Chapter Twelve- The Night I'd Rather Forget
Dream Chaser poked the elbow macaroni around his plate while his mind wandered. Slip Stream was going into excruciating detail about his day while his mother listened intently. She’d laugh and look over at Dream Chaser occasionally, and he’d smile before returning his eyes to his meal.
“—and then after we visited you, we were going to Mr. Chaser’s old neighborhood, but we got lost and found a carnival!”
Slip Stream went on to describe the rides he rode, and the prizes he didn’t win, claiming that the contests must have been rigged. Dream Chaser half listened as he chewed his meal.
“Is that so?” Sun Stream asked. She and Slip looked at Dream Chaser, waiting for a reply.
“Huh? Oh yeah, those bottles were definitely glued to the table… But, hey, what do you expect from a free carnival?” Dream Chaser answered. He received puzzled looks in response.
“No, Mr. Chaser, we were just talking about your old coach, the donkey,” Sun Stream said gently. The conversation had switched topics since Dream Chaser had last listened.
“Yeah! Tell her what he said!” Slip said excitedly. His expression was joyous, but his mother’s was worried. “You know— about me trying out for the team next year!”
Sun Stream looked over at Dream Chaser slowly and his eyes darted back to his plate. The macaroni stuck to the plate and he pried at it with his fork. “Yes. Um. Well,” Dream Chaser hesitated, searching for the right words, and continued cautiously, “the coach mentioned there may be an open slot on the roster in the spring.”
“He wouldn’t be competing in The Games though, would he?” she asked, her even tone indicating a statement rather than a question.
“Well, he’s very good. He’d probably make the roster with no problem,” Dream Chaser said cautiously, not daring to look up from his plate.
Slip Stream looked at his mother with a big smile on his face. “Please, Mom! Let me at least try out!”
“It would give him something to do after school,” Dream Chaser added. He didn’t want to come between the two of them, but at the same time, Slip was a talented colt; talent like that didn’t just appear every day. Perhaps Slip was starting to grow on him and he wanted to see him succeed at his dream, or perhaps it was just him wanting to live vicariously through the young colt. Either way, the fact remained that he had seen Slip smoke the other “professional” ponies and talent like that shouldn’t go to waste.
“We’ll see,” Sun Stream said at last. She looked out the window and saw the sun had already set. “It’s getting late, Mr. Chaser. Will you be staying the night again?”
“Look at her…she’s practically begging you to get in her bed.”
Dream Chaser turned so fast that his neck popped. Sitting on the couch behind him was Dream Catcher. She sat there, polishing her horseshoe, looking at it rather than Dream Chaser.
“Mr. Chaser?” Sun Stream asked with concern.
He turned back around when he felt her hoof upon his. “I should be going,” he said, trying to stand up. His legs gave out from under him and he fell to the floor with a thud. The muscle relaxants he’d taken before dinner had already kicked in, and he lay on the floor as Slip and Sun Stream rushed to his side.
“Mr. Chaser, are you okay?” Slip asked, getting right up into Dream Chaser’s face. The colt tried to help him back up, but wasn’t nearly strong enough to do so. His mother, however, had much experience in picking the stallion up off the floor, and she had him standing after a few moments.
“You’re staying,” she said, looking him firmly in the eyes.
“But I want to go home,” Dream Chaser said quietly.
“I will get you a coach in the morning. Now, come sit on the couch,” Sun Stream said. Dream Catcher was still sitting on the couch and watched as Dream Chaser was lead over next to her. He sunk into the cushion, focusing his eyes straight forward, refusing to look anywhere else.
Sun Stream walked back to the table and began bringing the dishes to the sink. Slip Stream walked into the kitchen to help his mother and they began whispering to one another.
“So why didn’t you go back to the old neighborhood today?” Dream Catcher asked, eyeing him hard. “You still know this city like the back of your hoof. You can’t tell me you got lost.”
