Sides of the Same Coin

by Ventan

...then there's school..

If Max can say one thing: It's that he regrets letting Xam out for the second time. Who knew he would cause more trouble as already is. Granted, she deserve it for what she said to Scootaloo, maybe less. But still! If only he didn't agree with Xam, would things be different? Or would things be the same? He even scared Scootaloo! Letting Xam out was the WORST idea he had ever done. Now, because of him, Max has two possible new enemies in Ponyvile. Max shook his head trying to forget what had happened. He curled himself in the bush and continued to attempt to forget what had ever happened.

Ten Minuets Ago......

Max and Scootaloo were walking to school. The day was clear, the air was cool, and the scenery was joyous. Nothing could ruin the day if it tried. Scootaloo was telling him about Sweetie Bell and Applebloom, how they met, how they made the CMC club, and the adventures they did.

"Wow, that sounds... dangerous." Max examined as she finishes her stories.

"But how else are we gonna find our cutie mark," Scootaloo asked, " I mean, that's why we have The Cutie Mark Crusaders, to find our cutie marks. Hey, why don't you tell me how to get a cutie mark. You know, since you have one and all."

"Well, to get your cutie mark you-"

---

"No, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Max. No. I'm going to stop you right there and make sure you don't tell her."

"What? Why not! They're hurting themselves if I don't tell them. Didn't you hear? What ever they do, they often end up in tree sap! And THORNS!"

"And, all the more reason why I'm going to stop you so they can continue to find what their cutie marks are. I won't have my comedy!"

"Your's; not mine."

"And your point is?"

"... How is it that I can deal with you?"

"Because you have to deal with me for the rest of your life and the fact that you give up so easily. Also, because you love me."

"Disregarding that last part."

"Eh, you have no obligation to object."

*a quick pause* "Touché, Xam, touché."

---

"Max," Scootaloo said as she waved her hoof in front of Max as he stared into space while having a conversation with Xam.

"Ma~x, you there?"

Max shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Sorry, what was I doing?"

Scootaloo gave him a puzzling look. "You were going to tell me how to get a cutie mark."

Right, Max thought. How is he going to get himself out of this? Should he lie? But if he tells the truth, Xam would take over. And the idea still scares him.

"Well, you see Scootaloo," he swallowed, " to get a cutie mark-"

"Means that you are worth something," a voice finished.

Max turned to find two earth ponies, one pink and one gray. The pink one wore a diamond tiara and looks like a princess or something(minus the wings and horn). The gray one wore huge glasses and... was it Max's imagination, or did she... frown for a second. Max brushed off the idea.

"Can I help you...?" Max began.

"Oh, for give me. I'm Diamond Tiara, daughter of Filthy Rich: The richest pony in Equestria," the pink one explained.

"And I'm-" the gray one began.

"This, here, is Silver Spoon," she said bluntly, cutting of Silver Spoon.

Ouch, Max thought. He looked at Silver Spoon again, and this time he knows he didn't imagine it. Silver Spoon frowned for a second, then her mood was up and posturing. "Something's wrong here," Max thought.

"What do you two want?" asked Scootaloo. Max noticed the air around him seems... tense.

"I'm guessing you two, umm, hate each other?" he guessed.

"Oh no," Diamond Tiara started, sarcastically, "hate is such a strong word for this blank flank."

"Oh yea? What wrong with being a blank flank!?" Scootaloo shouted angrily.

"Oh nothing, blank flank. It's just that you don't have anyone to take care of you. I mean, you don't even have a mom or dad," Diamond chuckled.

The words took Scootaloo back a little. But she kept her defense. "I'm being taken care of by Rainbow Dash! At least she's better than your mom and dad!"

"Ha! At least I have one. Besides, your being taken cared of by the Element of Loyalty. If she wasn't loyal, she'd drop you like stone; as a blank flank you are. heck,you two aren't related by blood. That's what you are: abandoned, worthless, blank flank!"

"I... well, I..." Scootaloo began, when tears starts to well up. "It's... It's true," she thought, "I'm...I'm..."
Her train of thought was stopped by Max, placing his black hoof in front of her. Wait, black? She looked up to see that...other Max again.

