• Member Since 12th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 13th, 2014

LillyBreeze


E

Fluttershy is walking in the woods, when she stumbles across a lost looking dog. She attempts to pat it, but it runs away. She chases after it, to watch it jump into a lake. After it doesn't re appear, she jumps in after it, to find herself in a parallel universe of Equestria. Now she has a choice to make. Does she stay with the one she loves, and leave her friends, or go back to her friends and never see her other half again. If you like, please leave a thumbs up and a comment

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 20 )

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, of Fluttershy! How are you feeling my dear?"
"Good, thank you Elusive"
"What can I help you with?"
"Well, I was wondering in you could make ma a dress"
"Oh why of course! what type"
"One for the Hearts and Hooves day ball"
"Oh, do you have a colt friend?" Elusive asked, trying not to give away what he knew
"Um, no, but, um I just wanted a dress, so I um, don't look different"
"Of course, you can stay around with us if you want. We don't have a mare friend yet, but Rainbow Blitz has got his eye on someone"
"Ok, well um, how much do I owe you?"
"Nothing at all darling, let it be a welcome gift!"
"I insist on paying you, even half the price?"
"Not at all"
"Please, I know how hard business can get sometimes"
"I- oh fine, a quarter of the price"
"How much?"
"Ten bits"

of -> you mean Oh
ma-> you mean me
what type -> you missing a ?
you coupled a singular and a plural. It would sound better if you said "None of us have mare-friends yet"
"even half the price? was this supposed to be a compound sentence, a separate question or a regular sentence? reguardless it needs to be slightly reworded for example
"I insist on paying you, even if its just half the price" as a compound or "i insist on paying you, how about at half price?" if its a Compound question or even just lose the comma with "i insist on paying you even half the price" thoug that still sounds wrong....hmmm im rambling now :twilightsheepish: lol
one more

"IMSOSORRYFLUTTERSHTIDIDNTMEANITGOTTOGOBYE!" She said then took off like a bullet.

she-> you mean He
I Looove this concept btw dident go the way on Cross and Arrow like i expected but im surprised that Flutters wasent the one who flew off

they wont song with me

song -> Sing

"Sure, I can help, but I have to help Funny Feather with the entertainment to

to -> Too

Fluttershy trotted back to her house and started baking a few treats for Bubble Berry.

you got this backwards its Berry Bubble :scootangel:

2925018 yeah...........um.........ok.........thanks? :rainbowhuh:

2925033 are you sure its berry bubble? Let me check................... nope its Bubble Berry. http://mlpgenderswap.deviantart.com/ check on there :twilightsmile:

2927808
ahh i see lol i like berry bubble better tho but its cool your right

Lol i got confused for a while there i had to reread to figure it out (was she just in a coma the whole time? Was it all in her head? Did her consciousness just get sent away while her body stayed?)
But i manned to make sense of out all eventually

"IMSOSORRYFLUTTERSHTIDIDNTMEANITGOTTOGOBYE!" She said then took off like a bullet.
I'M
FLUTTERSHY
you forgot the s

"Um, i dont have any, um, idea. Yeah! NOIDEADBYE"
don't
NOIDEABYE!
you had a d in there

2956550 im glad you figured it out :yay:

2957443 lolz, i know, its kinda hard when therearenospaceslikethis. he he :pinkiehappy:

oh and by the way, this is it finished. Its a cliff hanger :scootangel:

2957443 ok ok, calm your jam :rainbowderp: lol soz,im not mad, i have just had a hard time with people and my writing in the past:twilightblush:

"CAN WE PARTY! CANWECANWECANWE!"
CAN WE PARTY?!
CANWE?CANWE?CANWE?!

Finish it fast i want to know how it ends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:raritystarry:

2957487 haha :pinkiehappy:, and i was thinking about leaving it on a cliff hanger, so everyone can finish it the way they want, what do you think? :twilightsmile:

Great story! had a great time read'n it and im hoping for more chapters in the future!

I'm filling out your oc from btw!

Name: FlashFire
Type of pony: Pegasus
Gender: girl
Looks: pale yellow fur with dark orange hair and light orange highlights, her cutie mark is 2 fiery wings, she has long wavyish hair a bit like sunset shimmers...( the colors of her fur and mane are in my profile/avatar pic!) oh and her eyes are green!
Personality: She tries to be upbeat and kind aside for the fact she's super easily tempered, loves to fly, tries to look brave even though she's most likely horrified, sometimes funny.
Weapon: she likes throwing knifes, those ninja star thingys, and throwing torches and other things on fire...

2962432 Ok thanks, i will use her :twilightsmile: she sounds really cool

Who is it I must find out what happens next ,:fluttercry:

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