Chapter Two-Born To Run
Every time he’d gone through the box, he’d made sure to put the contents back chronologically. He thought it was best to remember the good before the bad. On top of the stack of photos, letters, and newspaper clippings was a faded photo of an aged stallion and a young mare holding a foal wrapped in cloth. He knew this to be the first Chaser Family photo.
His father, Gold Chaser, stood there tall and proud. His gold mane and coat were given no justice by the faded photo, with his cutie mark of two crossed pick axes nothing more than a smudge.
His mother, Dream Weaver, substantially younger than her husband, had a red mane down to her tail which obscured her astral swirl cutie mark. Inside the cloth bundle she was holding was the foal he recognized as himself. Nothing more than a ball of gold fluff and a tuft of red mane, he was the pride and joy of his parents.
After staring at the picture for a few moments, he placed it upside down next to him, as he did every time he went through the box. He reached back into the box and took out the next picture. He laughed at the sight of himself covered in chocolate cake on his first birthday. He quickly shuffled through the next dozen trying to find one in particular. When he found it, he held it up to the moonlight so he could see every little detail. He was a colt in the picture, and his eyes were lit up with joy at the sight of his cutie mark.
Dream Chaser leaned his head back against the wall and looked at the picture with a feeling of warmth inside him. He closed his eyes and focused on the memory.
His father had been off at work and his mother busy running errands that day. As always, they had left him home alone and told him to be good until they got back. Typically, he could handle the task, but this day was different. It had rained non-stop for a week, and the one day it was nice out, he was told to stay inside.
He’d spent the first half of the day alternating between seeing how fast he could run up and down the staircase, and watching the neighborhood ponies play out in the street. They paid him no mind as he pressed his nose against the glass, watching them enjoy their freedom. He had sighed and gone back to running up and down the staircase.
He counted one hundred repetitions and ran to the large mirror his parents kept in the living room. To his dismay, his flank was still blank! Disappointed, he went back to looking outside. This time, as he pressed his face against the glass, a filly took notice. She was around his age, with white fur and a white mane with a blue ribbon in it.
She tilted her head inquisitively and Dream Chaser ducked from the window. When he thought she was gone, he slowly brought his eyes even with the window pane. She was now in his front yard, walking cautiously to the window. Some of the other ponies in the streets had stopped to watch her; others were looking at him with curiosity.
She walked all the way up to the window and peered in, her emerald eyes meeting with his. He felt some sort of comfort when he looked into her eyes and opened the window.
“What are you doing inside?” she asked.
“My parents told me to stay inside,” Dream Chaser replied. She looked behind him, scanning the room for something she couldn’t see.
“Are they home? Ask them if you can come out,” she said.
“They aren’t home and I don’t know when they will be,” he said sadly.
“Oh,” she said. They both went quiet and watched as a ladybug crawled along the windowpane before taking flight. “You should come out anyway,” she said with a smile.
He wanted to, very badly, in fact. Since moving to Manehatten, he’d made no friends, and here was a golden opportunity to socialize. Her hooves wrapped around his and she began tugging him gently, trying to coax him out the window. He resisted, but she tried harder. Eventually he gave in and let her pull him through the window. They stood there, smiling at each other as several of the neighborhood ponies gathered around.
“I’m Dream Catcher,” she said, “What’s your name?” He couldn’t process her question because he was still working her name through his head. Dream Catcher.
“My name?” he asked stupidly.
“Yeah? You have one, right?” she asked, walking circles around him. He felt the eyes of the other ponies staring at him.
“I’m Dream Chaser,” he said at last.
“Really? No way!” she said excitedly, finally stopping in front of him. “We could be the Dream Team!” He let her lead him around, introducing the other ponies that made up the crowd. There was Rough Draft, Beach Comber, Afternoon Delight, Grease Monkey and so many more he couldn’t remember. They were earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns of varying age and color.
During the introductions, there was a group of older ponies who had kept their distance from the crowd, watching and whispering to one another.
