I am a gifted author who's one of the biggest Discord fans in the U.S.
This story is a sequel to Equestria vs Discord
This story takes place after Book 4: Balance.
Discord has been kidnapped. The Red Lotus is rising. Now, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends must team up with Avatar Korra and her friends in search for their lost friend. After they save him, they still need to find a way home and make sure the Red Lotus don't bother them again. Who is the Red Eye? Who is his master? And what's the Doctor's end in all this?
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As a LOK fan, this fic got my attention. However, just a quick look over makes me not want to read it. First and foremost, why is this the fourth in a series of fics? Just looking at the ones prior to this, I have no clue how this is in any way a continuation of them. The first two are Power Ponies adventure fics, the third is a slice of life fic that follows Discord's reformation after the events of Twilight's Kingdom, and this one is a crossover with Legend of Korra? As a reader, I am confused. Maybe it's just because I haven't read the first three, but I really fail to see how any of those tie together (though I might read the first one at some later date just out of curiosity).
Next, you also mention the Doctor in the summary. Are you throwing Doctor Who into this as well? Either this series of yours is a total clusterfuck, or it's the most epic thing of all time. I just... I don't know. I'll take a look at the prologue.
All right, I finished reading it. A lot of stuff doesn't make sense, but, then again I am reading the fourth book in this series, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for most of it. Even so, I'm leaning towards clusterfuck at the moment. I mean, the exposition wasn't handled very well, among other things. And there were several points of the story that bug me.
Dash is the first one to bring up the question of what an Avatar is, yet immediately accuses Korra of not giving a straight answer.
Though comics have never been canonized in LOK, that doesn't mean they don't exist. I mean, they have cars, radios, and phonographs. I think they would at least have comics, even if they're just little comic strips in a local newspaper. Also, Spikes definition for a comic isn't correct. He gives the definition of a graphic novel, which Power Ponies debatably isn't.
Yeah, pretty damn lucky. It also makes no sense. What, does Luna's dream walking powers allow her to traverse alternate dimensions now? And Raava dreams apparently? Neither is impossible, but they don't seem likely either.
Korra spent two and a half years in a wheelchair. Not to mention Zaheer did a whole lot fucking more than take away her ability to walk. Her confidence was shattered, she had panic attacks, and her connection to the Avatar State (as well as Raava) was severed. I would give you a pass on all but that last one, seeing as how Zaheer is the reason Korra was able to reconnect with Raava.
Yeah, Korra doesn't talk like that. In fact, I'd say most character's dialogue wasn't well done. On the LOK side of things at least. The MLP side... eh, Discord wasn't the best, but not the worst. The rest it is hard to tell. You have fifteen characters in the prologue alone, and most weren't given enough speaking time for me to determine how in character they were.
Okay, completely different circumstances this time around. Why even include this line? Korra was captured by Zaheer and his team after he held the Air Nation hostage, was knocked out, tied via platinum chains in a chasm, and then poisoned. Is she worried that exact same thing will happen again? She's ten times the Avatar she was when she first fought them.
And finally, my favorite WTF moment of this story:
This may just be because I haven't read books 1-3, but what the fuck? Where did Derpy come from? What is her motivation for following them? Because she has a crush on the Doctor? Really? Besides being overdone, this comes from out of left field. On the subject of presences not explained, the Doctor is kinda random. I mean, again, 3 fics that I haven read, so it might be explained there, but still.
As a final note before we move onto the conclusion, why call this LOK Book Five? For one, it's not a continuation of the Korra story, it is a continuation of your series. And the fourth one in said series for that matter. And as far as I can tell, this is the only fic in that series to have LOK elements in it. So I'm guessing the title is for click-bait and nothing more.
