Sintarious
Joined 19th Jul, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, you're good at getting to the reader's emotions, but you're having trouble with characterization. Celestia is ridiculously out of character, and I think that's what's causing your downvotes. You're making her vengeful, uncaring, greedy, and jealous simply for the sake of plot. I know it's tagged Alternate Universe, but you can't hide behind the AU tag as an excuse. It's only acceptable if the character differences are the premise of the story, and you haven't established that this is the case. So far, you haven't actually shown how this is different from the actual storyline, at least not clearly.
I guess it all depends on how you handle things from here on out. If you can pull it off, people should be able to look past her behavior, and I guess chalk it up to youth and resulting immaturity or something.
Also, if they're that young, when did they beat Discord? Or is that where the AU tag comes in?
2902533 Thank you for your input. Actually, yes she is badly OOC and I understand that. I was going to explain that more in-depth in the following chapters, thought you've gotten the point - She is still very young. She grows out of it by the next chapter seeing as its over a thousand years. I'm sorry, but not everyone is all sweetness when faced with dark emotions - sometimes they bring out the worst in you.
2902588 Oh, and you're good at getting to people's emotions. I said that already, but you're good enough at it, it's worth saying again.
Also, my question about Discord still stands.
2904188
Thank you again! Actually Discord is going to play a pretty important part and I don't want to give it away 
But yes, after chapter one or two the story line deviates quite a bit from the original storyline.
awww... I'm hoping the once a month updates are larger than this.
3135228
Ack, yes they will be - sorry about that! 
I kinda got stuck a bit. The next chapter will definitely be longer I promise 
3135234 yay
2904347
I didn't thinking he would have a part in this...
I think I comment here in the future. Using PM on fanfiction often gives me page errors.
Looks like you are doing better than I at the moment, my ratings are below average. Probably Human in Equestria are not really popular I guess. But I see how it goes with the more emotional chapters later.
Anyway, sorry again about being over negative earlier, when I was half asleep. I'm surprised nopony here had noticed the important descriptions of the area are not mentioned.
(Favourited, Following and Voted Up)
3139216 -hugs- ^.^ Thanks again Nightfall
Found something interesting... Looks like your OC name is mentioned on Equestria Daily. I don't know what it is about though, but I can't view the YouTube video due to poor connection.
Here's the link, but be warned. There is some M rated stuff mentioned in the comments:
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2013/09/the-adventures-of-prince-dusk-shine.html?m=1
How's ya next chapter coming along by the way...?
3164102
Uh sugercube, Duskshine isn't my OC. An OC is an Original Character. Dusk Shine is rule 63 Twilight Sparkle. Rule 63 is an internet rule that says if there is a character, there is a version of that character as the opposite gender. You'll see how that comes in much later 
Rarity is Elusive, Fluttershy is Butterscotch, Pinkie Pie is Bubble Berry, Rainbow Dash is Rainbow Blitz, um ... I think Applejack is the only one who's name doesn't change, though I could be wrong. OH! Celestia is Solaris, and Luna is Artemis.
As for the next chapter ... well to be honest I haven't gotten anything done on it, just caught a cold the other day and trying to get over it.
On a better note, I DO know where I'm going with it so it shouldn't take me long to actually get it written this time around
OH! PM me if you wanna talk so we don't clog up the comments box okie dokie lokie? 
