Job Application One: Sugarcube Corner
Wario grew accustomed to his new house very quickly. It seemed a lot like his house back in the mushroom kingdom, except with less chocolate coin wrappers scattered all over the floor and no television. The first morning of being in his new town was the morning to look around for Wario. He didn't care that all the residents were all rainbow ponies, but he did care about money, so "help wanted" signs are mainly what he was looking for when he was wandering the streets. Ponies looked at him odd, but really didn't mind it, for they had odd visitors from time to time that weren't ponies, and they didn't really card Wario as a threat of any kind.
While Wario was walking about, he came across a small bakery named "Sugarcube Corner" that held a big "help wanted" sign. Wario stood in front of it for a few seconds and thought about what his decision would be. He suddenly stuck his finger high into the sky.
"Wahaha! I got it! Wadio can be super baker!" he shouted as he rushed in to the shop. He looked around and saw a blue pony at the cash register. She sure noticed fat ol' Wario chugging along toward the register desk with his hand held high. He crashed his hands on the registration desk.
"Wadio wants to be baker!" he said adamantly.
"Oh my, somepony's eager! Well, alrighty..." the pony said as she reached below the desk and pulled out a paper. "Here's what you have to do. All you have to do is bake a pie. Bring it here, and my husband and I will judge it to see if you're worthy of the job. Good luck!"
Wario began to run toward the door. "Wadio will make best pie ever! Wahahaha!"
"No, wait! That door is-"
Wario slammed into the framed door and dropped straight to the ground.
"...Pull."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Wario rushed home as fast as he could to get started on making the pie. He slammed open the cabinet drawers in his kitchen and set a boxed pie down on the table.
"Open!" he yelled at it. He stared at the boxed pie for thirty seconds, but nothing happened.
"Arrr! Stupid box!" Wario yelled as he pounded the box. The side of the box opened and the pie scooted out on the table.
"Ah! Waha! I got it! Now. How does Wadio bake pie...?" He wondered. While he was wondering, his eyes caught a glimpse of a pie baking instruction list on the side of the pie box. He picked it up and began to read it.
"Step one: preheat oven temperature." He read.
Wario walked over to his oven and set it to the temperature to the listed degree. But then Wario thought of something; if he preheats the oven to a really high temperature first, the pie will bake faster! He preheated the oven to 700 degrees Fahrenheit.
"Wahaha! Wadio is genius!" He boasted loudly. He picked up the box again.
"Step two: Insert pie when ready."
Wario put the box down and went to open the oven door immediately with the pie in hand. He opened it up and chucked the pie, still somewhat wrapped with aluminum, inside.
"Step three: wait until pie is ready." He read. Wario sighed as he went to go sit down in the living room. As soon as he sat down, though, his stomach grumbled and he suddenly began to regret eating burritos for breakfast. They were named "Burritos of the Gods" for a reason, but Wario paid no mind when he ate them. He was now paying a deadly price.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He cried as he raced toward his bathroom. Earthquakes and battle roars erupted from the battlefield, but eventually, Wario won the battle against the evil king toilet and was crowned the hero of the bathroom. A few moments later, he emerged from the bathroom looking like he had just wrestled a bear that possessed the ability to wield swords.
"Mama mia..." He muttered, scratching his head. As he headed back into his kitchen, he stopped and stood emotionless as fire erupted from the inside of the oven. He turned around and walked into the living room taking deep breaths.
"Wadio saw nothing. It was all in Wadio's head. Yes! Wadio's head!" He told himself as he headed back into the kitchen. The fire was still there.
"WAAAAAAH! FIRE! FIRE!!" He panicked as he looked left and right for something to put the fire out. He soon spotted a bottle of liquid that said "oil" on it to his left on the counter. He grabbed it out of desperation.
"Water! Help Wadio!" he yelled as he chucked the bottle of oil into the open, flaming oven. Wario then began to hear cackles inside of the oven, and suddenly, it exploded, shattering Wario's windows and leaving his whole kitchen nearly black with soot and beat up from shrapnel. Wario stood in the throwing position with a surprised look glued to his face, still in disbelief that he just blew up his kitchen not even twenty four hours after receiving it. He suddenly dropped to his knees.
"WAAAAH! WHY YOU DO THEES TO WADIO?" He yelled. The oven in front of him suddenly dinged, grabbing his attention, and when he opened it, he saw exactly what he wanted to see for the past fifteen minutes: a pie.
