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Ponyville was about to put on a musical show in celebration of its reconstruction. No rampaging Ursa Minor or angry Alicorns could wipe the town off the map.
Unfortunately, the town was to have a run-in with an adorable pestilence that was all-consuming...
Can the Elements of Harmony find out how to stop this pest before it was too late?
A Cadanceverse story.
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If it's alright to comment, I think you should change it a little more from the original episode. Sometimes it kind of felt like I was just reading Swarm of the Century with characters swapped out. That was mostly just in the beginning though. The worldbuilding was cool and interesting, though maybe break it up a little with more interaction between Medley and Bluenote. I really enjoyed this chapter.
2810956
Thank you. I am not sure if it will come easily between Medley and Bluenote though.
Everyday conversation does not get into this historiography well... Medley's heart has to open herself to pour out those feelings and observations...
That's weird... I can't favorite it for some reason! I was gonna read it later...
2814168
That's because the story is still not published at this moment! You're an early pre-reader for finding this now.
2814188 Oh, OK. I've never seen a story do that before, so I was kind of confused...
This. There are some of us who are more suited for the local community band than for the Boston Pops.
Interesting, some of word choice near the beginning seemed a bit, odd but I think it had a good sense of whimsy.
I found the technical parts a bit hard going as I don't know much about brass instruments (or any instrument really) but they were interesting none the less.
I like the Prince Cadence part, nice to see Octy loose her cool occasionally.
Ah and Red Tape got a name check.
2817845
Oh boy. That's something that I should keep in mind of. Were you able to get a picture about how the horns work from this? Or was it a TL;DR moment?
Edit: My music theory-fu is weak, so I can't do justice on career musicians that are schooled in that kind of stuff.
2817971
I think I more or less get it and its quite interesting to see how they would work for Ponies not something most people think about, it normally just happens.
I've seen one or two brass instruments, which helps. My grandfather was in a marching band well before I was born (I have that to thank for my existence, my grandmother apparently liked the uniform) and my uncle also plays although I only see him once in a bluemoon.
Some interesting stuff about the element instruments being indestructible / tough. As I said in the first story its most interesting for Fluttershy's birds given there's lots of them and they might be sentient, are they now immortal? What happens when birds join or leave the choir?
2818179
That's something that we'll have to think about... how does that enchantment really work? How far does it go? Ahh, things to think about!
I totally heard Charlie Daniels narrating the first part of that song... never mind the Vandals.
I now have Flight of the Bumbebee stuck in my head just from the title. I blame you.
2821975
hehehe.
I found the speaker discussion a bit easier to follow than the tuba but still hard going.
Are we making it a thing that Sweetie Bell never gets to say anything?
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Here! Have a token Sweetie Belle. Just look good and smile to the audience!
2823388
Well it could be a thing, maybe linked to Rarity always going on about how her sisters such a chatterbox and never lets her get a word in edgeways.
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I don't know, really! (Then again, this isn't my genre by any mean.)
Ah, the first Cadance-verse story not written by me! I'm going to try to be as thorough as I can with feedback, so here goes:
WRITING/GRAMMAR
The writing style is good in terms of grammar and flow. My only concern is that the sentence structure can get somewhat repetitive, as here:
Except for the third paragraph (which I think is missing a verb?), all of the sentences begin in the same way: "A buttermilk colored Pegasus was," "She was," "She had," "The basket had," "She was," etc. Object followed by verb. The story might flow better if these were more varied.
There's also a little bit of telling-and-not-showing, for example:
We can tell that her voice isn't malicious from the context of the scene, in which she's generously giving fruit to the parasprite.
Also, pony tribes (e.g., 'unicorn') shouldn't be capitalized unless they start a sentence of something.
CONTENT
The first scene with Fluttershy works well. It's largely the same as the show, but since Fluttershy is a main character on both, and is being pretty generous in the show scene in the first place, so it works. To differentiate them, maybe a reference or two to Fluttershy preparing for a show with her birds could work, to emphasize that she's not as shut-in and isolated as on the show.
Hmm. They've really only had one calamity, the tyrants returning. The Ursa never made it to town, after all, and it really only freaked out Trixie and Twi, neither of whom are part of Ponyville. Also, it hasn't been a year. If this is set after the Ursa incident, it's been... maybe three-four months since Octavia arrived in town, I'd say.
Already liking the use of technical language, like "satellite speakers."
Raindrops cameo! I'm glad she's gotten over her grumpiness to help out with Vinyl's sound set-up.
