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Chapters (10)
Nightwatcher
Joined 15th Mar, 2012 ·
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Neat, tracking.
You really ought to highlight, bold, or do Something to distinguish the location and/or time of the scene. Example: Instead of "Hangar" you could put something like
LAUNCH BAY
UEGS FORMIDABLE
Sol System
0900 Hours Local Time
Also, the rather random spacing between the codex is kinda jarring.
Regardless of grammatical errors and aesthetic errors, prose seems alright, and premise is interesting (I'm a big fan of science fiction). I just hope this isn't one of those times where Humanity is so ridiculously powerful it kills the atmosphere and tension in the story. And I'm hoping there is a villain.
Wait... Didn't this story already have 2 parts?
1387660 It is a re-write
1387656I did do that but when i got to MS word to spell check it all goes away
will up-date, and yes humanity did come across as powerful, as for a good villain...you have to wait-n-see
1388144
I see... Well, I don't understand what wrong with the old one, but ok!
1388156
Ah I see. I've read so many space opera's, it just seems fundamentally wrong that it isn't there.
1388173I was writing myself into a wall, I know because its happened to me before
1388184
Read the previous story, it provides a lot of context for what will happen in this story. It is quite intriguing and plausible. This could be quite an original take on the origin story.
1388286 I have big plans for this story, and the way it ties into TGITS. Trust me.
Somehow I think that the humans will kill all the ponies.
1446206
This is a prequel to another story this author wrote so...apparently not.
The ponies are quite alive then.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/363/453/f84.jpg
1446464 hahaha thx.
1446475
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/216/411/8QmIp.gif
Wait... probe? The old version of this story didn't include no probe. Doesn't matter... right? It's just a simple probe, they can't be better then the humans... no... silly me... *Starts hyperventilating*
This is similar to 'Falling Skies' right?
1446940 Falling Skies' is a completely separate story, not connected in any way, the only thing that is the same is the humans.
Anyone else getting Deja Vu or is it just me?
1447353
What's with the probe, than?
Is it a from another alien civilization?
this is awesome cant wait to see what happens
Hmm, interesting. I also see you've gotten yourself an editor, once more I apologize that it isn't me.
1480817 more the merrier, u got google doc. ?
1480835
I do not, and I still don't really have a lot of time besides in my tech class and on weekdays. I am however willing to hear your proposal.
Did he die?
3.bp.blogspot.com/-U-WaFgiXzYM/UFXS2U4UtzI/AAAAAAAAC-4/LZXLuHvPYnY/s320/batman-thumbs-up.gif
Woooahhhh that image cover, its just so awsome..... do you have any idea what that is and what it does.
This story is goin on the read later list.
1481089 It's a dyson sphere, a artificial planet, its inside and outside is hibital.
Very interesting, curious to see what the changelings have in store for him.
In the beginning of your story, the word is "reticule" not "ridicule". Or at least I think thats what you were referring to. Otherwise good story.
OH SHIT NIGGERS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DUN DUN DUN!
... O Snap.
i.imgur.com/L5fbb.gif
Oooooooh shit, gettin' sexy up in here.
Fuck yes, Chrysalis!
I assume they will modify her genes?
The great
OH SNAP
moment of our time.
DUN dun
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
5/5. Amazing job with that plot, twist.
Wait, now I'm just confused... Was it not the humans who gave the ponies horns to control magic? Or did they just copy it from the changelings, meaning that changelings were originally the master species or race, not sure which one is correct in this position.
Damn that queen is freakier than the Xenomorph's queen.
Oh well, at least she knows how powerful we are. Chrysalis, adorable little bug creature and centuries later she's attacking Canterlot. Weird how time changes things.
1513855 You'll have to wait and see
I really like this story so far. most of all the "Ponies are smart because humans played gods" aspect, and of course adorable Chrysalis.
My favorite part so far would be when the Chairman said this:
"Look at what we can do Doctor. We can create planets, We can create stars, fire in its most primal form."
"We are the gods now Doctor, gods without a flock."
Very good chapter and the scene with green eyes reminded me of the movie Prometheus
BTW: I hope that the hurricane is NOT getting as strong as they say, so I wish you good luck
Pretty interesting, I forgot to say this last chapter, but I love the fact that the huge ass changeling is terrified of the humans. Also, stupid! stupid! stupid! humans. I'm guessing that giving them sapience will cause problems? One more question, the higher Alicorns can still die correct? Because when correcting your last story; that was one part that I did not like. as I'm quite sure Celestia can still be killed by the humans. If not by raw firepower, there's not a lot she can do against nanites taking apart her body on a sub atomic level.
I just realized that I never commented on this! And I've been proofreading your work too! Sorry about that...
So yeah, great story and I look forward to helping out with it.
1529542 No shit they made her.
Sweet.Hope Sandy doesn't do any harm to you.
1537341
I was commenting on the previous story where Lyra INSISTED that Celestia and Luna are as god-like as they can get, without being killed. Nightwatcher might have changed it by now, but that's how it used to be in the old story.
1537479 If you even read the first story you found out the AI they found can take away all the pony magic the AI was made by humans go figure.
1537526
Must we really do this? Yes, I have read The Gods in the Stars. If would look at the last paragraph on chapter 3, which states:
This implies that higher alicorns could not die, chapter 4 even went further to solidify this; however, I can see that chapter 4 has been changed to say that they could, in fact die. I suppose I am at fault here for not checking the edited version of the previous story, sorry.
1537566
I love how you ignored what i said in my post oh well 