Dragon Blood

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 14 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 14
- Newest First
- Oldest First

pendrake72

pendrake72 #1 · Jul 9th, 2013 · 5 · 1 ·

@Solipsism 101...

Just a moderate negative in reading this... You really could have done without Scott-Spike talking degradingly-dirty to Teresa-Twilight (or at least calling her a slut & such), just that bit alone takes a lot away from the scene rather than adding anything.

Being overcome by his draconic lusts/passions is one thing; calling someone he loves & cares about a slut, for any reason, is different (& negative) thing.

firestripe

firestripe #2 · Jul 9th, 2013 · · ·

Yeah Spike's kinda a douche in this story

2848526

Barbara

Barbara #3 · Jul 9th, 2013 · · ·

2848526
True,but despite what's being said I absolutely ADORE this fimfic so far. I can't wait to see what happens next.

pendrake72

pendrake72 #4 · Jul 10th, 2013 · · ·

2848552... &
2850400...

I never said this fan-fiction was "bad." If it were, I would have just hit the Dislike button and moved on.

Instead, here I am offering literary refinement/revision advice to try to make the story better &/or more reader-believable .

There is a big difference between being overtaken by one's primal instincts/lusts versus a complete change of personality/attitude (aka "douche"). While Scott-Spike's draconic nature/lusts may be overriding his normal senses & restraint, it should not suddenly turn him into some trash-talking S&M hentai monster. If anything, Scott-Spike probably should not talk at all during those scenes, or "talk" more bestial-like (snarls, roars, growls, etc.; or "Spike...want!" or "hrrrTwwwiiillliiigghhhtthhhrrrr...").

If the story is meant to show drama over Scott-Spike's "struggles with preventing these primal feelings from overpowering him and destroying his relationships with his friends" (as quoted from the story Description) via loss of sexual control/restraint, that is fine; there have been many fan-fiction clop variants of Secret of My Excess episode, after all.

However, calling your friends/loved ones a "bitch, cunt, slut, whore, etc-similar.", pretty much guarantees to irrecoverably destroy your relationship with them, and thus not productive for a story such as this [speaking from personal experience, there really are some things, once said, you can never take back, or ever apologize for ]. For a Dark &/or Tragedy story, such language-use might be appropriate, but I do not get that vibe from this story (nor labels).