“Go away,” Dream Chaser grumbled. He maintained his focus on the kitchen to make sure neither of the Streams could hear him.
“You remember how to get there right? Just go down Mane Street—”
“Shut up.”
“Take a left onto Old Sycamore—”
“Shut up.”
“Go past the cemetery your parents are buried in—”
“SHUT UP!”
Slip and Sun Stream stopped talking abruptly and looked out into the living room. They saw Dream Chaser looking furiously at the seat next to him, his teeth clenched and his nostrils flared.
“They never built anything where your house used to be. It’s still just a dirt lot with weeds growing over it. At least they were nice enough to tear down that eyesore after your mother died.” Dream Catcher was void of all emotion, with a calm, robotic voice and had absolutely no care for the anguish she was causing.
“I’m sorry— we’re just concerned for you is all,” Sun Stream said anxiously, thinking Dream Chaser’s outburst was directed at her. He turned to look back into the kitchen to see Slip Stream hiding behind his mother’s legs.
“No, I’m sorry, I wasn’t—” Dream Chaser tried to apologize. His words trailed off as he turned to see the seat next to him was empty.
“You don’t have to be sorry. We shouldn’t have been talking about you like that,” Sun Stream apologized. She turned back to the sink and continued washing dishes in silence. After that was done, she and Slip Stream went to the bathroom to give Slip his bath.
Dream Chaser remained on the couch, listening to the pouring water and occasional whispers from beyond the bathroom door. He kept looking around the apartment, half-expecting Dream Catcher to show up again to torment him. However, she did not make another appearance, thankfully, and he began drifting off to sleep.
When he next opened his eyes, he was not on the couch, but lying down in a very comfortable bed. The pillow against his head smelled of a feminine fragrance and he realized he was in Sun Stream’s bed. He turned, expecting to see the nurse on his other side, but only saw the wall of the apartment.
She’s practically begging you to get in her bed. Dream Catcher’s words rang through his head and he sat up to look around. The small room had only the bed, a night stand, and a bureau. Atop the nightstand were a few pictures of Slip Stream as a foal, and Dream Chaser nearly knocked them over as he got out of the bed. He steadied them with his hooves before making his way to the door.
Sun Stream was asleep on the pull-out bed where Dream Chaser should have rightfully been sleeping. She stirred slightly as Dream Chaser opened the door to leave the apartment.
He paused and waited for her to settle back down, but she opened her eyes to see him standing in the doorway.
“Dream Chaser?” she asked groggily. “Where are you going?” She rolled off the bed and approached the nervous stallion.
“I’ve been a big enough burden. I have to go,” he whispered, so as to not wake Slip Stream.
“You’re not going anywhere until morning,” she replied firmly. “Here, let me help you back to bed.” She eased his forearm around her shoulders and tried to drag him from the door.
“Please… I just want to go home,” Dream Chaser whimpered, resisting the nurse. He held onto the doorknob, pulling the door shut as he was dragged away. He went entirely limp and Sun Stream nearly fell to the floor with the addition of dead weight. Somehow, she managed to get him all the way back to her bedroom. She then threw him onto the bed like a sack of flour.
She looked down at him with a mixture of pity and concern as he lay there, not wanting to look at her. He was beginning to feel like a prisoner, similar to the first couple years he had spent in ICU wards.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Chaser, but I’m only doing this for your own good,” Sun Stream apologized as she tucked Dream Chaser back under the blankets. When she was done, she looked down at him again. “Would you like me to stay in here with you?”
Dream Chaser finally turned to look at his nurse and saw she was completely serious. He could hear Dream Catcher’s words again and he shook them from his head. “No, that’s okay, I’ll be fine,” he replied at last.
Sun Stream almost looked disappointed, but retained her professional appearance. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything,” she said as she turned to leave. She paused in the doorway, with her hoof upon the door knob; waiting, hoping, longing for Dream Chaser to change his mind.
“Um, Sunny,” he whispered.
She turned around slowly to look at him.
