Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Applejack die in an unfortunate cart crash while Apple Bloom is in school. A certain brown earth pony Stallion feels sorry for the orphaned filly and ends up adopting her causing chaos in his peaceful mansion with two arguing fillies.
How will Apple Bloom cope? And will a mysterious relation ship form between Apple Bloom and her new sister?
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Ehh. Sofas. You die by crashin into a shop that sells feathers and sofas.
Oh the Irony.
Hurr durr.
""It can't be! They cannot be dead! They were my only family!" she muttered to herself over and over again. She was so distraught that she didn't even realize when Cheerilee wrapped a hoof around her neck and stared patting her mane gently."
Season 1 episode 1 anyone?
Hurr durr.
2930886
yeah, the Apple family is massive.
2930886
the rest of her many that is still alive is her extended family. Applejack big mac and granny smith were her immediate family
dude there ALOT of things wrong with this story
it lacks details, it's way too fast paced, it doesn't give any real reason to much of what is written...it's one big amature mess.
1. teachers can't do that with the recently orphaned. they'd be sent to a social worker to place them in a foster home until they're a dopted or sent to an orphanage if they can't find one
2. THEY'RE PONIES!! esencially horses. THEY WOULDN'T DIE IN A CART ACCIDENT!! hurt? yes. they wouldn't die. it's fricken wood
3. she wouldn't cancel school when it was normally scheduled. it's equestria, but even then there's a school system.
4. there will ALWAYS be somepony to help on the farm and run it. THEY'RE FAMILY IS MASSIVE AND COUNTRY WIDE!! hell, they could have breabunr run it til bloom gets older.
i say completely rewrite it with someone who can HELP you!
h,doctor whooves is just the ponified version of the doctor,not an actual medical practitioner
one of three things is happening to applebloom right now:
1.she's taking this surprisingly well
2. the full force of the news hasn't hit her yet
3.the part of her brain that feels sorrow and loss has shut down to protect her mind from the horrible tragedy that has just occurred
I didn't ask for this...
It needs a lot of work plot wise.
Never have seen a fic about AB if her Family died.
You certainly have a good and overall NEW Concept, but you also really have to improve the execution.
2930868 hey look a sale on sofas whoa FUCK!!
So we hear from Applejack and Granny Smith but we are left only to guess the identity of the two stallions pulling the cart.
2934593 really I think you could just cut the prologue out entirely, or combine the prologue with this chapter to get one decent chapter over 1000 words long. This should be the first chapter and we really should have gotten farther into the story before dropping it.
Applebloom should have found out by the end of this chapter that she would be staying with Filthy and Diamond. Being dropped off while Bloom is searching for her belongings in the dark was just entirely unsatisfying. This is not even a cliffhanger, it's just drops us off at an entirely inconsequential moment.
Ms Cheerilee's part should have been greatly reduced and instead have Filthy Rich be the one to take Bloom in. Diamond would be all suprised her father actually showed up to pick her up only to find out that he was there for Bloom and a fit would ensue. Maybe Silver Spoon would remind Diamond that Bloom just lost her family and now would be the time to show just a little decorum! So she would then leave with Silver Spoon (because she wouldn't want to go to Sweet Apple Acres) and Filthy Rich would escort Bloom back home and help her move out.
That and the symbolism with the torn photo was entirely unnecessary and just came off as cheesy in my opinion. It was too soon in the grieving process for that level of rage to purposely destroy a photo of your departed loved ones.
Imagine if the author waited until Bloom was with Diamond before she threw a picture of her family against the wall. Imagine Diamond feeling awkward because she wasn't used to feeling anything for Bloom. Then DT picking up the pieces and helping her come to terms with her grief and feelings of abandonment.
Now that's good drama.
This was dry and rushed and left me with no emotional investment in the plight of Applebloom.
The concept is sound but as it has been pointed out the execution is severely lacking in substance.
I'm tempted to rewrite this myself.
Good story so far. Can't wait to see what happens next!