“Who are they?” he asked after noticing them. The large one in the middle raised his eyebrow at Dream Chaser. He was by far the oldest of the ponies in the crowd and the biggest. He had black fur, a mane that looked like fire, and eyes that burned with the intensity of the sun. Dream Catcher didn’t have to look to know who he was referring to. She began walking, indicating for him to do the same.
“They’re the bullies,” she said, as they walked through the dispersing crowd. Many of the ponies resumed playing; others had taken notice of the bullies and ran back to their houses. “They think because they’re older and have their cutie marks or whatever, that they’re better than us. But I heard they were all last of their classes to get their cutie marks. So, you know, the bullied became the bullies.”
“Where are we going?” he asked suddenly, not realizing they had walked so far from his yard.
“Somewhere safe,” she replied. He turned around to see the bullies had made their way through the crowd and were taking large strides towards them.
“Should we run? I can run fast! I’m pretty sure it’s my special talent,” he said, picking up the pace. She struggled to keep up even with his slowest speed.
“Please slow down; don’t leave me,” she begged, her emerald eyes beginning to water. The bullies were now spread out evenly through the street, blocking their way back and closing the distance the two had put between them. Dream Chaser slowed down and matched his pace with Dream Catcher’s. She smiled at him and he smiled back.
Bullies passed them on either side and came to a stop in front of them, blocking their path. Six in all, they had them surrounded. They had come to a stop in a shady part of town, where the houses all had boarded windows, and horseshoes hung from the power lines.
“It wasn’t very nice of you to leave without introducing us,” said a voice from behind them. They turned to see the large black pony making his way between two of the other ponies, bringing the number of bullies to seven. Now that he was closer, Dream Chaser could see the scars that covered his body.
“Dream Chaser, this-this is Smoke Storm,” Dream Catcher said timidly. Smoke Storm began walking around the circle the other bullies had formed.
“Aren’t you going to introduce my friends?” he asked, stopping in front of a Pegasus pony with only one wing. Dream Catcher just looked around the circle then down at the ground. “Forgotten? Let me remind you. This is Earth Bound,” he said, gesturing to the one winged Pegasus. Earth Bound was green with a black mane, green eyes and a Hindenburg cutie mark.
Next he walked to a purple earth pony with a short yellow tail and mane. It took Dream Chaser a few moments to realize she was a mare. Her cutie mark was a broken heart. “This is Tough Love,” Smoke Storm said, passing by her. She looked at Dream Catcher with her yellow eyes and licked her lips; her tongue ring shining in the sunlight.
“Short Stack,” he said as he passed a short, fat Clydesdale pony with a plate of pancakes for a cutie mark. He continued around the circle till they were all introduced. There was Twenty-Twenty, an orange unicorn a little older than Dream Chaser with purple eyes, neither of which ever looked in the same direction; Trash Picker, a skinny unicorn with dirty blue fur and a brown mane; finally, there was Chewy, a red Pegasus with a blue and white mane. Chewy smiled after his introduction, revealing his three remaining teeth, which were just about the same color of Trash Picker’s mane.
“And what was your name again?” Smoke Storm asked, getting right up into Dream Chaser’s face. His breath was hot and smelled of raw onions, burning Dream Chaser’s eyes.
“Dream Chaser,” he said, not breaking eye contact, “Pleased to meet you.” The other ponies around the circle laughed and Smoke Storm began circling like a shark once again. He looked at Dream Chaser’s flank, which he tried to cover with his tail.
“Haven’t found your special talent yet?” Smoke Storm asked. “You probably don’t have one.”
“Everypony has a special talent,” Dream Catcher piped up. “You should know that.”
“I’d like to show her my special talent,” Tough Love said, taking a step toward the filly. Smoke Storm looked her in the eyes sternly and she slunk back to the outer circle. Dream Chaser had stepped in front of Dream Catcher, attempting to shield her from the bullies. Smoke Storm turned and laughed at seeing his display of bravery.
“Don’t you look tough?” he laughed and took a step closer. The rest of the circle closed in as well, sensing the situation was reaching its climax. “Maybe your special talent is bruising.”
“Or bleeding,” Earth Bound added.
“Or crying,” Trash Picker said.
“Or bleeding,” Twenty-Twenty repeated.