“Can you leave the door open?”
Sun Stream smiled and took her hoof off the door knob. She then returned to the couch-bed in the living room and attempted to get comfortable again. Once she was settled, she turned to look into her bedroom and saw Dream Chaser watching her. He snapped his eyes shut, hoping she hadn’t noticed, but of course, she had. She continued to look at him and waited another moment, and sure enough, Dream Chaser’s eyelids cracked open again.
He couldn’t hide the fact he was looking at her, so he rolled over onto his side to hide his embarrassment. He listened as Sun Stream rolled over, hoping she would fall back asleep soon. Unbeknownst to him, instead of attempting sleep, she stayed up, staring at the apartment door. She lay and listened for a while until she was sure Dream Chaser had finally fallen back to sleep. Only then did she allow herself to sleep as well.
Sun Stream awoke the next morning with a beam of sunlight shining in her face. She rubbed her eyes and looked around the apartment. Her bedroom door was still open, but the bed was empty. After a quick look around the apartment, she found both Dream Chaser and his medication were gone.
--------------------------------------
When Dream Chaser awoke the next morning, he found himself in his own bed, in his own home. The puddle of vomit he’d left before his hospital visit had graciously been cleaned up by Mrs. Prism. His memory box had been tucked back beneath his bed with all of its contents still inside.
He rolled out of bed uncomfortably and recalled his long walk home. His legs were searing with pain and he unsuccessfully tried to walk it off. His prescription container was sitting on the kitchen table and he removed his A.M. pills. He went to the bathroom sink and found the light bulb had been replaced in his absence.
A knock came at the door and Dream Chaser feared it was Sun Stream coming to look for him. He quickly downed his pills with a gulp of tap water and snuck to the front door. A mail mare was standing on the other side of the door and tried knocking again. Just as she turned to leave, Dream Chaser opened the door.
“Wait, do you have something for me?” he shouted before the Pegasus mare could take flight. She stopped flapping her wings and turned to look at Dream Chaser.
“If you’re THE Dream Chaser, then yes, I do,” she said, taking an envelope out of her mail bag. She looked him over, even though there was no question of his identity. “Have a nice day!” She shouted as she flapped her wings once again and kicked off after Dream Chaser took the envelope.
He walked back inside and shut the door, looking over the envelope skeptically. It was addressed to him, but he didn’t recognize the return address. There was no pony out in Coltafornia he’d ever known.
He tore open the top and fished out the contents, expecting junk mail or a credit card offer. Instead, he removed four tickets and a neatly hoof-written letter.
Dear Mr. Chaser,
It has been quite some time since our last encounter. I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for your unfortunate mishap at The Games all those years ago. It was a true tragedy. I was reminded recently of your situation by an oh-so-charming mare. Enclosed are two train tickets from Manehatten to the Crystal Empire, set to leave the day prior to The Games, and of course, two tickets to The Games themselves; one for you, and one for that lovely mare of yours.
I hope that you can put the past behind you, and come out to enjoy the show. And remember, if there is ever anything you need, you can always ask.
Sincerely,
Nova Star
Dream Chaser let the letter and the tickets fall out of his hoof as he read the name of the sender. He slumped against the door and closed his eyes.
“Excuse me, you need to keep moving,” a voice said.
Dream Chaser opened his eyes to see a mustached stallion with a monocle looking at him impatiently. Well-dressed ponies passed him on both sides as he stood frozen on the carpet. He looked around in confusion, trying to figure out where he was.
His apartment had been replaced by a banquet hall of some sort. There were glorious marble pillars, intricate tapestries, stunning chandeliers…and crystals…lots of crystals.
“Come on, we’re holding up the line,” a voice to Dream Chaser’s left said, and he felt a gentle push. He turned to see Dream Catcher smiling as they strode into the hall together. She wore an elegant dress and her hair was done up with several blue ribbons.
