The Intruder

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Comments ( 10 )

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Dashieagent

Dashieagent #1 · Feb 13th, 2012 · · ·

Seriously....troll.me/images/jackie-chan-whut/wtf-did-i-just-read-thumb.jpg

Dash Is Best Pony

Dash Is Best Pony #2 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · ·

Well.
That was certainly something.

.... I'll admit it though, I'm ready for part two. Sucker for any and everything Rainbow Dash right here.

Count Doofus

Count Doofus #3 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · ·

Oooo...kay...

I think it's fairly obvious you're going for a gorn fic much like Cupcakes and Sweet Apple Massacre. While those stories were the worst ever for some or highly amusing for others, for me personally it's "I can live with it if they put some effort into it." Which is the reason why I disliked CC and SAM, because the authors cared more for shock value than for actually writing a compelling, immersive fic. Case in point: Cheerilee's Garden. I'm afraid this story, so far, falls under the same catergory as the former two.

Who is this Magister? Where does he come from? What is his motivation for killing and defecating on innocent ponies?

Of course, you can blow this comment into the wind and continue with your story as you see fit (it IS your story, after all). Just saying that if you keep it up the way it's going now, you're not going to make yourself very popular.

tomax3

tomax3 #4 · Mar 1st, 2012 · · ·

Amazing what a single typo late at night can do to a story. "causing massive PAN" suddenly instead of imagining brutal Fluttershy debauchery I could only think of the shoe humping turtle from AFV angrily violating a wok (one of those round bottom stir fry pans incase you dident know.) While Angle and Fluttershy give it funny looks So rather than shock and horror I wound up laughing my ass off. IMMD