherno's AJ x Twi x Dash stories (awesome) and things like Twilight's Harem (hilarious).
3111257 I don't know what to do anymore...
3111285 Whatever you find hilarious. Why are you trying to appease anyone?
If you wanna make Spike into a prat falling buttmonkey on par with Xander from Buffy I say full ahead full!
3111282 Yeah, those are all awesome stories.
All right, I'm considering it now...the problem is there's sort of a prophecy in the way, and we already know prophecies come true in Equestria. How do I work around that, other than making Spike's Destiny non-canon?
3111290 I don't want to appease everyone. But I DO feel sorry for Spike.
3111273
If it were me, I'd cut down on the explanations that Twilight gave to her friends and Discord gave to Trixie. I already had a good idea what Twilight did to "fix" Trixie so her discussion didn't add too much and her revelation at the end gave me enough information of what Discord had planned. Plus, Discord doesn't strike me as the type to stand around and give away exposition, even if he's doing all kinds of silly things in between.
Just my thoughts. Use them as you see fit!
3111294 Alrighty, let's think then.
First of all, prophesies sometimes have an "out" condition. He could find a way to balk the thing.
Secondly, he HAS been promised, by prophecy, the CMC (and it doesn't necessarily just say the CURRENT CMC). He finds that terrifying now but by damn they can't be insane forever (or maybe they can! That could be fun!). So you could go the route of "life closes one door and opens another."
I dunno, maybe something even MORE ludicrous could be put together.
3111312 That's part of why I gave him the CMC in the first place. As a sort of appeasement, I guess.
The prophecy says he and Rarity never hook up. Rather specifically. And that he's going to be Twilight's assistant forever. What's an 'out' for that?
3111300 I can't comment on the situation because I know literally nothing about it. Gut impressions tell me that not cutting this lass loose is a terrible idea though, if she's flopping (however slowly) between two guys who are ostensibly bestest friends.
I know I'd never hit on my best friend's girlfriend. Ever. Under any circumstance. But then my best friend wouldn't hook up with my ex without talking to me about it either.
3111311 Hmm. What would you recommend I do, then? Take those parts out?
3111323 Another prophecy that has an "if" situation to it that bypasses the first one?
3111340 Like a clause to his prophecy written in even TINIER print that nobody noticed?
3111357 Maybe, sure. Or maybe it's in a different book altogether.
OR, OR OR...
and this is really really stupid...
Maybe all that dragon blood Rarity's been bathing in to give herself nigh immortality has a side effect? The Prophecy specifically says he'll never hook up with the white Unicorn, right?
Maybe one of the side effects of the dragon blood makes her into something else. Dragon? Half Dragon? Some kind of freaky dragon-alicorn-werid-shit?
I dunno. I'm spitballing here.
3111367 ...OH MY GOD THAT IS BRILLIANT HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THAT BEFORE THANK YOU SO MUCH
3111371 ... You actually like that one?
You're a madman.
3111374 What was your first guess?
Now, how to go about implementing this. Perhaps add an extra chapter to Spike's Destiny?
3111432 Just added a new chapter to Spike's Destiny. Let's see if THAT improves things.
3111462 Have you read the chapter, then?
I really hate to say this, but I should note that chemical names aren't proper words ;)
Also you are a jerkface for making me scroll that much.
Okay I didn't notice until just now but why did you stop using the Elements' names? Kinda distracting to see "orange earth pony" and "yellow pegasus" over and over and over and...
Edit: Wait a goddamned second... Is this story told in First Person Perspective!? And we just can't tell because Trixie refers to herself in the third person?
3111331
I'd consider it. Perhaps reduce what Twilight says to something like, "I can't tell you everything, but I can say that I need you to keep me grounded. I need you guys to remind me that I can't let this power consume me."
As for Discord, I'd simply have him say to Trixie that her time in his club is up and she's getting kicked out with full honors. Trixie, knowing what this means, says she'll find her own way of helping those that are in danger of walking down her path. Keep it short and sweet.
3111493 It doesn't count as a word?
I did it as an overly long gag.
3111530 The first two-thirds of the story are basically told from Trixie's point of view, even if not her first person, and as commented she refused to remember the Elements' names other than Twilight, even when they were being said right in front of her.