Look, I'm probably being too hard on this, and I don't want you taking what I have to say too seriously. After all, at least half of those gripes above were nitpicks, and this from the point of view of someone who is hopping into this series at the last minute. Still, you're combining Legend of Korra, MLP, and Doctor Who into one thing, but you didn't seem to think it through. Most of it seems haphazard so far, and that can come off as lazy to most people. I recommend reworking what you have so far and being very careful with how you proceed. As for the story, I won't upvote or downvote it. I'm just going to leave it alone. Good luck.
5650764
Yeah, you're definately a little hard on this story. I'm trying to work very hard on the plot of this story. True, my description techniques need some work, but I do my best. Also, the Doctor appeared not just here, but also Power Ponies 2 and Equestria vs Discord.
As for how it's a sequel, I'll give you the 411...
-In the Power Ponies stories, 3 enemies of the Power Ponies released Anar D, Discord's Power Pony Universe counterpart. After a month of watching the Power Ponies' bond grow strong, he eventually turns good and tries to help out in the Power Ponies sequel. Unfortunately, the only method of controlling him, Pandora's Box, got in the way. When it was over, Anar D sent the box to a random alternate dimension that, by great chance, turned out to be the original FiM world and it would be found by Discord, who would be the Box's new host. Later on, a mysterious pony tries to convict Discord of his past deeds but failed. She eventually finds out about the box and uses it to control Discord to send her, Tirek, and himself to the Avatar world. The pony then turns out to be Iris, an agent of the Red Lotus. The Doctor shows up and reveals where Discord was and that Korra and Asami would enter the Spirit Portal at the end of Book 4. The alicorns used their magic to bring them to Equestria and the rest is history.
She didn't ask Korra; she asked the Doctor.
Yeah, there was a chance for comic books for comic books to be invented, but there wasn't any evidence that they were in the show.
Just say it isn't impossible and leave it at that, please.
I don't see how it's a part you don't like.
The dialogue will get better in the story. Besides, how would you think Korra would explain the Red Lotus? If it's better than what I've got, I'll put it in.
That's when she fought one agent of the Red Lotus. Now, she has to fight a whole army.
Derpy was in Equestria vs Discord as a member of the jury. She was foreshadowed to appear here near the end and I promised her a bigger role in this story than she did before.
I'm calling it this because it's my own sequel to the LoK series. The other stories are meant as ties that would lead to a sequel to both my other 3 stories and the Legend of Korra.
Besides, I'm not making this a crossover with Dr. Who; just MLP and LoK. The Doctor is someone who is similar to Dr. Who, but is more celestial and all-knowing. More will feature for him later. So please, don't try to criticize my work until the story's over.
5650996 Thanks for taking the time to explain some of the earlier stuff for me. I still have a few gripes, however.
Okay, I was confused because of some wording. You see:
For one, Korra was the last person to speak, therefore I assume when Dash says "you" she is talking to Korra. If the story said she turned to the Doctor, or looked at him, that would let readers know who specifically she was referring to.
It was just me nitpicking an incongruity.
It is ultimately your call to make, but still I believe comics would exist in some form in the LOK world. The 1920s (which is the time period Republic City was modeled after) saw the inception of comics, so I'd say they're very likely to exist. Besides, there's a certain amount of assumption you can make when writing fanfics. After all, even with four seasons of LOK, I've never seen toilet paper, or heard a character mention toilet paper. I doubt it wouldn't exist though. Then again, the whole gripe with the comic is another nitpick.
Technically she fought against Ghazan and Ming-Hua (though temporarily) too. Not to mention she has the power of Raava backing her up (likely without poison in her veins this time) and Asami, and the ponies, and the Doctor. She's had worse odds you know.
Okay, it's impossible.
Okay, so she was foreshadowed to appear in this fic. Still, in the prologue she isn't given any build up at all prior to her sudden and spasmodic appearance. I mean, if she'd been walking down a nearby hallway, heard the Doctor’s voice and decided to listen in on their conversation that would make more sense, but right now it feels like you put her here just because.