Together, they made their way to a large open area where the majority of the crowd was gathering. Crystal ponies made their ways in and out of the crowd, all the while serving fancy glasses of bubbling beverages. There was only one time Dream Chaser had seen crystal ponies before, and that was at—
“Welcome, everypony, to the Equestria Games Banquet!”
All the ponies in the hall turned their attention to the balcony above, where Princess Cadence was standing. Dream Chaser stood in awe, not realizing every pony, with the exception of himself, had dropped to bow. When the audience rose, the alicorn princess looked out over them; her eyes stopping on Dream Chaser for a moment in silent contemplation.
“I would like to thank all the athletes for coming all this way for what will be one of the most important Games in Equestrian history. Please enjoy our hospitality, and good luck in tomorrow’s events.”
The crowd cheered as the alicorn made her way back to her private quarters, and the din of the hall resumed. Dream Chaser made his way through the crowd until he came to a table piled high with exotic foods. He eyed a particularly shiny red fruit and memory flooded back to him.
This is where I first met Nova Star.
Dream Chaser reached for the fruit, only to have it levitated away from him in a blue aura of magic. It was no surprise to him when he turned and saw several members of Coltafornia Athletics approaching him. A chalkboard-colored unicorn stallion led the pack and levitated the fruit towards him.
“What do you think you’re doing, you Manehatten trash?” the stallion asked angrily. “Don’t you know this table is for Coltafornia athletes?” He indicated to a large tapestry above the table with Coltafornia’s crest upon it.
“It was my mistake, I’m sorry,” Dream Chaser apologized. Before he could turn and walk away, the fruit was levitated back toward him, this time in a green aura.
“Don’t worry about it, friend.” Nova Star pushed through the other athletes, his horn glowing green as he offered the fruit to Dream Chaser. “There’s more than enough food here.”
Dream Chaser let the fruit fall into his hooves and looked up at Nova Star with contempt. The unicorn only smiled back, and went on to speak as if reading from a script.
“That’s right, I’m THE Nova Star, and you must be that stallion out of Manehatten I’ve been hearing all about.” Nova Star paused before he and his fellow athletes began laughing. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t sign autographs for my competition.”
Dream Chaser realized the memory was set in stone and was going to play out exactly as it had ten years ago. Uh, what did I say next? Oh yeah. I took a bite of this nasty thing. He looked down at the fruit he held in his hoof and wrinkled his nose before taking a big bite. It was just as bad as he remembered and he began spitting the seeds out.
“Pomegranate; delicious, isn’t it?” Nova Star laughed. Dream Catcher poked her head through the athletes and pushed through when she saw Dream Chaser.
“Were you really so hungry that you just had to take off without saying anything?” she asked angrily, walking right up to the gagging stallion. The athletes she’d pushed through all tilted their heads for a better look at the mare. Nova Star gave them a glare and motioned for them to leave. They slunk off, leaving just Nova Star with the couple.
“And who is this charming mare?” Nova Star asked, walking up and taking Dream Catcher’s hoof. He kissed it and looked at her with a grin.
Dream Chaser fumed as Dream Catcher blushed slightly. “This is MY marefriend, Dream Catcher,” he replied, putting his forearm around her.
“I see,” Nova Star said, a little disappointed. “Well, it was lovely meeting you two, but I must attend to some business.” He gave a bow before turning to stride off, and disappeared into the crowd.
Dream Catcher rested her head against Dream Chaser’s shoulder and looked up at him with her beautiful emerald eyes. “I love it when you get defensive,” she whispered. He smiled at her and they strode through the crowd together.
The Manehatten tapestry hung way in the back of the banquet hall, and Coach Hardline was under it, looking around impatiently. He was wearing his ugly, olive green suit and fedora, and could be seen from a mile away. The other athletes stood around conversing and eating from the table, which Dream Chaser couldn’t help but notice was half the size of Coltafornia’s.
“Get over here, Tail Chaser!” the coach shouted when he spotted the stallion. “Not your honey, though,” he waved his hoof at Dream Catcher. “This is official Games business.”
