Color Scheme
I was just workin' in the art shop with my mom. I think it was in the Summer, because everything was super warm with the sun streaming through the windows. Using my expert skills, I was putting the finishing touches on a painting of the Everfree Forest. I heard the bell on the door ring, looked over, and saw HIM. He came in shyly, as if he didn't exactly know if he was supposed to be there. My mother started to walk over the counter, so my legs worked overtime to get there first. "Hi," I said stupidly.
"Uh, hi. I'm here for a... painting," he said specifically.
"Nice, I never would have guessed," I said with a sarcastic smile. He laughed and shrugged.
"Sorry, should have been a bit less vague. I'm here to pick up Moneybags' painting. It has an uptight-looking stallion in it, with one spectacle and a suit," he tried again with a smile.
"Yeah, I think I saw that one in back," I said, dancing over to the curtain that seperated the front and back of the store. My mom was already hobbling over, stumbling with the weight of an immense painting. I gave her a hand, and together we managed to get it to HIM without breaking any bones. He grimaced.
"Wow. I knew it would be big, but Moneybags is really going over the top this time. Sorry about that..."
"Color Scheme."
"Yeah, sorry Color Scheme. By the way, I might be back later with another order... hopefully not so... BIG. My name is Falconwing by- Ah! Bye!" he squeezed out before he left, struggling with the bulk of the painting. A smile played across my face, and my eyes couldn't help but follow him. Falconwing - how DREAMY!
I find this to be very well-executed. You have first-person emotion nailed. Now I might not be a big fan of stories consisting entirely of OCs, but I'm tracking this one just because I think it's good. The first chapter might be just a liiiittle bit short for my taste, but you have me interested. I might have counted one or two spelling errors (vauge should be vague) but other than that, I like it. Looking forward to more!
I'm very glad you commented. I changed vague, added a new chapter, struggled through a bout of writer's block, and should get my butt moving to make another chapter soon. I enjoy ALL comments and suggestions from readers and heavily promote them. I think that I might move the rating up to teen or adult in the next few chapters if nopony minds... Finally...
READ ON!!!!!!!!