Honestly, knocking you for dialogue this earlier in the story was a little unprompted. After all, the characters of Korra are so well defined and dynamic that it's hard to nail down how they would specifically say or react to situations presented outside the show. The reason I chose that particular line, however, was because Korra felt like she was a news anchor reading off of a teleprompter. It was too formal, and not enough of the rambunctious go getter who has felt both tragedy and compassion. Honestly, I would tell you of some other way to say it, but I probably can't nail down exactly how Korra would describe an organization from her world to a group of ponies after she just woke up from a three day coma.
Plenty of people write how they want LOK to end without using Book Five in the title. For one, it feels like a lazy titling so you don't have to bother with a real title, and two, it's kind of hard for this to be a sequel to the LOK series. I'm not saying it's impossible, but by saying this is Book Five you're making an unspoken promise to keep this as true to the canon as possible. Essentially continuing the Legend of Korra story the way the original writers would have. A crossover with MLP doesn't seem like it would ever happen in a hypothetical Book Five. Ever.
Again, your story, so you get the final call. I'm just tossing in my two cents.
So... he's the Doctor... but better...
All right, look. I am being hard on this story. Harder than I am for most fics. Why? I fear you may be biting off more than you can chew. It's difficult enough to write a full out adventure novel for MLP while keeping all the main characters in character and taking logical, well thought out turns with your plots. Writing crossovers are doubly hard seeing as how you need to keep the characters from two different shows in character, write how they even meet with as much logic (or lampshading) as possible, figure out the best interactions for them throughout the story, and write how these two vastly different worlds will mesh. I was even more concerned about this when I thought that this was a three-way crossover. Finally, using LOK is going to be immensely difficult as far as characters go. And besides, how many people do you think have written how they want Book Five to go? A lot. How many will do it in the future? A lot. But making Book Five, a crossover with MLP just screams disaster for me. Maybe you'll make it work, maybe you won't.
Also:
I really don't know how the sequel to three MLP fanfictions is also going to be the sequel to Legend of Korra. I'm sure you have an idea, but this premise... I don't buy it.
Look, I love both LOK and MLP, and anyone who can combine them successfully would have my admiration. But I don't dole out admiration easily. I'm harping on so many small things besides just the big things because I'm a no good perfectionist. At the end of the day this is your story. Write it the way you want, but don’t make it nonsense. That’s all I ask.
Great story!
Masqe. Just as funny as i remember him. Also i hope Devastator gets a chance to help explain things.
Nice Chowder reference.
"And how precisely are you going to do that, little pony?" The Red Eye
asked.
"There's an app for that!" Pinkie replied.
My vision.
Oh Crap baskets.
You took away their Wirewolfality. Well than...
5815860
Were you saying that to me or the Red Eye?
5815886 kind of both but mainly Red Eye. I was hoping for some Saddled action if you know what i mean.
5815903
You do know that the ponies here are only half the size of any human, right? If they were ridden, they'd be crushed.
5815906 i mean Saddle Rager. You didn't see how i italicized Saddle?
5815907
Ooooooh. That's what you meant.
Actually Joe was Masqe and Marty was Rodan
5849310
I'll fix that.
5849332 ok. Based on the episode is the possibility of Starlight Glimmer appearing in the sequel possible? Just asking.
5849334
No. I'm not making a sequel after this. But I will include her in the next story I'm writing after I'm finished.
5849342 ok
By thw way will we get a few more hints at Shadow BlotxCelestia in future chapters?
5868387
Maybe. Maybe not. I'm already struggling with fitting a lot of details in this story right now.
5868559 ok. just asking
Uh oh spaghettio's.
Wow. Grogar's a bigger prick than Cooler and Babidi. Getting tossed into the sun or his lackey punchong his head off is too good for him. Maybe Dying Cell style or Freeza (I.e chapped to pieces than the pieces are incinerated.) Still good chapter though
5891423
Those are Dragon Ball villains, right?
5893489 yep and Grogar is proving to be a bigger prick than all of them.