I really like what you've done with Vinyl here. I think you got her voice down very well for the most part. My only comment is, I'm not sure she'd use the puppy-dog eyes, esp. since she's not dating Tavi. I'd think C-verse Vinyl would be more likely to just start going on about how awesome the final show will be, and bowl Tavi over with her enthusiasm. :-)
Octavia... to be honest, i feel like she's too much like canon-Twilight here. I'm not sure why she's involved in the set-up, if MoP taught us one thing, it's that she's not a very good event planner. :-) Her official role in town is sort of as a government surveyor (of the music of the town), and while Mayor Mare probably doesn't want to antagonize her, Octavia doesn't really have any qualifications or work obligations to be involved in any of the logistics setup. Also, in Music of Ponyville, Octavia gave a lot of orders to Mayor Mare, but then she went off and practiced for a few hours rather than going OCD and checking herself to make sure it was all done. Octavia is probably used to ponies obeying her, both from growing up in a noble home and absorbing the attitude, and also from mostly being familiar with classical orchestras, in which the conductor gives orders and the players have to obey them. I'd think she'd be more likely to just trust that the ponies will get their stuff done. She's learned a bit since then, esp. since the disaster at the Equinox celebration, but I still don't think she'd be going crazy checking-everything like this.
I really Octavia's musical view of the town. The bridge and such are very well done.
The misspelled sign tends, I feel, again to get a bit too close to the show. It's in character for Octavia to get upset and object to it, but... I dunno. I feel like it should be different than the show, if that makes sense. If there's to be sort of a conflict, I'd almost prefer it to be something like Octavia wanting to perform for Cadance, but also having some other duty to perform at the same time (maybe she got roped into helping Bonbon with her candy stand, as a way to apologize for taking away her stand the first time around). Then she could maybe argue, or gripe about, the issue to someone.
Huh. Not sure how I feel about Pinkie again being the parasprite expert, since she's not a Bearer here. Of the Elements, the one most likely to identify a parasprite (besides Flutters herself) would probably be Lyra, who may well have heard of some epic tale of parasprites destroying a town. Not objecting to Pinkie just yet, but I don't think she should have a major role here, since she's not supposed to be a main character in the C-verse.
Hmm. I hadn't thought before of Medley getting offended on behalf of instruments, but now that I think about it, it does fit with her loyal nature. Not only is she loyal to her customers, but to her instruments themselves too. Cool!
I really, really like the Bluenote/Medley technical scene. I'm kind of a nerd for this sort of thing, and I enjoy the descriptions of the history of tubas-for-ponies. I also like the thoughts on how the Elements seem to be making the instruments more resistant to abuse, if not mistuning and miscalbiration. That's a really nice detail that I definitely thinks works well with the setting.
2818179: My thoughts are, when a bird leaves the choir, it loses its Elemental powers; when Fluttershy adds one, that bird gains them. Those powers are probably nothing grand (except when the friendship canon is firing); in the case of the birds, I'd imagine they don't get sick (and are unusually healthy), can sing better, and maybe are more empathetic. It's something we should probably hash out on the boards, though.
Lastly... Bluenote's technical ability. I like that she's able to play well and have fun, but I'm not sure she should be this good. Bluenote is supposed to represent, in part, the idea that you don't need to be a virtuoso to have worth as a musician. She would rather have fun, look at the stars, swing on her picnic bench, etc., than practice quite as hard as Octavia or Vinyl, and that's okay; she plays well enough that she can teach foals, and she can bring laughter and delight to those who hear her music. She might not be symphony-level, but she's just as valuable as a mare like Octavia who practices for hours on end. I think something of this is lost when she demonstrates that she can do all this fancy technical stuff, with the perfect tonguing and the unusual time signatures and such.
Bluenote's preferred genre is jazz, which has a lot of improvisatory focus. I'd think that, were she to play the Carnival of Venus/Altomare, she'd play the parts she could, and for the really difficult sections she couldn't handle, she'd improvise something in the style of the piece that was still fun and great to listen to, maybe something even that some folks like more than the crazy-hard technical stuff.
Again -- not trying to say Bluey's a bad musician! She's not; she's a good teacher and ponies genuinely like her work. I'm just not sure she should be as skilled technically as she is here. (Maybe we should discuss her exact level of proficiency on the boards...)
Overall, really like this chapter. Sorry if it sounds like I'm being too critical -- just trying to be as thorough as possible. :-) Now, on to part 2!
Well... I loved this whole chapter.
The speaker discussion was awesome. It's perfect for Vinyl to be working on that, and of course Medley, who builds acoustic instruments, is probably the most useful pony to talk to about that kind of thing. I loved how they wound up going with 'parasprites and hay' for their acoustically resonant properties. It's a really cool follow-up to the scene in Busting Boasts with the discussion of Vinyl needing to work in various environments, unlike musicians who play in concert halls specifically built to be acoustically great. Vinyl's flexibility and ingenuity here is awesome.
Medley's hunt for her instruments was also fun. Bluenote's music was great, as was the follow-up scenes with the others. Octavia's frustration at Bluenote dropping her Elemental tuba in the mud was wonderful.