They stopped to look at Twenty-Twenty and just shook their heads. It was the opportunity Dream Chaser had been waiting for. He spun around and bucked Smoke Storm in the snout with his hind legs as hard as he could. It was the stupidest thing he’d ever done, and he hoped it wouldn’t be the last.
“Run!” he shouted to Dream Catcher. She blinked in disbelief, as did the bullies: no one had ever stood up to them. “Run!” he repeated. She nodded and dodged between Trash Picker and Chewy, running back home.
“No!” Smoke Storm shouted and stopped Dream Chaser in his tracks. He faced Dream Chaser, with a stream of blood running down his snout, and ordered, “Kill him.”
Without time to think, Dream Chaser turned and bolted out of the circle, going further into the city. He’d never been this far from home and he had no idea where he was going. He passed by newsstands and confused onlookers as he attempted to put some distance between him and his pursuers. Smoke Storm was leading the pack and gaining ground fast.
“You’re fast, little pony,” Smoke Storm sneered, getting closer. “But my special talent just happens to be running.” Dream Chaser sprinted down a back alley lined with trash cans and garbage, which slowly began coming to life. Trash Picker was using his magic and began launching barrages of garbage into the air. Dream Chaser dodged them easily with his small size, but Smoke Storm was not as coordinated, and caught a bag to the face.
This was Dream Chaser’s chance to put some serious distance between them and himself, so he kicked into his next gear. He was now running faster than he’d ever been able to do inside, and he burst from the alley into an open street. Ponies watched in awe as he sprinted along; his legs nothing more than a blur. After what seemed like miles, he was sure he’d lost them. He began to slow down to a normal pace, looking around, trying to figure out exactly where he was.
Unfortunately for him, Smoke Storm knew exactly where he was. He’d cut through several back alleys and came out in front of Dream Chaser, who had been too busy looking back to notice, until it was too late. He tried to turn around, but five of the other bullies had caught up to him (Short Stack had been left in the dust at the start).
“You aren’t going to get your cutie mark by running away,” Smoke Storm said, spitting blood. They began closing in on him, and frantically, he looked around for a way out. There were brick walls to his left and right, and an alley a little ways up the street, but that would require getting past Smoke Storm.
He lowered his head and scratched the ground with his hoof, getting a chuckle out of Smoke Storm.
“So is that how it’s going to be?” he laughed, lowering his head as well. They charged at each other full speed, staring into the other’s eyes, looking for a sign of weakness. At the last moment, Dream Chaser pumped his legs and jumped over Smoke Storm’s head. As soon as he landed, he ran for the alley. He could hear Smoke Storm’s horseshoes tearing up the pavement as he skidded to a stop and turned to give chase once more.
The alley he’d gone down ended abruptly with a wooden fence, and he knew it was over. He now understood why his parents had told him to stay inside: it was safe there. Now, it was too late. He wouldn’t get to see them to apologize; he wouldn’t get to make any new friends; he wouldn’t get to see Dream Catcher, ever again.
“You lose, little pony,” Smoke Storm said, as he slowly made his way toward Dream Chaser. “No more dream chasing for you.” The other five ponies filed in after him, spreading out side by side. “Trash Picker, move this trash. I’m going to need a lot of room,” he said slowly. The bags of trash lifted into the air and formed a wall behind the bullies, keeping anyone who might be in the street from seeing the beating that was about to occur. Dream Chaser closed his eyes, finally giving up.
“Wait! Stop!”
He opened his eyes to see Smoke Storm shouting at Trash Picker and pointing at the fence. At the bottom was a very large hole, which had been filled with garbage bags until Trash Picker moved them. Without hesitation, Dream Chaser dove through it, coming out by a railroad bed where dozens of tracks intersected. He sprinted down the dirt hill toward the tracks, followed close behind by his pursuers. He watched a steam locomotive chugging toward him, white smoke billowing from its smokestack.
If he could get on the other side, maybe, just maybe, he could finally get away from them. He rushed at the train, knowing that just one slip up meant he was done for. The conductor of the train began blowing the whistle, trying to warn the six ponies on the tracks of the danger. Four of them heeded the warning and stopped to watch the other two test fate. Dream Chaser bounded over the track with time to spare, with his heart pounding and his legs aching.