Dream Catcher looked slightly offended, but gave Dream Chaser a peck on the cheek before slipping back into the crowd. She went off to socialize with a small group of mares sipping from crystal glasses.
What did I say here? Oh yeah, “What can I do for you, Coach Hard Ass?” The donkey glared at Dream Chaser as his fellow athletes snickered behind him.
“You’ll be doin’ push-ups for that,” the coach growled. “Anyway, don’t go doin’ anythin’ stupid tonight. No drinkin’, no pickin’ fights, and no stayin’ up too late with that filly of yours.”
“Okay, Dad,” Dream Chaser replied sarcastically. He got another snicker from the other athletes. “Is there anything I should do?”
“I ain’t done with the don’ts yet!” the coach said angrily. “Don’t go showin’ off that special talent of yours, don’t take any food or drink given to you, and don’t make me repeat myself!”
A crystal pony walked by with a tray of champagne and Dream Chaser snatched a glass. “No promises,” he said to his coach, and downed the liquid. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think Nova Star is hitting on my honey again.”
Dream Chaser trotted off, leaving his coach in angry disbelief, with his teammates laughing uproariously. No matter what Dream Chaser did or didn’t do, the coach was well aware that he would just have to deal with whatever happened as it came. After all, he knew it would be unwise to cut the fastest stallion he’d ever seen from the team. He just hoped Dream Chaser wasn’t dumb enough to pick a fight with Nova Star of all ponies.
Nova Star had not re-approached Dream Catcher after all. He was instead surrounded by adoring fans, the press, and sponsors, who wanted to plaster his face on anything and everything. He basked in the attention, loving every moment of it. He’d been the center of attention all his life. The only foal of his wealthy parents, he was bred and raised to be the best of the best. Winning his first race at just seven-years-old, he went on to conquer all the minor leagues by age nine. At ten-years-old, he became the youngest racer to ever take an Equestria Games Title.
Dream Chaser grew up idolizing Nova Star, wanting to be just like him. He had posters, trading cards, and action figures, and anything else his parents could find that had the unicorn’s likeness on it. Every time he would run, he’d pretend he was Nova Star, winning yet another race. And so his dream of being right up there with the champion began.
“Dream Catcher!” Dream Chaser shouted when he finally saw the white mare among the crowd. She turned to him and beckoned for him to join her. He trotted over to the group of mares Dream Catcher was socializing with.
“Hmm, so is this Manehatten’s golden hero? The Dream Chaser, yes?” a blue unicorn mare asked, taking a sip of her champagne. Based upon her air and manners, with her nose held as high as the ceiling, she seemed to be a Canterlot mare. “There’s been big talk of you; some say you may even beat Nova Star.”
Dream Chaser smiled and rubbed his neck. “Well, I—”
“I am not one of them, however,” the mare interrupted, smiling stiffly. She took another sip from her glass and waited for a reply.
Before he could say anything, a roar of laughter came from the large group gathered around Nova Star. He had just told the punch-line of one of his prepared jokes, and he grinned at his audience. Several ponies on the second floor gathered at the balcony to look down at the champion.
Dream Chaser looked up at the balcony, spying a Pegasus mare holding a bundle of cloth, her body right up against the railing. Another laugh came from Nova Star’s crowd, and more ponies rushed to the balcony for a look. An intoxicated stallion bumped into the mare that Dream Chaser had been watching, causing the bundle of cloth to tumble out of her hooves.
“My foal!” she shouted, and every pony in the hall turned to see the newborn plummeting towards the floor. Dream Chaser sprinted through the horrified crowd, determined to save the foal. Nova Star had also made a bid at being the hero, but was slowed by the ponies frozen in fear all around him.