Octavia's thoughts on her cello were great. That's exactly what I would expect from her, and it works really, really well.
One line in that section seemed odd:
I'm sure you didn't intend this, but this does sound vaguely creepy ... maybe, "Well, my tuba got dropped in the mud when I was playing for some foals and tried to balance on one hoof" or "balance on a log" or something like that. (I think the joke works better when Bluey is more specific as to what she was doing as well).
Rainbow Dash, Sweetie, and Rarity worked really well together. (Heh. Would Rarity really leave Sweetie in charge of her shop? I can see her coming back and finding everything covered with glitter. :-D ).
Not sure Medley would spend all day hovering around and looking for Pinkie; she might not be able to afford to close shop for so long. Maybe add a line saying that it was after her closing hours anyway, or she knew she'd get no business because of the fair-setup, to justify her doing this.
I also liked Rarity, AJ, and co. working with Medley and Vinyl to get the hay-blankets and such made. I think this is the right way to use the M6, and the scenes fit all their characters. I did like Medley's comments on Octavia's Ivory-Tower origins, as well as AJ acknowledging Octy's improvement.
Hmm, Octavia the amateur scientist? Interested to see where this goes.
Definitely looking forward to the next chapter!
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I never did manage to establish terribly well why is it that Octavia's obsessed with it all. It's only by the end of the second chapter that the audience found out of her role with assisting Canterlot orchestra's Concertmaster, which is the head honcho in the said orchestra. A professional would be on edge with that kind of weight on her I guess
Hmm, as others have said, a bit too derivative of 'Swarm'. I do love the musical worldbuilding there.
Okay, now this is a lot better.
I love the deviations and them studying the little buggers. Quite nice.
2828623
It's actually a bit hard to get the first chapter going. wolfstorm56 was the one that made me want to move things up and let events evolve. The balance is much better now (and the opening being near duplicate of the swarm actually serves as a foil to where things are going.)
It took me a while to get around to reading this, since I just got back from traveling, but this was a really great and interesting chapter. :)
As others have said, your inclusion and usage of the M!6 is very well-done, and, no disrespect to the Lunaverse intended, I found it to be refreshing to see them portrayed positively in an alternate universal setting.
Think you meant 'was' here.
Seems 'both' would fit better, if it's just the two of them laughing.
This might just be a pet-peeve of mine, but using Ur in place of Er throws me for a loop sometimes. Also leaving out the 'h' in Yeah.
But that's just me.
2830734
Ok. making correction right now. Thank you!
2831966 No prob.
This was hilarious! I was laughing from "Dame Pinkie" onwards, pretty much. Lyra and Pinkie make a great team, don't they?
Minor Crit: There were a couple of points where words needed to be plural when they were single; I'm on my phone so I can't quote any at the moment. Also maybe it's just my phone, but it seemed like characters' thoughts weren't italicized or otherwise differentiated from the other narration, which was kind of confusing.
But other than that little stuff, this chapter made me super-excited to see how this whole situation plays out. :)
2839560
Correcting formatting error right now. Been trying some new things, such as using *.png for the line break and such. Thanks for the heads-up!
Enjoyed the Lyra and Pinkie scene. They bounce off each other in a delightfully fun way, and Lyra's internal monologue is neat.
I like Tavi's scene, although I didn't think SAA was near the Everfree -- as I recall, it's on the other side of town from Flutter's, which is in fact bordering the 'Free.
Tavi never went to Zecora's cottage yet, so I suppose there will be another story between Music of Ponyville and this one detailing that adventure. Maybe she goes with Lyra to pick up the reward Zecora promised her. :-)
I like how Tavi took charge to help save the town's food source.
I'm... not opposed to Pageturner showing up, and I think you got her personality correctly, but I'm a little leery if this fic does reconcile them, mostly because I think it'd be best if her somewhat acrimonious relationship with Octavia continued for a while. I think there could be some good plots down the road dealing with that. (Then again, maybe she's just here to watch the musical Elements save the day again and have to deal with Tavi once again being praised. :-) ).
The interaction between Vinyl and the orchestra is really nice. I love scenes with professionals discussing their craft. :-) Also enjoyed Fluttershy and her one-mare battle against the parasprites all night. Staying up all night to save the town is a very Flutter-y thing to do.
Cadance seems a little... I don't know. Out of it? I'd think she'd be more familiar with parasprites; but she seems really clueless and naive here. Her rationale for including Pageturner doesn't make much sense either; Pageturner worked with Octavia not because Tavi really needed an assistant (indeed, she mostly ended up ignoring Pageturner) but because Tavi needed friends. Tavi does have friends now, so Pageturner could presumably go work for a pony whom she doesn't dislike.
Overall, really liked this chapter!
