I write about horses and other creatures kissing. The gayest of kissing
Sometimes when you're in a tough spot you'll have to build up walls to hold your problems, just so your friends won't worry about you.
Sometimes all it takes is a minor thing for those walls to come tumbling down and for all those emotions you've held on to for so long to pour out onto the friends you were trying to protect.
Page generated in 0.079 seconds
Total duration
599 users online
990,646 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Okay , i didn't even start reading the first line and here are my thoughts :
please........
add
some
spaces , between each paragraphs to make the chapter more enjoyable to read
5277976
I'll get right on that.
Now, should they be as obnoxious as what you have, or is one just enough?
5277986 do as you wish , as long as we don't get a big wall of words to read
you could get some dislikes just because of this , and that would be stupid because the story seems interesting
5277994
It is done. Thank you for your input.
5277999 you're welcome and thanks
Before I get into it, I think it's important to mention I did not thumb this story because I neither liked nor disliked it personally, and there are a lot of ways in which it could improve that may earn a like, but it is not so bad as to dislike it. If this comment isn't deleted by the author, do remember the story is subject to change at any point after I post it.
This story was recommended to me by FiMFiction due to its use of a "mute" main character (due to having written one of my own), and in that regard it falls totally flat. There is no distinction between the character's muteness and speaking normally. Well, that's not entirely true. The character is actually worse for being mute. I don't say this to be mean. I say this to indicate the source of the problem.
When we think, speak, and enact dialogue we do so with emotive indicators that were completely stripped from the written dialogue of this story. Our tone of voice, the body language, and other indicators of a pony's character. Indicators that were all replaced by the constant act of writing. A character whom is mute, or otherwise can't express themselves normally, must find alternative avenues for expression, and emotification that (at the time of this comment) are not even attempted to be explored here.
In this regard I typically point to canon Fluttershy as an example (even though she isn't mute) for her overt body language, visible demeanor shifts, and the presence she takes on screen. I do this because all of these things accentuate what she is, and isn't, saying. All of these things can be captured in words for a reader, and I typically invite anyone struggling with 'Show Don't Tell' to a writing exercise involving the episode "Putting Your Hoof Down."
Yes, there are also many technical writing errors that probably earned the story's one thumb down. But, any editor could catch and fix them easily, so they don't need to be further addressed directly. It is however, the expectation that is set by the story's synopsis/description but not delivered upon, that I feel needs the most attention from the author at this point.
This hit me in the heart...i wish there were more to this. I remember a lot from my life and the pissed off friend is one of the most painful memories...God...
Meteor...i love this story but...I'm very sad now. This escalated so quickly. Anyone that angry would snap like that.
Quite a tear jerker...please write more...