The foal was crying as it fell, and Dream Chaser knew he wouldn’t be able to catch it unless he ran faster. Using every ounce of strength he had, he kicked his legs harder. It was just like the incident with Smoke Storm and train; time had slowed all around him. The foal was hovering just inches off the floor and he raced towards it. Nova Star was still yards away, and his face was frozen with a look of despair. The crowd had stopped all together, and the screaming and crying was replaced with silence.
Dream Chaser dove and brought the foal to his chest as he tumbled across the floor. Time resumed and he slid up against a marble pillar, attempting to shield the foal with his forearms. He lay there, breathing heavily, not daring to move. The bundle of cloth stirred, and he looked to see a little filly smiling up at him.
The hall remained dead silent as Dream Chaser got to his hooves. He looked around at the stares he was receiving. None believed he’d actually made the catch until he presented the uninjured foal. A roar of cheers and applause erupted throughout the hall.
The foal’s parents shoved their way to the front of the rapidly gathering crowd around Dream Chaser. The mother took the child and held it to her body, sobbing with joy. The father, one of the Cloudsdale athletes, grabbed Dream Chaser in a powerful embrace.
More than half the hall was now gathered around Dream Chaser. The sponsors, the fans, the press… every pony that had made up Nova Star’s audience was now surrounding Dream Chaser.
He spent hours posing for pictures, shaking hooves, and answering personal questions. Dream Catcher was right by his side, and so was Coach Hardline. The donkey smiled and spoke fondly of the stallion, but Dream Chaser knew that deep inside he was furious.
Nova Star had slipped out during the commotion, but his absence went mostly unnoticed. The evening carried on and it was hours before Dream Chaser could break away to use the bathroom. He found his way to the lavatories and locked himself inside a stall. The bathroom door opened and a slow set of hoof steps walked across the linoleum.
“Mr. Chaser,” a gruff voice said. It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. Some pony had followed him. “Mr. Star would like a word with you.”
Dream Chaser remained silent and after a few moments the hoof steps made their way back out the bathroom door. He sighed, and nervously went about his business. He exited the stall and washed his hooves in one of the crystal sinks before leaving the bathroom. A very large stallion with a shaved head and a black suit stood outside the door.
“This way,” the stallion said, opening the fire escape door. Outside was Nova Star, taking a long drag on a cigarette. Dream Chaser walked through the door and it slammed shut behind him.
“Mr. Chaser, I’m glad you could find some time to see me,” Nova Star said, flicking his butt onto the ground.
“Yeah, it’s not a problem…what’s up?” Dream Chaser asked, a bit confused. Nova Star approached Dream Chaser and he could smell the liquor on his breath.
“Oh, I just wanted to congratulate you on the fantastic catch you made earlier. You sure made me look bad, but naw, good for you.”
Dream Chaser squinted at the unicorn. “I didn’t do it for the attention; I did it to save a life. And you had plenty of time to use your magic to—”
“I do not trust my magic as much as my legs! What if I’d cast the wrong spell; what if I missed; what if the foal was magic intolerant—I couldn’t take any of those chances!”
“Look, I’m sorry for stealing your glory, I—”
“Oh, but it’s not just about you stealing my glory, it’s how you did it,” Nova Star interrupted. “What kind of spell did you use to run that fast? Because if you use that in tomorrow’s events, I will have you disqualified.”
“What, no, it wasn’t a spell, it was—”
“A sonic rainboom? Ha! Only pegasi can perform those, and even then, there’s only one in the last thousand years that has!”
“A sonic-what? Just listen to me! I’ve always been able to run that fast. It’s just my special talent.” Dream Chaser showed Nova Star his cutie mark and the unicorn scoffed.
“I’m only gonna tell you this once,” Nova Star teetered as he glared into Dream Chaser’s eyes, “I’m the fastest. I’m the king. I’m the Alpha and the Omega, and you? You’re just some colt from Manehatten.”
Nova Star took a step back from Dream Chaser and brushed his mane back into place. He then levitated a flask out of his suit pocket and took a quick drink. The sound of crickets echoed all around the building and the noise from within was barely audible. The moon shone down on the two stallions as they exchanged looks.