2842838
It's too early for reconciliation to happen. I just have in mind that Cadance's quite perceptive and she would've been keen to set things up to make relationship better when possible... I will make a bit correction about Pageturner.
I didn't think that Cadance would've known of the parasprites if main!Celestia didn't, even with more than 1000 years of being in charge. She really was written to be so clueless about the whole thing that it's almost unbelievable. I think I will have to do a bit of retouching over this.
Yep, Pinkie and Lyra an Epic team made in heaven.
Did the little note sections separating the scene's actually mean anything or were they just to look good?
With the Fluttershy scheme I did wonder if their might have been another way they could be used to stop the Parasprite, as an entomologist by training I though there was going to be some biological control going on there with the birds eating the sprite's given their reproductive rate they must be highly r selected so something probably eats them in huge numbers.
2843810
Well, dumping it to the ecosystem of the Everfree? Birds can't handle a locust swarm while in the midst of it... I suppose. Pesticide spell isn't exactly what Flutters could pull off...
2843823
True, although they might handle a small out break out under Fluttershy's control,
"Fly my pretties! Eat them all! Feed them to your chicks so they grow up big and strong!"
(Cue mad cackle from the Grand Galloping Gala)
Although eating all the antagonists wouldn't be a very mlp way of dealing with the problem.
People keep writing stories about me wtf
2879430
Cause there's multiple instances of you, Parasprite.
2879433
THERE IS ONLY ONE
2879435
The king is dead;
long live the king.
2879436
Ah, the renowned Diamond dog composer, Johann Sebastian Bark! Known for his cantata "Wachet Arf!"
Ah, darn my backlog of fics to get through! *Shakes fist at heavens. Heavens smirks down* Anyway, awesome. It's like a runaway train here.
And like GrassandClouds said, it's cool to see Pageturner... but yeah. Reconciliation is way too early for them. So, cool on that for you.
¿Are parasprite insects? ¿Are parasprites even arthropods? Given that pegasi have 6 limbs, ¿are they chordates? I ask rhetorically because I often interact with creaTards and use our common morphology and lack of chimeras as evidence of common descent. Interestingly, when the CreaTard Ray "The BananaMan" Comfort idiotically tried to use the lack of chimeras as evidence of special creation, when, in reality, the existence of chimeric creatures like the CrocoDuck would disprove common descent.
Mine headcanon is that Discord is Q and he created the universe of Equus for his amusement. It explains the obvious artificiality of the universe of Equus.
next chapter ?
3073274
What a pun! What a pun!
It'll be interesting to see hw things play out.
Hehe, you referenced the title of the original parasprite episode, Swarm of the Century, let's hope they can take care of the parasprites before they eat all the food in town, or worse, eat the town.
A parasprite in Cadence's mane? oh dear...
As much as I like that unique description of her color, it's inaccurate. Although buttermilk does have a slightly yellow tint, it would still only be called off-white or cream-colored. It would not be considered yellow. I would consider her more of a pastel yellow.
Personally, I don't like it when people portray Pinkie like this. Even ignoring the misconceptions about her 4th wall breaking abilities, this is just too far.
As long as you're not in possession of food that is.
I can't help but feel like the M!6 (or rather M!5, since Twilight's not there... or M!4 since Fluttershy is part of the C!6) is being given too much focus. I'm pretty sure even Rainbow Dash got more screen time than Lyra. And Pinkie has gotten more screen time than Lyra, Octavia, or Fluttershy. At least, that's how it feels to me. And it also feels like this is more Pinkie's story.
Despite the fact that I seem to have negative comments on this story, I am enjoying nonetheless. So don't get the wrong idea.
2825866
Although I agree with your point that it should've been done differently, I disagree with it being creepy. Wording like that is only creepy if you let it be.
Or Sweetie Belle attempting to cook dinner.
Considering that she just had part of her inventory stolen, I'd figure that she'd probably lose some business from that anyway. So closing shop probably wouldn't make much of a difference.
2830734
Well, the Lunaverse looked at it in the sense of who they would've been if they didn't represent the Elements of Harmony. Also, the Lunaverse generally has a darker theme to it whereas the Cadanceverse has a more lighthearted theme.
Also, the Lunaverse M!6 did eventually get redeemed (except for Rarity, who didn't need it... and Fluttershy, because not even the Lunaverse can portray her in a negative light).
"Yea" is a proper word. I will however agree that it's being misused. Although it is intended to represent the word "yes", people often misuse the word "yea". It actually isn't pronounced the same as "yeah". It's actually pronounced "yay", and is often used in "yea or nay".
So, did you just learn something new today? Because I just did considering that I just Googled it.
Famous last words?
I think Friendship is Witchcraft did it better.
2842838
In all fairness, Celestia seemed ignorant of the existence of parasprites as well.
Will there be a continuation, or is this fic dead?