5893554
I'm going to take that as a compliment because that's my design to make Grogar one of those villains who you just wait for them to be defeated. Anyway, speaking of Dragon Ball, I have a question for you. My brother and I are trying to get into the Dragon Ball series, but when we watched the first few episodes of the original series instead of Z, there was some stuff that weren't appropriate to our family. I'm asking you this: is it better to watch the original Dragon Ball series first or watch Dragon Ball Z first?
5894446 didn't watch it either. If ya don't like filler, i would recommend Dragon Ball Z Kai as it sticks closer to the manga. Pkus there isn't that much inappropriate stuff if you don't count all the guys dying. But then again with the dragon balls that really doesn't matter
5894470
First of all, what's filler? Secondly, if you haven't seen the series, how are you such an expert?
5894635 filler is unimportant stuff added there just for gag or to explain something. Watched z as a kid and i watch Kai and read some stuff on the Dragon Ball wiki.
What a twist
5898399
Thank you. It wasn't easy.
Wait a minute!
*Makes popcorn*
Dis goin tu b gud
So you kind of used the end of Ben 10 Omniverse for this. Interesting. Good ending though.
perfect ending to it all. I'll try and do the part with this universe as soon as possible
Substories?
Like the CMC meeting the C.R.U.S.A.D.E.?
Or the Mane 6 helping the Power Ponies to defeat a villain?
Ok, go on...
5903442
Thanks. That means a lot. Tell me, do you think I should do a sub-series. I was thinking a Power Ponies prequel, a Mighty Machines prequel, and a Power Ponies sequel as a start.
Yeah! I would love to see The Mighty Machines on their own in action. And maybe a one shot story featuring Ricky and Celestia getting their feelings out.
5894446 I watched the show time ago, if both of you are interesed, the show don't have a bad story, but sometimes it become mainly 80% fight, 20% story.
I'm sorry I haven't commented recently but, I just finished reading the whole thing and, I loved it! I truly enjoyed the references, especially Varrick quoting Mr. Mosby, I laughed so hard! I enjoyed the comedy, adventure and twists, however, my only downside is that I hardly recognized various characters and the cast was a tad much, it's twice as large as my cast! Dang!
I squeeled when they all turned into the Bird of Paradise and I enjoyed the interactions, also, thank you for having Twilight and Korra become friends in this one too! I love that dynamic duo! And the makorra, I ate it up! No surprise, and I'm also happy it didn't take over too much of the plot. Asmi becoming possessed by that evil king, I did not see that coming. Then again, I didn't see a lot of stuff coming. Too many to count.
Overall, while I was a bit overwhelmed by so many things, I did enjoy the comedy and interactions. Good story, too large of a cast, but still pretty good.
A really fun ride!
6055435
Thanks for the love. I love your stories as well. I am thinking of a follow-up story after this with a few prequels to better understand what's going on, but I'm thinking about how my viewers can be. I may also use some of the LoK characters and/or OCs in this story.
I know I included so many characters, but I couldn't help it. It's hard to fit certain details and people giving explanations in a story as big as this.
When did Varrick quote Mr. Moseby? It's been a while since I've seen Suite Life. Please explain.
One more thing. Your stories are inspiring me to create my own version of the LoK series. Instead of the Mane 6, Korra would team up with Discord. I always wondered how Discord would fare around the villains who seem to be his natural enemies. Amon takes drastic measures for equality, Unalaq can control spirits (of which Discord technically is), Zaheer takes chaos to an extreme level, and Kuvira wants total control and dictatorship. Also, this team-up can be a symbol that even though order and chaos are natural enemies, they can work together like Yin and Yang. What do you think?
is korrasami cannon i want to know you said friend that kind of scares me man my ship ...... my ship
*stares into the lunar republic flag and cries about her ship until she dies of dehydration*
MY SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!
6755422 Look, I don't have anything against the Korrasami shipping. I think it's interesting how Nickelodeon is making a change. But the thing is, I'm more of a fan of Makorra. It says so in the footnote of a later chapter.
sorry me stupid just started reading the first chapter and i have limited time