Just another beginning writer trying to get some practice and feedback. Maybe someday I'll even write a story that isn't about Applejack!
When a pony has a problem, who would they possibly turn to but the dependable and honest Applejack? The only trouble is that, when it's a problem that can't be muscled into submission, Applejack sometimes finds herself at a loss. Through her desire to be a good friend, she learns a little something about her Element.
Missing Tag: Uplifting/Inspirational... something in that vein.
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I loved this.
The only things I can possibly correct are matters of creative execution. I have deemed those nuisances to be out of my reach when it comes to a healthy critique.
I might be a little biased on the wealth of good this story has, as I believe Pinkie and AJ to be the best of the Mane Six. Regardless, there's no way I'm able to critique this story from a bare-bones, grammar nut, fault-finding standpoint. It wasn't overbearing in feels or lacking in sense of character. It was placed so well that I watched the entirety of the tale happen in my head. You've also made this quite the inspirational example.
Wonderfully done, friend. I'm looking forward to reading your other works.
I approve of this. A good story with a good lesson behind it, especially when it fleshes out AJ a bit more since the Honesty thing makes her a bit 2-dimensional in my opinion.
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Thank you for your critique, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm hoping that whole creative execution part will become better with practice.
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I really wish they'd do more with AJ in the show... so much wasted potential, IMO. It's probably why I'm so determined to do well by her in my fics.
Awesome story, my friend! I felt like it flowed very nicely, and I could really hear the voices of the characters speaking in my head. I thought you did a wonderful spin on the Voice of Honesty. What a clever idea!! I can't wait to read more!
4404341
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the favorite!
Everything seems fine. Close to very good on an intermediate level. But the moral...
You have to elaborate more about this Honesty-Kindness relationship. As far as I know, Big Macintosh isn't exactly the kindness type but moreover the sensitive type. (Well either way, he's still a fine subject.) If Applejack interacted with Fluttershy instead of Big Macintosh, the Kindness-Honesty would make sense.
Kind and hope isn't exactly the same thing. You can be kind by telling the truth, but that could mean taking away hope. You could give hope, but lying might be at the expense. On occasions, being kind and truthful might bring hope, but I don't certainly see it clearly in here though...
Overall, it's a nice short read.
Sigh. I wish you'd picked another ailment for Pinkie Pie. For one thing, Pinkie-Pie-with-diabetes has been done a lot. For another, it is NOT TRUE that people get diabetes from eating too much sugar. It isn't. Eating too much sugar--or fat--or too much of anything, really--can make you overweight, and THAT can make you prone to diabetes, and for some reason sugary drinks have a high correspondence to diabetes, but eating sugar = diabetes is a harmful myth and I don't think it's good to spread it. Source: American Diabetes Association.
The thing is, your story would work just as well if Pinkie had almost any other chronic ailment. She could have a heart condition, for example, or something that would limit her activity--and something that might make it far less certain that she would be "all right." The story itself is not bad, and it centers around a good moral question. Your handling of Big Mac is particularly nice. But between the cliche and the health myth, the diabetes element pulled me away from the story quickly. I did think this is something that needed to be said, though, for other people as much as yours, and I hope it did not hurt your feelings. I'm really sorry if it did. You are a good writer. (It goes without saying, I hope, that I did not downrate your story.)
4402393 Well, yes--but not from eating too much sugar.
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Thanks for your thoughts. I went back and forth on the moral part, since it's not something I've done before, and your points are valid. It seems clarity is my main transgression here, and now I know what I need to focus on!
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The Pinkie-diabetes comment is a fair point, though I honestly didn't pick it because eating sugar causes diabetes - rest assured that I know full well how diabetes happens, as quite a few of my family members have gone through the struggle. It was more the harm an overly sugar-based diet creates when you already have diabetes and the (sometimes extremely difficult) lifestyle change that follows that I wanted to highlight. It's my fault, however, if that didn't come across in the writing.
I really appreciate your feedback and, no, you did not hurt my feelings.
4446426 I see. That makes sense. Thank you for being so nice about the critique!
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Of course! I did ask for it, after all.