• Member Since 24th May, 2013
  • offline last seen May 6th, 2015

Sweet Vinyl


Comments ( 18 )

Not really well written. Could be a lot better.
But you get a Favorite and an Upvote cause I'm a sucker for Futa.
Espacially anal Futa...

2878322 Heh yeah its not in the format I usually write in... So that threw me off heavily, I'll probably go back through it tomorrow and make some changes.

Even though I knew that they were gonna start making love, I couldn't help but laugh a bit on how sudden it was. This alright, not the best but still deserves more views good job :D

herm on herm, awesome!:pinkiehappy::trollestia:

You had me at twins + futa, but lost me at second person present tense.

2882877 I know I have a problem with going from past to present tense ALOT...but why are people liking this XD its so bad :<

Also i only posted this because theres like 3(?) or 4 flitter x cloudchaser fics...

2886500 I can only assume the aforementioned combination of twincest and futa to be the culprit.

2878354 I suggest putting it into third-person, past tense omniscient.

2887837 Alright...here goes rewriting 60% of it T^T

You know just how to get me to flock to a story. Slap futanari on it and you got me going! GOOD JOB! When I read this, believe me, you'll deserve a medal!

2887837 Did it... took quite awhile but yeah... what do you think about it now? Better? Worse? Meh?

2913184 I'll look again later.

Just a note, started reading it but a BIG thing you would want to fix; Each time it switches speaker, start a new paragraph. Eg.

Cloudchaser knocked on the door, feeling let down a little that she didn't make it to the Wonderbolts, but positive nonetheless about being home again. Flitter opened the door and tackle hugs her sister, "CLOUDCHASER OH MY GOSH YOU’RE BACK!!!" Cloudchaser was rather taken aback by Flitter glomping her, but quickly recovered. "Heh, I missed you too, Flit! Did you manage to go a week without me?" Flitter flew up, blushing slightly as she suddenly realized that she might’ve given her sister a little too much affection and that she might be tired and a little sore from all her work at the academy. "Heh yeah...totally"

A little hard to read. Try. . .

Cloudchaser knocked on the door, feeling let down a little that she didn't make it to the Wonderbolts, but positive nonetheless about being home again. Flitter opened the door and tackle hugs her sister, "CLOUDCHASER OH MY GOSH YOU’RE BACK!!!"

Cloudchaser was rather taken aback by Flitter glomping her, but quickly recovered. "Heh, I missed you too, Flit! Did you manage to go a week without me?"

Flitter flew up, blushing slightly as she suddenly realized that she might’ve given her sister a little too much affection and that she might be tired and a little sore from all her work at the academy. "Heh yeah...totally"

I dont know if it was just at the beginning or not, but just so you are aware. :twilightsmile:

2923662 Hmm... Thanks! That's actually a quick change I can make and as long as it makes it better to read I don't mind at all ^.^

2923669
No problem! :pinkiehappy: If I happen to see a few things that require a quick fix while I read, I will message them to you. :twilightsmile:

Considering ive helped others, id say you did a pretty good job. Not hard to read at all. :D Also, do you like the profile pic?

Not bad. Not bad at all. Could've been better, but this is better than about 85% of the stories on this site that I've read, so +1 for that.

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