"Don't cry," he said. His voice was still scathing, but there's something different about it. Something... reassuring. "This's going to be over real quick."

Max/Xam's POV

"Oh no," Diamond Tiara started, sarcastically, "hate is such a strong word for this blank flank."

"Oh no she did not just, "Max thought.

---

"That's strike one."

"Xam?"

"I'll give her two more. If she crosses the line, don't you bucking dare hold me back."

"No! I'm not letting you take over again!"

"Try me, you dipshit."

---

"Oh nothing, blank flank. It's just that you don't have anyone to take care of you. I mean, you don't even have a mom or dad," Diamond chuckled.

---

"That's strike two."

"Ok, I'll admit; that was uncalled for. But still, I'm still not letting you take over."

"Don't you dare stop me, Max. I'm not in the mood for your shit."

*Mutters* "...What happened to you, Xam?"

"I'm not letting this bitch live, you hear, Max? So if you want to fight me, then let's fight for control."

---

"...That's what you are: abandoned, worthless, blank flank!"

---

"Xam."

"What do you want?"

"Buck her up. Make sure she knows what fear really means."

*grins widely* "With pleasure."

---

Max closed his eyes and inhaled. As he exhaled, he slowly turn into Xam. Xam opened his eyes and looked at Scootaloo. She was on the verge of tears. He had to reassures her somehow. He slowly lift his hoof and puts it in front of Scootaloo.
"Don't cry," Xam said, calmly, "This's going to be over real quick."

With that, Xam dashed over to Silver Spoon. He was so fast that she barely reacted. Luckily for her, Xam only wanted to pass a message: "You might want to back up if you want to be safe."

Then, in another second, he was in front of Diamond Tiara. She was frozen in fear when she stared into Xam's eyes. "You should learn when to stop, you know," Xam said.

Before she could react, or even utter a sound, Xam grabbed het throat with his right hoof. Then, he stood up, pulling her throat with him, making her stand as well. Next, he took a wide step forward next to her, force his hoof down making Diamond loose her balance and fall backwards. Last, Xam shifted some of his weight on to his right hoof, making it hard for Diamond to breath. "You are a naughty one, you know that? You need to be punished." Xam said with a devilish grin.

With his free hoof, he slapped Diamond left to right to left again.At this point, Diamond was more scared of Xam then death. Death was instant, Xam made it torture to be conscious. He continued to slap her back and forth until he heard "Stop!"

He looked to see that it was from Silver Spoon. She, herself, was on the verge of tears. He looked at Silver Spoon ,then at Diamond, then back to Silver Spoon. He realizes that he might've taken it a bit too far. He might as well end it. With one more sigh, and one more inhale, Xam shot he two front legs and screamed, "DAMNIT!!"

With all of his energy, he forced down his two legs down at Diamond, only he missed on purpose. "If you even DARE make her cry again, I swear by Celestia's sun and Luna's moon that I will make sure that you'll never speak again. Do you understand, bitch?"

Diamond was still recovering physically and mentally as to what happened. Xam has no patience what so ever so he repeated, only louder. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

"Yes," Diamond finally mustered.

"Good. Now, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

With that, Diamond dashed out of Xam's clutches and next to Silver. They slowly walked away until Silver Spoon stopped, turned, and ran to Xam. "What do you want?" he gleamed.

"I just want to say... thank you. For stoping and..." she paused, as if her whole life she wanted to say the next few works, but she stopped, shook her head, and tries to continue," for showing mercy on Diamond Tiara."

"Is that all," Xam asked.

"Yes," Silver confirmed.

"Then go. Get out of here before I change my mind."

"...Thank you."

She turned and ran back to Diamond; continuing their way.

Xam calmed down a little and turned back to Scootaloo, only that she was scared. Xam gave a confused look and took a step forward. Scootaloo took a step back, scared of the new Max. Realizing what was going on, Xam looked down and smiled a sad smile. "So, it's come to this."

He looked up at Scootaloo one more time, smiling, "I'm sorry I scared you. I'll be off now."

