That One Pony

Twilight is practicing flying when she spotted a pony she had only heard rumors about. Once again she lets her curiosity get the better of her, what she learns about him is fascinating to say the lest.

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Comments ( 9 )

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Siaraos

Siaraos #1 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

I don't think you could have made Quest more arrogant and dislikeable if you tried, but I understand what you're trying to convey with this story. Still, for such a delicate topic, you might have rushed a bit. After all, combining the introduction of new character and their subsequent attempted suicide in a single chapter could be seen as a bit much, a bit too soon. You began with a fairly cliché introduction (mysterious OC who everypony knows, yet socially excludes themselves) and then directly brought them into contact with the Mane Six, which may turn some readers off the story altogether. Just a few points to consider, for when you move onto the following chapters.

As for the bull you're currently dealing with, you've just gotta stick up for your own side. Don't see being a fan of the show as being a weakness, or people'll tear you apart for it. Then again, don't expect people to be incredibly understanding if you wear the branded clothing or drop 'everypony' into your sentences. Best of luck getting through it, mate, and good luck with the story!

Oh, and your forenote appears at the bottom of the page.

sharkray24

sharkray24 #2 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

3051330 Firstly, thank you for the constructive criticism. The deal with Quest is I based him off of what people tell me I am like and what I think of myself. I do suffer from Dyslexia and mild Autism, and my father never physically abused me, he abandoned my mother and myself. When I give characters a physical or mental "Flaw" as some call it, I don't write about it unless I know personally what it feels like. As for the shortness of the story; When I write stories, I tend not to divide them into chapters, and when I need to make a cut, I skip a line. (I know weird right?) This writing style helps me stay focused better, but it can also make me feel rushed. I am also new to fim fiction, so I don't know what all the buttons and stuff do, which is why my foreword is at the bottom. as for him being un-likable, I wanted to see how many readers would fall into the trap that Twilight and Big Macintosh did of assuming he was all uppity, and how many readers decided to take time to look at his back-story, and his behavior, and ask "If he was so successful, why did act this way?" like Fluttershy did. I did this to show just how well people can hide depression and why we need to learn to better observe others so we can recognize these things. Before it's too late.

Siaraos

Siaraos #3 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

3051586

I wanted to see how many readers would fall into the trap that Twilight and Big Macintosh did of assuming he was all uppity, and how many readers decided to take time to look at his back-story, and his behavior, and ask "If he was so successful, why did act this way?"

Aye, I see where you're coming from. The part that probably threw me the most was when Quest specifically requested that Big Mac try to punch him, which Quest then physically responded to. This could be seen as trying to goad Big Mac into confronting him, when he already knows that Big Mac dislikes him. So yeah, I guess different members of the Mane Six would feel differently about him, depending on their experiences of him Anyway, good luck!

sharkray24

sharkray24 #4 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

3051714 one of things that people sometimes do to help with their depression (I think Fluttershy mentions it, but not sure if the line mad the final cut) is to take risks in order to get thrills from adrenaline.

Siaraos

Siaraos #5 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

3051744 Ahh, that makes more sense. And I don't remember seeing it in there, but my memory isn't too great

sharkray24

sharkray24 #6 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

3051791 Memory is wonderful, but the line ended up not making the final cut.

DrStevesMagicDrink

DrStevesMagicDrink #7 · Aug 15th, 2013 · · ·

I have to disagree with Siara about Quest being dislikeable, just a little bit jaded. I love the idea of a Brony "It Gets Better" project, I really hope that spreads. I really love this story and where it's coming from, don't let the haters get to you *brohoof*

fortheloveofchaos