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This seems like a sound translation, or at least it reads perfectly well. As a frequent pre-reader, I have nothing to report as far as grammar and formatting. As for the content of the story, I'm left uninterested. I've seen hundreds of HiE and this one's par for the course.
Unfortunately, it's not a very good course. The grass is trampled, there's used condoms in the sand traps, trash in the ponds, the water sprinklers are malfunctioning and caddies are disaffected and rude. That doesn't mean we can't have a rousing game on it, though, and it's better than sitting in the country club. Personally, I'd be more interested in tennis, but I'm not sure if I can stretch this metaphor that far. In any case, what I mean is that this is a standard HiE in many ways. You have this mysterious teleportation bit going on, and that never ends up as interesting as it would be in the real world. This does have one virtue, or at least a lack of a problem: the protagonist has flaws that support a HiE fic quite well. Unfortunately (again), "gruff soldier" is so frequently seen now that it's pretty much an archetype. Maybe I'm just grumpy because I ended up reading something from Defolace earlier, so I'm a bit weary of the "Soldjah". Certainly others won't mind it, or would find it novel if they haven't read too much HiE. Granted, this is more interesting than, a 19-year-old introverted techie in Equestria, or the more blatent brony in Equestria (biE). I found those terribly trying at worst and self-indulgent at best.
Twilight also is acting funny. I'm presuming that's Twilight, anyway. This guy is acting quite aggressive, and she would notice that. I would imagine her innocent behaviour after her revealing would also act as an adrenaline dump, giving him a chance to re-gain his wits and stop fumbling around with a gun. As it stands, it seems like he's just sort of committed himself to shooting her, even when there's no rational or emotional reason to do so. It's like when a friend accidentally startles you in the dark, and then you realize who it is, take a breath, and then precede to punch them anyway. You just wanted to punch them, and you realized you had an excuse. Of course, at the end, now he's faced with having to return to the dugout, fishing for the magazine, fumble with his gun some more --no doubt while Twilight introduces herself and offers him some strawberry juleps or something!-- shooting her, and then calmly declaring, "I was so scared." I get why it's here: it adds tension and sets the status quo, but I find it strange and off-putting.
As a nearly off-topic asside, I think that if one had never encountered a human before and only knew of them by means of HiE fics, one would have the impression that we are a self-consciously violent, conceited, and smug. Maybe that's just reflecting aspects of a lot of the authors, though.
I am still interested in seeing this translation go forward, though, because this comes from an explicitly non-US perspective.
That fic not about HiE, it's about Russian Army. About army rites and stuff. Not sure that one would be interested to non-Russian readers.
3045789 It's more about collision of army rites and stuff with Equestria.
3044112
Yeswecan.jpg
All I was concerned about! :3
Just kidding. Thank you for this review, now I realize that I should've translated at least 3 chapters before publishing. Well, I guess we'll keep working on it.
Sex!? Where did you find there sex? Emoe, but in none of the 33 chapters of the fucking is not a word!
Oh yeah I forgot ...
Work faster! And then Uncle Putin will come for you - I'm not f***ing kidding!
And issues like for example "I'll clean the fork?" are not discussed.
Бебель, в одной из глав было упомянуто, та что про "доктора", мб сочли достаточным чтобы тег воткнуть.
Дык там же нет никаких описаний! А теперь судя по тэгам получается, что это клопфик какой-то...
Да и вообще, до этого сначало добратся надо, а потом уже вписывать.
Я же на еврипони, постапокалипсис тег не впихиваю.
This sort of story has been done a fuckton of times, yours didn't really do very much to be different enough to be interesting. Well, besides the fact that yours has worse puns.
3060973
Yes.
HAHA YESH! MOAR!
БЕБЕЛЬ БЛЯТЬ ДАВАЙ РАЗДРОПЫВАЙ ФИК И ПИЛИ НОВЫЕ ГЛАВЫ, ВЫБЛЯДОК ТЫ ОФИЦЕРСКИЙ!
Urgh... Really? THAT'S your best pick from russian fanfiction!? I admit, there is not so much good stories, but... but...
Короче, нет слов, одни междометия.
This is our group's first translation project.
You lost my interest there.
🙅