3111537 At what point should Twilight say that?
You really think this would work better?
A story that was, by turns, amusing, disturbing, and awesome in the original sense: inspiring awe. I especially liked the final scenes. Twilight's acknowledged that for all that first half of the story was played for laughs, what she ultimately did was no joke. It was a violation of Trixie on the most fundamental level possible, even with consent. Yes, it was for the best, but as was noted, "it was for the best" is the grease on the slippery slope. As for Discord and Trixie, it's just fascinating trying to get into the head of a draconequus.
I have but two complaints. Firstly, it's spelled "Majesty." No g, no i. Secondly, you went more than a little overboard on Fluttershy's caveats. It started to get annoying after a while. We're talking such severe Flanderization that my monitor was beginning to sprout a mustache.
Aside from that, a great entry in your ongoing saga. I look forward to more!
...though I am disappointed that nopony mentioned ultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
I honestly didn't like this story at all and didn't find it funny in the least. I understand you are doing dark comedy, but universe you have built is dull and cruel. The Element Bearers are too powerful, especially Twilight and the 'villains' are pitiably creatures whom you abuse for sport using Discord.
I know that's the point of these stories. I guess it's just not to my taste.
3112329 That's fine. I'm sorry you feel that way.
3112302 I wrestled a lot with what Twilight did to Trixie. I had to make it clear that she, and everyone else, acknowledged that ultimately it might not have been the right thing to do. At least not more than once. Did I handle it well? Was it, in the end, the right choice?
Discord's head is weird.
I know how it's spelled. I call her 'Magisty' on purpose, because she's the Alicorn of Magic. Get it?
I thought I did Fluttershy right. Sorry.
What's that word mean?
3112385
It's not for us to say if it's right or wrong. That's the thing about moral quandaries; there's no right answer. Just the one you choose.
Oh. It's a pun. Sorry, on a fanfiction site, it can be hard to tell the intentional misspellings from the incidental ones.
It felt like half her dialogue was apologizing for the other half. Or apologizing for the apologies. Just tone it down in the future, is all I ask.
My long word is a respiratory disease cause by breathing extremely fine volcanic dust.
GODDAMNIT TITIN :| plz never do that again, I spent 2 minutes scrolling on my iPod.
As I always do, here are grammatical errors I spotted:
immediately asked if her five best friends, whom she had already been rather intimate with for quite some time, to form her harem. (asked if her friends, [clause], to form her harem; just remove the "if")
do to my friends for ‘stealing’ you from me (said by Twi; "you" and "me" should be reversed)
Besides the Titin part (fuck Titin), it was a good story, and I thought the ending worked out fine. Can't wait for the next League of Evil story :D
3111268
If you want to write a Sparity story, just freaking write a Sparity story. Only the most rabid of followers will begrudge you for making another AU of your already extremely AU universe. One of my favorite authors here ships both Rainbowmac, Twidash, and Pinkiemac. All you need to do is establish early on that it's not set in a shared universe with the rest of your fanfics, I forget the next step, and then you have PROFIT.
3112092
Bear in mind, this is all my opinion, and reading through the comments, others didn't have a problem with the parts that I did.
I'm not sure exactly when Twilight should say that she needs her friends to keep her moral high ground intact. I tend to leave major revelations like that towards the end of a scene so that it has the maximum impact. Granted, even that can be seen as a cheesy way to go. I'd have to really sit down and read through it again to be able to analyze it properly and who's to say my version would be any better.
3112417 What would you have done in Twilight's place?
It's Equestria. Of course it's a pun.
Isn't Fluttershy always apologizing for apologizing?
It's a long word, but it's no titin.
3112459 I will never do that again. You have no idea how long it took me to get that word in in the first place.
Thanks for the edits.
You'll have to wait a while for the next story, I need to write a new chapter for my Pokemon mega-epic.
3113528 Hmm...
Nah, I don't really feel like it. Plus, I added a new chapter to Spike's Destiny providing Spike a possible way out.
Which author is that?
3113534 Hmm...
If it's all right with you, I think I'll stick to what I have now for the time being. I put a lot of work into it. If more people feel the same way you do, or if you can propose a better alternative, I might reconsider. Thanks for your input. I appreciate the feedback.
Holy shit
a good portion of this is just Spike talking...
3113798 I know, right?