The drunken unicorn pocketed his flask and stumbled toward Dream Chaser again. “You should take my advice and just forfeit now. You don’t want to mess with me, Chaser.”
“Oh, I’m going to compete,” Dream Chaser replied, pushing Nova Star away. “I’ve always been chasing this dream of competing against you, but my dream now is to beat you.”
Nova Star stumbled forward and pinned Dream Chaser against the building. “You will never beat me,” he whispered. His blood-shot eyes struggled to maintain contact with Dream Chaser’s, and eventually began drifting downward.
“I’m going to,” Dream Chaser replied firmly. Nova Star’s eyes shot back up and he grinned.
“Tell you what, you come back to my place, have a few drinks, and see if you can walk, never mind race, after I’m through with you.” The drunken stallion licked his lips and Dream Chaser shoved him away in disgust. The fire exit burst open and Dream Catcher stuck her head out.
“There you are!” she shouted, yanking Dream Chaser toward her. She hadn’t even noticed Nova Star standing in the shadows. “Come on, I want to dance!”
“My offer still stands, Chaser,” Nova Star said. Dream Catcher stopped to look for the source of the voice, but Dream Chaser pulled her along, back inside. He slammed the door shut behind him and turned to look at his marefriend.
“Was that Nova Star?” Dream Catcher asked, trying to look back out the window. “What offer was he talking about? Were you making business? Ooh, it’s so exciting we got to meet him!”
Dream Chaser remained silent as they walked back into the banquet hall. A live band was performing a slow ballad, and the lights had been turned down low. The crystals of the hall made dazzling shapes of light reflect over the dancing couples below. Dream Chaser allowed himself to be led to the center of the crowd for everypony to see.
Dream Catcher rested her head on his shoulder and swayed to the beat of the band. Soon enough, they were back at their hotel room, and Dream Chaser realized he’d done everything his coach had told him NOT to do. He laid his head next to Dream Catcher’s and closed his eyes with a smile on his face.
“Mr. Chaser?”
The voice from reality shook Dream Chaser awake. He was still in his apartment, lying up against the front door. The letter and tickets were still scattered out in front of him. He tried to reach forward for them, but suddenly the door he was resting against opened. He tumbled backwards, out onto the doorstep and stared up at the sky. Slip Stream and his mother were looking down at him in shock.
“Are you okay?” Sun Stream asked, helping him back to his hooves.
Dream Chaser rubbed his head and looked around before answering, “I think so. What are you doing here?” He didn’t have to ask because he already knew why.
“Well, when we woke up and you weren’t there, we had to come make sure you made it home okay.”
“You missed out on pancakes,” Slip added in. He peeked past Dream Chaser and into his apartment curiously.
“We brought you some groceries. I know you probably haven’t had a chance to go shopping,” Sun Stream said, holding out a brown bag from the supermarket. “May we come in?”
Dream Chaser tried to block the doorway with his body. “Um, it’s a mess right now, I’d rather you didn’t.” In actuality, Mrs. Prism had cleaned the apartment in its entirety during his absence.
“We’ll only be a minute,” Sun Stream said softly. Slip Stream slipped in past Dream Chaser, galloping right over the envelope and its contents. “Slip! Get back here!”
Before the overly-excited colt returned, Dream Chaser managed to pick up the empty envelope and the letter from Nova Star. However, he couldn’t get to the tickets in time before Slip tried to help. The young colt’s eyes lit up when he realized just what he had helped pick up, what he was now holding in his hooves.
“Are these real?!” Slip squealed in a pitch almost too high for the pony ear to comprehend, holding the tickets up to the light. Sun Stream walked into the apartment and looked at the tickets Slip held in his hooves. She turned slowly to Dream Chaser, but found herself unable to speak.
The stallion looked from her, then down to the joyous colt. “They’re real…Happy Birthday.”
