Alan Dehis has failed his family, and his sacred work. As a Warden of Raasinav, his duty was to protect his herd from poachers and predators.
And he has failed.
Armour stained with the blood of his lost charges, Alan is exiled from his home, and is given a choice by his god, Raasinav himself. Leave his known world forever, or shame the memory of his family.
Alan chose to wander, leaving behind all he has ever known. What will he find beyond the edge of the forest he has been confined to all of these years?
Only the gods will know.
(Crossover with an as-yet unwritten story. Details will be explained in-story, but to get a fuller picture of the world Alan comes from, check out our DeviantArt page.
Cover photo by Shane Wilson, "Yukon Seasons (beginning)"
Thank you to Ink Well for pre-reading.)
*Cue epic entrance music*
media.tumblr.com/a78badda76bfdcd4200484096369130d/tumblr_inline_mlqsmbxlLr1qz4rgp.gif
First of all, That cover photo.
With that as your cover photo, people are more inclined to down vote it, Just because of it.
As for the story proper, A quick skim through revealed a rather nicely laid out story, Plot is a bit... weird due to it being crossed over with something that doesn't exist as of yet.
Probably a few spelling and Grammar errors in there, But I can't be bothered to go through and find them.
right now it's kinda... meh, but im willing to give it a shot.
also, change the cover art, people generally downvote stories with cover art that isn't very detailed.
and i think it'd be better if you'd remove the 'crossover' tag, since the thing you're crossing it with isn't very well known, i suggest you just write somewhere that you're using something you came up with, and tell people to go there if the want to know more about it.
the chapter length and pacing is good, and i don't think i saw any errors in the spelling.
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I'm inclined to agree. Once we have the body of the original work started, I'll re-add the 'crossover' tag.
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As for the cover image, there's not a lot we can do about its lack of detail. We'll try and find a better picture.
>>Edit: I've scrounged up a new cover image, "Yukon Seasons (Beginning)" by Shane Wilson.
Thanks for the advice and feedback!
Liking the story. The character and layout were nice, and the progression is interesting. The original story that your crossing this with gives a well rounded background, if one were to view authors deviantart and read descriptions on said artworks.
Overall, I'm liking the progression and the interactions, the character is interesting, and with his "alien" knowledge makes for excellent writing material in the making of this story.
Looking forward to future updates.
i'm going to change that for my own amusement...
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Heh, bursting out into a song like that would definitely get Fluttershy to bolt out the door. It would probably get the rope-cutting job done, too.
The back story that you have written here is very unique, it is interesting and I don't think that I have ever read anything like it.The story it's self is also very well written, Thank you for sharing this with us.
loved this chapter
keep up the good work
lol
this story needs more views