• Member Since 14th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 30th, 2016

Mr Blu Shy


T

Chrysalis is being chased through the forest by Timber Wolves and has no hope, until she is saved by a human called Ryo, who she does not understand. However, the two get along and help each other until the day Ryo is foretold to die, which is in two weeks.


Credit goes to fiendaffliction at derpibooru.org for picture.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

Ok the idea sounds good sucks that this isn't longer, but hmm it feels really rushed when it first started and felt rushed near the end of ryus side as well
I suggest a prereader to help you there's a few awekward sentences like the way you tried to describe the forust rushing past chrystalis when she was running from the timberwolves
And also curious if ryu can't understand the mane6 then carry on, but if ryu can understand them shouldnt he be able to understand chrystalis as well?

This is just some (hopefully) helpful criticism to help your story along better xP

As I said before good idea execusion could have been better.

While it is rushed just a tini-bit I still like the idea of the story. :pinkiecrazy:however the fact that they can can't understand each other verbally but only by writing is a bit confusing. The pony language is verbally English (equestrian) but they don't have an alphabet they have hieroglyphics of sorts ,so the hieroglyphics would have to be taught to the guy.:unsuresweetie: but I will follow anyway !:yay::heart:

Keep going this great:heart:

I just lost it, what happened ?

2994287 what do you mean?
Ryo saved Chrysalis, took her to the library and has been revealed to die in two weeks.

Login or register to comment