Humans are Freakin' Crazy!
We're In a Cartoon?!
“Everypony! Listen to me!!! We’ve got a problem!”
Rainbow Dash burst through the library door, where the rest of the mane cast had gathered. They had just finished helping Twilight re-stock the shelves, except for Pinkie Pie, who was busy munching on a jumbo chocolate bar. If she was right, then this, in Rarity’s words, was the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.
The others just looked at her with mixed expressions of confusion, surprise, and a slight looks of amusement.
“What’s the matter Rainbow Dash?” Rarity asked, with slight worry. If Dash thought they had a problem, then it must be important.
“We....are in.... A CARTOON!! Tank told me!”
Then there was a burst of laughter from the other group. ‘They seriously don’t believe me! We’re all doomed...’
“Really Dash? A cartoon? And Ah reckon y’all c’n talk to animals now.” Applejack playfully scoffed. She walked over to Rainbow Dash and gave her dome a few knocks “The only problem Ah see is that y’all’ve gone a little bonkers.”
Pinkie looked up from her chocolate with a questioning look on her face. “Well, DUH we’re in a cartoon! Haven’t any of you noticed?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa wait....” Twilight turned around to face Pinkie. “Noticed what exactly?” she said; there was a subtle trace of accusation mixed in there somewhere.
“Well, everything! The network logo to the bottom right, the show’s rating in the top left corner,..... and them!” Pinkie Pie pointed towards a wall directly in front of them, and towards the reader. Yes you.
“Pinkie, I don’t see anything. That’s just a wall.”
“You just don’t believe ‘cause you don’t understand! There are people watching us live our lives at this very moment!”
Meanwhile Fluttershy started to get hysterical.
“Ohmygoshhumans?! What if we really are in a cartoon! I can’t handle all those people watching me every second of the day! What if they saw me yell at all those animal at the Gala? WHAT IF THEY SAW ME IN THE SHOWER?!” Fluttershy knelt down, covered her face with her hooves, and started quivering like a jellyfish.
“Calm down everypony! Let’s settle this once and for all...” Twilight levitated a laptop to a nearby desk. She hooked it up to a projector, which blew up the desktop to billboard size.
“Let me check.” After googleing things, she clicked on a link, and everyone paled. On the screen was the show’s logo, with the mane 6 waving from the sides.
“Oh Celestia....” Rarity whispered to herself. “We really are in a cartoon.”
“I TOLD YOU!!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“This isn’t good!” Fluttershy managed to stammer. “Th-this means we probably have f-fa-fanboys!”
Pinkie shrugged, and went back to attend to her oversized candy, not at all phased at what they were all seeing.
“Hey, click on that link, there.” Applejack suggested.
Twilight clicked it, and it brought up some kind of list just as a wagon pulled by a scooter rushed through the door.
“CUTIEMARK CRUSADER VANDALISTS! YAY!!!” The wagon holding the three fillies crashed in to a shelf with a loud BANG, knocking down all the books from the bottom 5th shelf down.
“Ouch.... Dumb wagon. Say Scootaloo, do you think we damaged enough property?”
“Uh... Nah! We only cracked the shelves a little.”
“Aww, shucks! Maybe we’re not meant to be vandalists.... Hey! It’s big sis! Applejack!”
The trio trotted over to the group of mares. Apple Bloom went to hug Applejack’s leg, while Sweetie Belle went to greet Rarity. Scootaloo skidded to a stop in front of Rainbow Dash.
“Hi Rainbow Dash! Whatcha guys looking at? Huh?”
“It’s a list... o’ pairings?! What tha hay?”
“A list of what now?” Pinkie suddenly asked, and her full attention now went to studying the list.
“Rarity? What’s a ‘pairing’?” Sweetie Belle inquired.
“I-I’ll tell you later.”
They all started to look through them
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“AppleDash?! What kinda crack are these people on? Ah guess the one with me an’ Soarin’ ain’t so bad.”
“Dude, I’m paired with almost everypony! ‘Sup with that? Wait... Why am I paired with anyone at all?”
“Fl-Fluttermac? Oh my....”
“Hey, PokeyPie! That sounds like a funny dessert! And I’ve never eaten RainbowPie! Oh wait....”
“Sparity? Oh my... Spike is nice and all but I don’t know if I like him that way.”
“Hey! The three of us are grouped together! ScootaBloomBelle!”
“Awesome!”
“Ah think that’s pretty cool that were all in a th-...a thre...a threesome!”
“Group hug!” Announced Sweetie Belle.
“Oh, no girls. I don’t think you understand.”, Fluttershy tried to explain.
“What’s there ta understand?” asked Scootaloo.
“Well, at least it doesn’t get any worse than this. Hold on. TWILESTIA?! But I don’t even-!” Twilight became flustered, then even more so as she read the next few lines. “And Twixie? Me and Trixie? Where the heck do people come up with this?! And who the hell is Caramel?”
