A bit of a cluster f*** at first.... try and smooth out the next chapters a bit. Pacing is your friend.

>>419315419315 Thanks. I had a lot of backstory to cover, so I had to go kind of fast.

>>419326419326 Ok. its not gonna be like that the whole time is it?

Oh btw, random question, why is the banner on fire? You know, the site logo part. Next to the top 5 stories. Anyone else see the fire?

>>419356419356 that IS weird

I wouldn't have noticed it if you didn't bring it up.

the story was great but one thing: You ave to space out the paragrphs please!

moar?

Good, but agreeing with other criticisms.

Oh, and before I forget:

HELLO FELLOW DIMENSIONAL TRAVELER!

>>419356419356>>419383419383

Click on the fire. It's some random thing called "rectangle pony." I think it's supposed to be a spoof of... MLP: FiM? I dunno.

MOAR, good stuff

>>419356419356 If you click on the green thing in the middle of the fire, it will take you to a tumblr blog that explains what's going on.

>>419329419329>>419423419423>>419448419448 Don't worry, the format will not be like this in the following chapters. First thing: a lot more dialogue. That helps to space things out more. Second: No more backstory. Just about everything referenced beyond this chapter will be episodes in continuity, so I won't have to explain as much. Jack West is a completely original character, so I had to do a lot for his backstory. Third: To be honest, I wrote this as a Word doc. during a long car trip. How that affected formatting, I'm not sure. But this is the first time I've had this issue raised, so I probably won't be copy-pasting anymore.

>>419697419697 Alrighty then. NOW GET TO WORK SLAVE!

FYI: This is going to be an ongoing series of mini-stories about Jack West and his adventures in Equestria, written in parts. All parts of one ministory will have the same title, followed by the part number. Story 1 is "I Like My Mares Well-Done", and you can imagine where it is going.

>>434243434243 you stole the first place spot.....darn

mmmm I......Like it but not like it at the same time mmmmmmm Put in a fluttershy story then ill like it

meh.. i dunno, ponies arent exactly the kind too trust a species they never saw before... Zecora!*cough cough*

>>435516435516 Keep in mind that Rainbow Dash, at this point in time, is completely isolated, desperate, and mentally broken. She has been seemingly abandoned by her closest friends, and has no one in Equestria to turn to. I'd say she wouldn't be in the clique-ish, gossipy mode we saw everypony in in "Bridle Gossip". She'd be happy to have a friend of any kind. And besides, the story would've gotten really slow if I had spent a lot of time developing their trust.

For those of you confused about Jack's armament in this chapter, here's a quick guide:

Razor discs: like the Batarangs from Batman Beyond. Essentially shruiken.

Grapnel gun: from Arkham City.

Cape: like the one in The Dark Knight. Hangs like cloth, but can tense up if energized.

Basically, Jack's game is to steal and improve on gadgets he finds in alternate dimensions. See the Prologue for why he has this gear.

dude its good but i dont think it will last, sorry man but its true my opionion? make a new one or improve this one. Make it more like that part that makes it interesting. but thats only my opionion

>>473133473133 Well, you're the only one to comment on the chapter, so I'll take what I get. But I only plan on ending this set of stories when I get bored with it.

i love it i wanna read more

I love this kind of fanfic. Mainly 'cause it's so... satisfying to see the others chewed out for a poorly thought out plan that they could've just talked to Dashie about in the first place. And 'cause it rips the sorry excuse apart. ... And because Dashie's my favourite character but I'm rambling now.

This as a magnificent work thus far mate, so thumbs up and faved. Here's hoping to see more of it and if the other five can somehow salvage their friendship.

>>549296549296 If this is your favorite part, check out my other story, Dashed Trust. It deals entirely with that episode, no OCs or HiE to complicate things. It's my first work, so you may or may not prefer it to this one.

nice can't wait to see where this is going

very nice cant wait for more

Might I ask when the next chapter will be out? Until than you get five out of five mustaches

>>617424617424 Sorry, I'm balancing this story with Deadliest Pony, so until I get the next chapter of it out, I'm not going to be working on this. Don't worry, though, I'm almost done with the chapter, and already have ideas about how to wrap this arc up.

i think rainbow is gonna get hassled by the others while hes gone. nice chapter

>>670368670368 Thanks. If the Mare-Do-Well plot interests you, check out Dashed Trust. It's entirely about that, no HiE or OCs to muddle things up. I think this is the end of the ministory, so I'll start working on the next one.

DISCORD!!!

Image: http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRBndbFWYtBwJmk0jaJPdbwZc4G1O6yOnaOdJZxM37utlyz1QQ

"Aww, a good murderous riot breeds so much chaos! Why do you all have to go and ruin my fun?"

Image: https://dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/1329577946265.jpg

lol discord

Hahaha! I actually enjoyed the opening very much. I suppose im one of those people who appreciates an info dump now and then though. I enjoy more, however, excellent wrighting. You sir, have that. Very nice work indeed!

~With regards, the Current Student of the Second True Magic.

Smoke escape pellets! Never leave home without at least twenty five or so.

Why not. Tracked, and stuff like that.

Still don't know why I'm writing 'ere, but... Come drink with me!

8th beer, but still going

People laughing coz I read pony related fan fiction

I have a knife

I hold the knife

Not sure where to stab my friend...

.

Also good story!

.

Please don't take this comment seriously... The user is completely wasted...

>>10870791087079 Hey, I appreciate a good drunk comment now and then.

I was reading the description on this guy, and I immediately thought "He's like an evil Batman." Very next sentence: "One might compare him to Batman, but on the other end of the ethics spectrum."

Image: http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/misc-are-you-fucking-kidding-me-clean-l.png

I love it. A protagonist that actually calls people [ponies] out on their bullshit? Sign me up!

Woohoo it's back

Hah D just got pwned in rap.

Classic.

So much Princess Bride. . .

You know for an interdimensional jumper he doesn't bring enough weapons let alone an armor -___-

>>25507552550755 Give it some time. I'm planning to open up the armory and let some of the best stuff out for this next story.