He turned and aimed wondrously running away from Scootaloo and. As he ran, Xam slowly turned to Max. As Max continues to run, he found a bush large enough so he can cry in. He was practically heartbroken. The look on Scootaloo's face when Xam looked at her. The face that Max never wanted to see, yet he saw. He kept running until he was in the bush and curled himself up and cried. Salty tears ran from his eyes to cheek as he tries to muffle his cry.

Author's Note:

At this point, Max's cutie mark is up to your imagination. As long as it relates to something along the lines of opposites, I don't care. That is until I can find a pic to represent his CM.
I'm not sure if I get DT wrong. I just imagine a snot-nosed brat that's a bully, then I think of her. Plain and simple. I don't hate her or anything, it's just that when I think of DT, this is what I get in mind.
SS, however, I did some research on her so I hope I got the gist of SS.

Lastly, CRITIQUE!

Comments

[Ventan]

2946162 Well, I guess your right. I guess I kinda made the romance a bit to early. Then again, Xam did point that out, so... I'm not so sure what to.
Then again, there are some whose romance started on the first day of meeting. I thought it was ok for me to do that too.
I'll try to slow it down as much as I can.
Thanks for pointing that out!

[Blank Page]

It's nice to see that you improved this story. Since you asked me to critique it again, I'll give it a shot. (And for the record, I'm no professional at these things)

There are still some parts that are dialogue-heavy (mainly in the first chapter), but I'm glad to see that you added some imagery. You did really well in the second chapter, in my opinion, by adding some more details. There are still some parts in the story where you probably could have added a bit more, but I'll address that later.

I don't really know how to describe it (and I apologize for that), but it feels like the story is getting disrupted sometimes by the transitions between the "real" world and Max's mental conversations. It wasn't bad in the first or second chapters, but the third one was kind of... interrupted a lot by all the line breaks. This is just my opinion, but you probably could have incorporated Max and Xam's point of view into the actual conversation, and it would have turned out a bit smoother rather than having a few lines of dialogue, then a line break, then another line of someone talking, and then another line break, and so on and so forth.

For example, instead of having their point of view separated like this:

Max/Xam's POV
"Oh no," Diamond Tiara started, sarcastically, "hate is such a strong word for this blank flank."
"Oh no she did not just, "Max thought.

---

"That's strike one."
"Xam?"
"I'll give her two more. If she crosses the line, don't you bucking dare hold me back."
"No! I'm not letting you take over again!"
"Try me, you dipshit."

---

"Oh nothing, blank flank. It's just that you don't have anyone to take care of you. I mean, you don't even have a mom or dad," Diamond chuckled.

It could be integrated like this:

"What do you two want?" asked Scootaloo. Max noticed the air around him seems... tense.
"I'm guessing you two, umm, hate each other?" he guessed.
"Oh no," Diamond Tiara started, sarcastically, "hate is such a strong word for this blank flank."
"Oh, no she did not just," Max thought.
"That's strike one."
Max's eyes widened in shock from the sudden interjection. "Xam?" he asked in his head.
"I'll give her two more," Xam warned. "If she crosses the line, don't you bucking dare hold me back."
"No! I'm not letting you take over again!"
Xam growled, "Try me, you dipshit."
"Oh yea? What wrong with being a blank flank!?" Scootaloo shouted angrily.
"Oh nothing, blank flank. It's just that you don't have anyone to take care of you. I mean, you don't even have a mom or dad," Diamond chuckled.

But again, that's just my two cents. This is your story, and I'm not going to tell you how to write it.

One quick word of warning, though:

Granted, at this point, I don't care if I get DT wrong.

That's a pretty dangerous thing. Don't not care about any aspects of your story. If you don't care about your story, then why should your audience? It can be brushed off this time I suppose, but if it keeps up, the story will get very sloppy, very fast.

There are just a few more minor things, and I'm going to try to not sound too nit-picky. Sometimes during the mental conversations, it can can be a bit confusing as to who is talking. In the first chapter there is a bit of a lack of animation between the characters as they speak; it feels like Scootaloo is just standing in the doorway completely motionless the whole time. You did better in the other two chapters in that field, though; just try to keep it up.

Over all, though, this was an improvement from your first attempt, and I'm certain it'll get better. I wish you luck on your future endeavors!