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I know I've said this the last few times but I'll say it again. Slip is adorable!!! *near inaudible squeal* the story always has me curious over what'll happen and slips cuteness level just adds to it so much.
3618548
I can thank my editor for that. A female perspective really helps when writing children.
Hello again Mr. Draft, I just finished reading chapter 12 of this story, along with an almost completed review of the content so far. Although it has already reached a slighty big post size, so I was wondering rather you would prefer review a comment here, or a private message? Don't worry at all, the review is positive of course
3623521
Well, if it's a good review, post here for all to see!
3623526
Alright, I shall post review in the morning so that I can look over my reading and make sure nothing of notable mentioning goes missed.
P.S. Happy
Kindness day!
Overall review:
Although this can't obvious be accurate towards your final product, I will try my best to express my view on what I have read. The story is lovely, and obviously has had the equal effort (of not more) then a real well-written novel you can buy at the bookstore. The story starts out lighthearted for his memories, then heading back to the "bad" present, but then shifts to the present slowly turning into a lighthearted one, with a rough way of arriving there. The story also takes routes I could never have guessed coming, which is good to see, since I for one love a story that is unpredictable while still making sense, and keeping the emotion in there. Also, especially as of this moment, there are plenty of questions we as readers do have, like "Is Dream Catcher really there mocking him?" and "What happened to his family, and Dream Catcher?" and all sorts of other mysterious things that will defiantly keep me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next installment, which I am sure will be just as wonderful, given you still put the same effort into it. Another detail I am really enjoying is your ability to project the surroundings of the character so well; I felt as if I could see the entire world surrounding Mr. Chaser as the story goes. As for suggestions, I can only say this, keep up the good work my friend, and never be afraid of taking your time!
I do have one question that is something more of your opinion, if anything.
As shown by multiple examples in the story, the ponies here have electricity for things like TV, lights, and other things, have they had this for a long time? And is it powered by magic, or another clean alternative?
Alas, along with this wonderful story I found a couple of things that came to me as strange, so here is what I found questionable, but might in reality be me overlooking the big picture.
Chapter 7:
In the sentence, "He could smell her lilac scent, and feel her warmth as she cuddled close to him." I'm curious over the word "lilac" because after double checking the definition, I got "1. Any of a genus of shrubs and trees of the olive family; esp.: a European shrub widely grown for its showy clusters of fragrant pink, purple, or white flowers.2. A moderate purple." Or in other words, I've seen it described before as a noun for both a color, and a type of plant, but I am rather confused as to how it can be used as an adjective. Could you mind explaining this to me, if it's alright?
Chapter 8:
In the small sentence "Excuse me who?" said by Nova Star on the Ruby Ringer show, I was curious, should there be a comma between me and who, thus saying "Excuse me, who?"
This is truly a fine story, and I am happy to have read it, and cannot wait to read more. Thank you Final Draft and I thank your editor as well, for such a well-written piece of literature.
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I assumed 'lilac' referred to the scent itself, i.e. she smelt of lilacs. Although, it is a confusing way to phase that.
Did he just.. he did, brb dying irl.
This story its amazing
You are amazing
Your editor is amazing
Slip is adorable.
This story needs at least 300 more likes, it's a shame a story of this quality was passed up.
I need more adjectives besides amazing.
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Thank you for all the wonderful words of praise. I have the next chapter nearly finished, hopefully posting it tomorrow.
When you first submitted this to the Library, I rejected it on the grounds that there were too many errors in your grammar to allow it in. You worked your tail off and submitted it a second time.
A contributor rejected it again because they did not find it interesting, which I can understand.
HOWEVER.
You went back and fixed the original rejection reason. I put down my conditions for what you would need to do to get added, and you met them.
You, sir, are the perfect example of what I expect from authors who get rejected and wish to resubmit. Therefore, I am happy to welcome you to the fold.
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Wear it with pride;
-Lumino
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This means so much to me, thank you.
Love this!!! YAY