"Maybe there is hope for Wadio! Maybe Wadio can finally get money!" He thought aloud. He then decided it was time to turn his pie in.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A few hours later, scraping was heard outside of Sugarcube Corner, like something heavy and metal was being dragged. When the blue pony from earlier that day emerged from her office to see what it was, she saw Wario hauling a destroyed and melted oven into her bakery.
"What in the name of Celestia are you doing!?" she shouted angrily.
Wario came around to the front and creaked open the door to the inside of the oven, which was barely hanging on.
"Wadio... bake pie... it got little stuck to floor of oven." He said. On closer inspection, there was a melted puddle of black liquid and shiny aluminum creased to the bottom of the oven. The pony stood there in shock.
"So... does Wadio get money for job now?" He asked.
"No!" the pony roared.
"D'oh I missed!"
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Luna x Wario is my OTP
Bastard
You owe me a new keyboard
because I just jizzed all over mine
marvelous work
2823797 Be prepared, for tonight, Wario dines on Fimfiction.
I hope by "make some money" you mean, "rob everyone blind and steal everything that isn't nailed down" Because that's what Wario WOULD do.
2824597 I suppose, but meh. Nice Houndoom avatar by the way. Really cool.
I love you.
Take all of my burritos.
More Wario love!
2824706 W... Woah! One of my idol writers and favorite Grumpling commented on my story!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mafo8o8QKZ1ro83ti.gif
Kewl.
2824719
Well, I too have a Wario fiction that I wrote in the youth of this fimfic account. So, I know the lack of Wario stories and how awesome and easy he is to write.
I approve.
2824719
Le Link.
2824792 As much as I LOVE Waluigi, I will be giving him his own separate story later in the future.
2823797
What the fuck...
I'm just going back into my shell now...
Wario's gonna wiiiin!
Maybe, now that he's in the magical land of Equestria, his new pony friends can help Wario realize that his special talent lies in beating pirates up and breaking things.
And they thought the Parasprites destroyed Ponyville quickly.
This is going to be epic. Scratch that—it's already epic.
Awesome, totally adding this to my Super Mario group.
2825334 Thanks! From the guy at the top of the feature box I'm lookin' at, it's an honor
2825403 Haha, yeah, about that. It's my first time being featured, and now I have the biggest pressure ever to write better future chapters
I was kinda happier with my smaller following. I've literally had 500 notices since this morning, and for a story I've never expected it from. I'd rather go back to my Super Mario crossover days
2825413 Well, I really wanted Wario to get featured but really never thought it would. Second time featured, but this will probably just drift on by.
Read chapter 1, so far it's brilliant.
Would have been more hilarious if Wario was the narrator instead, kinda like the instruction manuals and the stuff you read on the back of the game cases.
2825418 Yeah, it's almost like you need controversy to be featured. It only got featured because of the view count skyrocketing because it's almost the only Flashlight story out there. My other stories have zero or one dislike and were never featured. It's almost better if your story isn't, because then the rating % will be better.
The end of Chapter 2...the mario party reference...
help my lungs lord
2825420 Hey, thanks! I could've done better with the first Job Application, but y'know, future chapters come with better funnies. Wario is later gonna attempt a writer, so you get a first person chapter later.
2825431 While that is true, even if my fic gets a, say, 200 like to 150 dislike ratio from feature, I still count it as 200 people liking the fic and I can still have the courage to say I did a good job.
2825450 Oh yeah, totally. That's a great view. With OCD I struggle with that, but that's why I write best with Twilight I think lol. Just keep it up and I'll follow this story.
this is weird....but good, and remnds me of wario ware
This is priceless. I can't stop laughing.
Oh if only I could pay to make this into a full fledged game, this would never cease to amuse me.
2825496 Lol you added it into Shipping because of Luna, right?
2825512 Yep.
2825560 A running gag will be that Luna's always gonna try to hit on Wario.
2825563 No matter what happens never abandon that joke. NEVER!
This fic is the WEENAH already. Anything involving that hilarious fatty is alright with me. Sooooo....I LOVE THIS!
(Upvoted and Favorited)
D'oh my GOD
Thought before reading:
Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that Wario doesn't qualify for the 'Human' tag?
Oh good lord, I just know this is going to be comedy gold!
This. Is. Featured!
Awesome!!!!
Now, deal with all of the comments. Mwahahahahaha!
"Wadio thinks this fic is Stupid!" Wario crossed his arms, feeling humiliated.
Thank you, may I have another?