“Scoot over, darling. I’m going to start streaming the show.” Rarity took over the laptop, and began showing the episodes. After finishing all episodes of the cartoon, everyone stood there, slack-jawed.
“Somepony’s been stalking us!” Scootaloo yelled.
“Hey, what’re those pictures? They’re on a site with ‘Rule 34’ in the name.” Apple Bloom suggested.
“What’s rule 34?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Ah guess we’re ‘bout ta find out!”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As soon as Rarity clicked another link, pictures of very hardcore yuri popped up, with some explicit material involving a certain rainbow-maned pegasus and a specific Wonderbolt stallion mixed in there.
“Jesus tap-dancing pony Christ! That’s disgusting!” howled Apple Bloom, shielding her eyes.
Pinkie Pie tilted her head in concentration, and quickly blocked her eyes after a realization, while Applejack made sure Apple Bloom wasn’t looking. Rarity covered Sweetie Belle’s eyes, Rainbow Dash wrote down the website, and Twilight and Fluttershy fainted. Scootaloo on the other hand was completely unprotected, and took in more than an eyeful.
“Aw! Sick!” Scoot shouted in disgust
“Click something else! Click something else!” Rarity shouted.
“Ah am! Ah am!”
Just as Applejack stumbled to click another link, by which time Twi and Fluttershy had recovered, Tons, and tons of intense yaoi started to pop up, one image at a time.
“WHAT THE-?!”, they all screamed in unison. Yes, even the fillies.
“B-Big Mac?!” AJ and Apple Bloom stuttered.
“And ….Caramel?”
“OH GOD WHY?!” Scootaloo screamed.
“Don’t look at it Sweetie Belle!!” Rarity once again attempted to block her view, but the filly dodged her gawked at the huge screen, trying to suppress the huge grin on her face.
The other four mares had silently stared at the screen with major nosebleeds, the corners of their mouths twitching upwards. Soon Rarity caught a glance of it, and joined her friends. However, her grin was much more apparent.
“Enough of this crap!” Aj re-opened Google, and clicked on a fanfiction website.
Pinkie snapped out of her daze first. “Hey! That one’s called ‘Cupcakes’! Sounds delicious.”
The pink mare hastily nudged Applejack out her spot in front of the computer, and opened up the fic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the end of the dramatic reading of the fic, everyone was crying in a heap on the ground. Pinkie and Dash were on opposite sides of the room. Rainbow Dash was curled up in a corner, chanting something like: “It’s just a fic. It’s just a fic. IT’SJUSTAFIC! OHGODWHATAREYOUPEOPLESMOKING!!!”, while Pinkie Pie was sobbing hysterically in another corner, with her poofy mane gone flat.
Once everyone had recovered, Scootaloo had managed to sneak over to the laptop, and play another dramatic reading “out of plain curiosity” she would later tell them, while the others were comforting the two.
The next lucky fic to play was “Sweet Apple Massacre”.....
Thankfully, there were a few responsible ponies there to send the fillies out when things got too icky, but even so, when the story was over there were a quite a few puddles of puke, and a certain very upset unicorn and earth pony. In fact, “upset” is a massive understatement.
After returning to the scene of the crime, the fillies were a bit more than a little confused.
“Ah’m kinda glad we didn’t get to hear it....”
“I agree.”
“Ditto.”
And so after many, many more horrid fanfictions, once again, everypony, yes everypony was going batshit insane in a big dog pile. Pinkie was the first one to come out of her hysteria, and attempted to at least bleach thier brains of the unsavory images by googling more stuff.“Oh frosting....*sniffle*... let me try to cheer everypony up.” With that, Pinkie typed more stuff on the computer, and an entire page of cosplayers popped up.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash, is that a human male pretending to be you?”, Fluttershy said giggling, wiping away her tears.
“But... he’s totally fat...” Twilight said, laughing.
“Aw HELL NAW!” cried Dash, rushing over to the laptop screen.
“And kinda hairy.” Added Pinkie.
“Yeah, well-! So is that Rarity-costume-guy!”, retorted Dash.
“Please just kill me now...”, Rarity muttered under her breath. The crusaders were having just totally having a field day with these pictures, laughing their little flanks off at this.
“You know what?!” Applejack yelled. “FORGET THIS FANDOM AND ALL ITS CRACKHEAD FOLLOWERS!”
At last, she flipped the desk that the laptop was resting on. So what's the moral of the story? None. There is none. Good day Sir/Ma'am
FIN
I'm so sorry. I just had to do this.
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Well.... this made me depressed about the whole situation.
I can't stop Laughing.
What.
I usually have accurate critiques to write... but... what.
I laughed my ass off, then I realized that they hate us now
And just like Murphy's Law, they had to pick the absolute worst MLP content on the net...