Smoke Storm made it over the track by the hair of his tail and rushed to catch up with Dream Chaser, who had continued running. More trains were flowing through the merge bed and the tracks began shifting. Smoke Storm had almost caught up when something caught his horseshoe and he tripped, twisting his ankle.
“Help! Please help me!” he wailed.
Dream Chaser was already to the other side of the train bed when he heard the desperate cries. He saw Smoke Storm in the distance trying to tug his hoof loose from a section of track. Barreling up the same track was a freight train, driven by a conductor who was unaware of the situation. With no time to think, Dream Chaser ran back onto the tracks.
He’d never run so fast in his life before: never having had the room or the right motivation to do so. Time seemed to slow around him as he ran, with the trains slowing to a crawl, allowing him to pass in front of them. He reached Smoke Storm as the freight train was inches away. Without even thinking, he dove into him.
The force of the impact was enough to rip Smoke Storm’s horseshoe off, and they tumbled to the gravel between another set of tracks. The train went by and sparks flew up from the tracks. For a moment they just sat there between the passing trains, breathing heavily and not talking.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Smoke Storm said after a while. “Thanks.” He held his uninjured hoof out. They hoof-bumped and Dream Chaser went to stand up. “Hey, look,” Smoke Storm said, pointing to Dream Chaser’s flank. His cutie mark, three shooting stars, had finally appeared. “I guess I was wrong about you having no special talent after all. You’re even faster than me.”
All the trains finally passed and the other bullies crossed the tracks toward the two. Smoke Storm waved them off before they could attack and they stared in confusion.
“Yo, Smoke, what did he do to you?” Earth Bound asked, looking at his twisted ankle.
“He saved me is what he did,” Smoke Storm dazedly remarked as Earth Bound hoisted him up. “I owe this pony my life.” The bullies just looked at him, amazed at this turn of events. They then turned to look at Dream Chaser, their eyes zeroing in on his newfound cutie mark.
“But…we were going to hurt you. Why would you do something like that?” Trash Picker asked.
“Ain’t no pony never done nothin’ nice for us before,” Chewy said with a southern accent.
“Most won’t even give us the time of day,” Tough Love said.
“This…Pony…Nice,” Twenty-Twenty said, exerting himself. Dream Chaser didn’t know what to say, but they all looked at him expectantly.
“Th-Thank you,” he stammered. He blushed a bit and looked down at his hooves. He was exhausted both physically and mentally, never having run so far or so fast. He also knew his mother would likely be home soon, but he had no idea how to get back.
“No. Thank you,” Smoke Storm said, limping toward him with the aid of Earth Bound. “If there’s anything you need, anything at all, you let me know,” he said, putting his hoof on Dream Chaser’s shoulder. He smiled, then let the other four ponies lead him away, heading back toward the alley.
“Wait!” Dream Chaser shouted, running after them. They stopped and turned as he approached. “Can you help me get home? I don’t know where it is,” he said, desperately. His legs were shaking and his eyes began watering. He couldn’t help it: he was tired, sore, and didn’t know where he was. They looked to each other, and then smiled at him. Tough Love stepped forward and hoisted him onto her back. He rested his head against her neck and allowed his legs to rest.
They moved at a slow pace through the city, catching all sorts of weird looks as they walked. Clearly used to it, they kept their heads down and continued walking, but Dream Chaser looked right back. Most looked away and others smiled awkwardly, finding the sight of him riding on what they assumed was his big sister somewhat cute. For most of the ride, they didn’t talk, but when they went down a deserted road or alley, the outcast ponies shared their stories.
Smoke Storm had had abusive parents and Tough Love had never known hers. They were the oldest two of the outcasts. Earth Bound had been born with only one wing. His parents in Cloudsdale, ashamed, left him in an earth pony orphanage. Trash Picker and his family were very poor and jumped from shelter to shelter across the city. Chewy had lost all his friends when his family moved to the city and he found it hard to adapt. Twenty-Twenty’s story was difficult to understand and he broke down crying halfway through. They had to stop, letting him regain his composure before continuing.
