Hey! My name's Dash! I'm a dude who likes writing crap. I don't use this website much anymore, but oh well.
When Twilight is about to try her new baby spell on one of he park squirrels she messes up and hits all of her friends. For days the fillies go wild. Spike has to take care of them while Twilight finds a counter spell. Will they both survive the filly version of their friends?
Page generated in 0.108 seconds
Total duration
629 users online
924,233 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I love this new story!
I joined the group, and a few others, but on Chapter 2, you spelled Pond Cake in stead of Pound Cake.
Oh I'll fix that tanks for telling me! And thanks for the compliment!
Just fixed it!
Better! I need your help on something. In Chapter 3, Granny Smith goes to talk to Stinkin Rich in the diary entry. But, do you have any ideas for what I should name his wife? (Looks exactly like grown Diamond Tiara.)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They imprinted Twilight!!!
ugh man this is amature. all the way. i can tell. it's way too fast paced. lacks MANY MANY details. a real plot point other than "WOW BABIES" , no goal of the story and lacks a real purpose. harsh but important. you need to have the help of someone who has written fanfics before.
i say get some help and completely rewrite this after you've thought about the idea awhile.
2815559 have, done, about 35 or 36. and even then. it's called constructive criticism. if you can't deal with someone trying to help by giving pointers then you have no reason to be an author in the first place.
seriously. if you can't take help, how would you take critics or people that HATE it. i like the starting idea. it has promise but i HATE the fact it's written like a 5 year old just learning writing practices.
Hm, this story has potentiall. All I really noticed was its a little too fast paced, add some more details. Make it so the reader is actually in the situation, they can hear every noise, smell every smell, and see every sight. Don't worry if its the best you can do, when I started out I was WAY too fast paced, I'm still too fast paced now, but I improved with practice. Just try a little harder to make it more detailed, I'll keep my eye on this story though!
They idea's was good but the grammar needs work. It made it rather difficult to read.
All Right but they are the first 2 chapters so they may be a little fast!
Hey guys how many chapters should there be? this was supposed to be a short story so I'm asking you guys!
I would say, a short story is normally about 2-3 chapters long, but yours are kinds short, so I guess for you I would say about 4-5
2824832 Thats what I was thinking so it's gonna be 5 chapters!
I'm almost finished!
Happy fourth of July!
Still here? OK. As many other comments have stated the pacing is too fast, I will go so far to say that this is more of an outline of a story then a full story. There was much missed potential for comedy and/or adventure.
).
As for the SHORT chapters, I think that this story as it currently stands should have one chapter two at most.
Try and get some pre-readers, although most of them (even the good ones!) will probably tear this story to shreds. They will help spot spelling and grammar errors that your spell checker missed, and point out plot holes, and confusing time jumps. As always with them you should take their comments 'with a pinch of salt'.
Tags: Use them! (I have noted that you seem to have already learned this lesson, based on your latest story, well done
Still reading?!? Not everything I am going to say is negative.
The core plot of the story is good, and the description does it's job of persuading me to start reading the first chapter. Although I dislike you choice of title it combined with the picture did manage to get my attention and generate the curiosity needed for me to open the description.
Alls of the above are my personal opinions and should not be taken as rule of god, but much of the advice is duplicated in many other stories by other users in their comments.
Final Note: You have potential just not yet tapping into it yet. So don't let harsh works in the comments get you down, most of us want to to see you get better and are trying to help you do that with our comments.
2855420 Seriously?
I think tense is an issue here.
It is a little short like my stories
3310542 It's supposed to be a short story
dunnn dunnnnn dunnnnnn
3310559 The end! DUN DUN DUUUUUU!
2996276 Gotta agree there. Otherwise, cool concept. Could also use some more description, but that's just me.
3390865 Thanks
>Synopsis ends with a rhetorical question
>Rhetorical question doesn't have question mark
Wow, what a deal! Two beginner mistakes for the price of one!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/179/988/tumblr_lrs34kqdOu1r3rrdyo1_400.jpg
I'm not sure if you've seen it, but the blog post by Wanderer D should help explain why I wasn't interested in opening your story after that.
a bit rushed with not enough character development or plot, but it's alright i guess.
3701910 It's one of my first stories!
Good story. Kinda cute so have a thumbs up.
3703237 Thank!
U should make a sequel with pinkamena
3718378 Alright!
That was rushed, grammatically incorrect, and lacking description. Love the idea, hate the execution. No hard feelings to the author
-
3800071 Ty, I have an editor
therewasnodetailandIreaditin5minutes
4132734 First off, (I don't want to be negitave either
) But, it is a first story. Second. I made it when I was like nine 
. Third it is a short story!
This made meh laugh.
4147041 Thanks
Locked
To funny LOL
2824900 Please make another one?
Say yams why were they fighting??????
4148017 This made me laugh to :P
4306732 ?
i like the story its short sweet and to the point
4335577 ty.