Although I thoroughly enjoyed the concept. Too bad they didn't get to the music.
My reaction in nine letters
OMG, WTF? LOL!
I think I just woke up my entire house with my laughing. I REGRET NOTHING!
This is a good idea, but I wish it had been executed better. The plot didn't seem very well structured and, along with a major glaring plot hole, this fic had issues. It did, however, make me laugh a few times, notably when Dash wrote down the website when everyone else was cringing.
I kind of liked it a little.
However, I REALLY object to the ponies swearing like that. It's just so out of character.
I also wish a more neutral voice could be added or something. I mean, yeah, there is some really, really disturbing and horrible things about MLP (and a good amount of it done my people who do it for the "lolz"). But not all of it. How come the ponies all went straight for the most horrible stuff? Why they didn't go to a more obvious site, like Equastria Daily?
The entire fourth wall.
It just...vanished...
Ye gods...
They hate us now...
"Not all of us are bad people! Where are you going!?"
246188
Thanks for the feedback! I might revise it later to include some of that noy-so bad-stuff. And maybe less swearing.
Feedback?! EEeeep.
That wasn't a full, proper critique. That would take time.
However, if I can ask one thing: what prevents the ponies from just stopping whatever recording they are playing? I mean, a few glances at rule 42 would be enough, there is no reason for them to go trough the entire archive and stuff.
Aarrggg, my sides are hurting from laughing so hard.
finally someone writes this
>my favorite parts were probably
1. Pinkie Pie knew they were in a television show the whole time
2. they read Cupcakes
3. the cosplay
but what if it all ended on good terms. like all the ponies are sitting there in silence. but all of a sudden Pinkie Pie starts laughing. and since laughing is infectious everypony in the room starts to laugh with her. and they all begin to appreciate the absurdity of the entire dillema. that this whole time every adventure of theirs was captured and preserved so that some strange creatures on the other side of a television could enjoy them. Pinkie Pie knows that in reality she would never do the horrible things that happen in Cupcakes, so she is able to look at it with all of her friends and laugh at the insanity of it all.
And then when they return for a second trip into the fandom they find all of the silver linings. the ponies see that friends of theirs like Derpy Hooves, DJ P0N-3, and Doctor Whooves would have never existed without these fans. They discover all of the good fan fictions that exist behind the big wall of crap and clop that usually clutters others original thoughts about the mistaken art form (no diss to those who write clop fics). And soon the ponies find that devotion and care are behind all of the strange behaviors exhibited by the fans.
and then they still reject it and shun it
248940
Not a bad idea!
Just before they clicked on the rule 34 thing i was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
get the hook!
>mfw Rainbow Dash wrote down the R34 link
goput.it/oha.jpg
Oh man, this is one of the funniest things I've read. Moar.
Rule 34...
246188 They went to those first because of Rule of Funny. Also, many of this fics are in fact on Equestria Daily. I doubt that the ponies would know what Grimdark would mean, even if they did see it. I never knew what it meant until I started reading fanfics. Of course I have ample supplies of brain bleach so I can read most grimdark things without a.... long lasting, effect. There was only ever one that stuck with me... Agony in Pink....... eeeerrruuuggghhh.
that was the funneist thing i ever read i loved it
Hehe pretty good
So what's the moral of the story? None. There is none
(Laughs)
Love it, nothing entertains me more than biting self-satire
"You are not truely civilised until you learn to laugh at the faults of your own culture" -
poor sods.
You don't want to explore the dark side of the internet like that, without some knolwedge of what's out there first.
My laughter won't stop. It cannot be contained.
there are nothing wrong with us....i think?
Oh my god! This is...
THE MOST HARILARIOUS FIC OF MY WHOLE LIFE!
You Sir/Madam are a awesome writer!
I couldn't stop luaghing at the shippings, and the Caramac thing! That killed me of laughter! I was laughing so hard I passed out, and the neighbors heard my laughing! Best fic ever!
Gets:
of 6!
Nice Job!
~Princess Starshine out!
Peace
Pffft BWAHAHAHA
Jesus tap-dancing pony Christ! That’s disgusting!
That was my favorite line out of this whole thing.
Perfect.
We are crazy indeed
Wow
Do you mind If I translate it to spanish?
Sweet Celestia! My tummy hurts from all of the laughing...
They REALLY must hate us all now... 
Of course Dash wouldn't mind hooking up with Soarin.
I have an idea for something akin to a sequel/AU, is it okay with you if I try my hand at it?
Awwwww.....they didn't get to my favorite part.
The Selfcest R34.
Phooey.
What the hay did I even witness it broke the 4th wall like twice in one go XD
well then
Luckilly Friendship is tragic the audio drama was not a thing when this fic was written, Oh the PSD whey would've had.
Me as a 33 year male get the chills when thinking of that name.