As the sun was beginning to sink behind the skyscrapers, they emerged onto the street where their first confrontation had occurred. In the distance, they could see the neighborhood ponies still playing in the street, with some of their parents now supervising. Tough Love let him off her back and he walked toward the crowd. Dream Catcher was the first to meet him, as she’d been scanning the street since he’d run off, hoping he would return.
Smoke Storm and the others kept their distance, with Short Stack rejoining them as if he’d been there the whole time. They watched from afar as the other ponies ran up to greet Dream Chaser and admire his cutie mark. In the commotion, they slipped away unnoticed, going back to wherever they called home.
Cutting through the crowd of ponies now surrounding him, he could see his mother, her eyes worried and darting to and from each of the ponies, eventually landing on him.
“There you are! I told you to stay inside!” she scolded him, though her expression did not stay angry for very long, once he ran up to her and hugged her leg. She smiled and put her other hoof around his back, holding him close to her.
“Mom, I made some friends- and look!” he exclaimed, showing her his cutie mark. She flushed with pride and hugged him tighter. When she let go, he began introducing her to as many of the ponies as he could, now noticing Smoke Storm and the others had disappeared. He wanted to run after them, knowing he could catch them, but he couldn’t break away from the circle of attention.
After retelling the harrowing events of his day to the crowd, his mother made him say goodbye and led him inside. She grabbed the camera out of the hallway closet and snapped the picture that he was now holding between his hooves. For dinner, she made his favorite dish. When his father got home, Dream Chaser retold the whole story over again for him. His father couldn’t have been more proud as a parent, with a tear even coming to his eye.
That’s where the memory ended and Dream Chaser just sat on the floor, holding onto the old photo.
“Stop now. Just end on a happy memory,” the voice in his head whispered. “Remember last time?”
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Proofreading by TheRussianBrony
Objective review:
- Instead of "non stop", use "non-stop"
- Although this statement is unintentionally clever in it's attempt to suck the reader into his memory, I advise using memory verbs to describe a memory in this sentence:
Basically, the reader isn't able to tell whether he is sighing in the memory, or in his nostalgic review.
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Period instead of comma.
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Period instead of comma.
- Instead of pointing out all of the period instead of comma's I tell you the grammar rule. Always end a quote with a period. The only time you can end it with a comma is when you put the description in the middle of a quote, like so:
- Start a new paragraph here:
- New paragraph when there is a quote
- New paragraph
- New paragraph
- Run-on, break this sentence into two distinct descriptions of the two ponies.
- Him instead of 'her'
- Change
into "disbelief; so"
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New paragraph, and add a little more description with the quote. Did he cold-bloodedly utter the phrase? Did he shout it? Did he screech it? Did he howl in pain?
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Change the 'He' into 'Dream Chaser'
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You should describe the alley in more detail. Was it a creepy alley? Was it a quaint alley? Was it a little alley? Was it a depressing alley?
- New paragraph
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Change 'he'd' to 'he had'.
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Who is the 'he' that you are referring to?
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change the comma to a semicolon.
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I advise removing 'the right'.
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Replace the period after 'while' with a comma.
- New paragraph
- New paragraph
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If you're going to use lingo, put an apostrophe in ain't.
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Change to "friends, and"
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Change 'knew' to 'knowing'.
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Remove 'and', insert comma.
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Remove comma, insert period, capitalize Just.
Commas in the following:
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Plot review:
This was a good chapter overall, and I finally see where you are going with this story. The bullies seemed a little bit too easy to thwart. It would have been interesting to include a moment after the train fiasco, where the other bullies actually started beating up Dream Chaser, and Smoke Stack would have had a small period of introspection in which he would decide that Dream didn't deserve abuse. Other than pretty surface level identities of the bullies, I'd say it was fun to read on an idealistic standpoint.
Info:
I'm going on another camping trip tomorrow until Sunday, I'll do chapter three then. However, I have been seriously neglecting AP summer work, and need to quickly get all that bullshit out of the way, so I will need more time for the rest of your content.
--TheRussianBrony