The Tree on Top of the Hill

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Applejack doesn't show up for the picnic, and Twilight's friends aim to find out why.

Meanwhile, Applejack dreams of the past.

Conceived while listening to One Summer's Day by Evening Star

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 17 )

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Comment posted by PenileCorrectionSurgery deleted Jun 13th, 2013

Pearple Prose

Pearple Prose #2 · Jun 12th, 2013 · · ·

2713822 yay, mah first comment

Craine

Craine #3 · Jun 12th, 2013 · 1 · ·

... ...

Because honesty compels a full review, it's with a heavy heart that I give you one.

This... This wasn't your best work. The majority of this was a bit too 'tell-y'. Most of the emotions that were supposed to capture and entice were... empty. As I read, I tried to be involved with the characters. I. Had. To. Try. But I couldn't. In fact, the only one I felt any connection with was Rainbow Dash. Which irked me, 'cause the focus was on my favorite pony (I swear, if that was intentional, I will end you).

And for some reason, I saw it again: the 'pearple prose' (your move). While not as thick in this piece, it glared into my soul whenever it popped up. Just... Blargh. One thing that piqued the old curiosity, though; I noticed a slight change in style at the last scene change. Then again, I'm an over-analytical jackass. The ending turned me off... No, I'm not sugarcoating this. I kept asking myself, 'Wtf is Twilight on? Morphine?'

Now then. Release you held breath, 'cause here comes the praise.

The character interactions were easy to get into. At the very least, you captured their chemistry. I very much enjoyed Rainbow and Twi's little side-convo. I chuckled at Discord's little mention. This story didn't lack for surprises either. And I must say, Fluttershy yelling for Applejack's attention had my brows raised to my scalp. The concept behind the tree was actually intriguing. It had an 'Avatar' feeling to it. Thick and meaningful. Holding memories that matter more than time itself.

Yes, I caught what ya did there.

All in all, it was an average read. A 5/10 score. Because you made Applejack sad... Beast.

Pearple Prose

Pearple Prose #4 · Jun 12th, 2013 · · ·

2714026 Ouch. Ah well, you win some, you lose some I suppose.

Thanks for the honesty, it means a lot

Craine

Craine #5 · Jun 12th, 2013 · · ·

2714030

Of course, of course. You did mention it was an overnight project. Mine was too, if you recall. What I'm really anticipating is you current project. That, I know, will be brilliant. Keep me posted. I'll be waiting.

Craine...

Smoku

Smoku #6 · Jun 13th, 2013 · · ·

I actually thought that the cover was a picture of Fluttershy after she was turned into a tree at first.

Pearple Prose

Pearple Prose #7 · Jun 13th, 2013 · 1 · ·

2714062 Okay, I'm fully awake now, and I realise what I did wrong:

I forgot to read back through it. Shouldn't have rushed this, could've been so much better.

Anyway, I'm glad that I uploaded this now, cos I can use it to make sure that my next project isn't gonna be terrible. Optimism!

Comment posted by LewisClark deleted Nov 26th, 2013

TheFIMguru

TheFIMguru #9 · Jun 13th, 2013 · · ·

Well, I personally liked it a lot, but I completely agree with Craine on the points he mentioned that could be better. I reckon it would be worth your while to give it an edit, but that's up to you. Have a moustache

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