EveryponyEqual
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Wow. Just... wow. Hot damn, that was good. Nice job. I really would like to see more of you and... you take requests, hmm? Well then.
In the meantime, have a mustache, my fellow brony.
Also, congrats - this is the 700th fic I've favorited.
2614066
Yay, I feel special now.
nice, i like it
Not bad, not great, but not bad.
Twilight's reasoning as to why it had to be a dream was exceptionally flawed as there were more ways Luna could know. There were a few tense problems, switching from past to present and back again, and the action and poses were a little hard to make out as the story progressed. A final minor complaint would be that you don't have to do the whole 'princess of Equestria' thing, just princess is enough.
That said, I still quite enjoyed it, and if you're taking requests anyway... What about Twilight's loving mentor? (there's more to that of course, but how specific do you want it?
)
2614673
Thanks for the comment. Yeah, the tense switching is something I'm working on, I'm aware of it though so that's a start. Hopefully I'll have improved it by the next story? Heh...
As for the dream thing, yeah, I suppose but it seemed like a logical assumption to me. It may not be the only way, but it seemed the most likely considered Twilight had been having the dreams for quite a while.
Sure, it'll go behind all the others and once I'm done those I'll start on that one.
That.... Huh.
I like. I like.
~Skeeter The Lurker
It was okay. I overlooked a lot of the issues because, well... TwiLuna. I love it.
Every gave a thought to trying a longer story with plot and some clop thrown in? Really helps to further develop your writing skills too.
Still, decent job, although you've got some room to grow with your writing.
Gratz on making one of the best TwiLuna clopfics I've read
Definitely worth the fav and like!
Wow...hot.
Some room for improvement but all the same...hot
2615170
Indeed, that is in fact my next project. It's going to be a multi chapter Octavia x Vinyl fic with some clop thrown into it. I'm hoping it does help me improve, I take every piece of advice to heart in the hopes of improving my skills as a writer. I can't wait to look back on these a year from now and see how much I've managed to grown. At any rate, thanks for the comment.
2615360
Very nice, I might have to keep an eye out. OctiScratch stories are another favorite of mine.
And, it doesn't even take a year. I started writing this in December. Just between the first chapters, and then those a few months later, the difference is huge. Nice thing about writing, there's always room for improvement. I'm fairly certain you'll see improvements even earlier than that. Also helps a bit if you have someone who is good at picking apart your grammar and structure.
Either way, best of luck. I'll be keeping an eye out for the OctiScratch, or whatever may be next from you.
I'm tracking this with the hope that, despite the "complete" label, you're going to add another chapter with the letter. And Celestia's reaction.
...please?
I kinda liked this, but... the puncuation errors really killed some mood. You seem to have some hatred against commas, there's so few of them!
2615737
Actually, I used to love commas but people kept telling me I used them too much so I used less. >.<
"Dear Princess Celestia,
I fucked your sister.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle"
That's how you should letter the letter.
2615840
Yep, just like that.
Well written... Now if you'll excuse me, I will go and rethink my life. Good job on the story!
WOW!
That was so hot that...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/424/158/bca.png
2615840
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I, as you may know, like a good joke as much as anypony, but I think you might be taking this one a little too far. I won't tell Luna that you are... saying such things about her. Think about what you sent to me and we can forget this little incident.
Your mentor
Princess Celestia.
P.S. Twilight, I must know, that was a joke right? Luna hasn't come back to the palace for the past few days. Please, Twilight, tell me you were joking!
We, The Collective, would like to state... Yea, that was pretty good
~Signed, The Collective
Interesting..
You manage to make a clop-fiction without story to have a fun base-plot.
...I imagine this will be challenging to explain.
Excellent work, dear Author.
2615840>>2617587 XD i can totally see this happening. All my yes. Excellent story as well.
2617587>>2616760>>2615840
You guys have seriously made me want to add a chapter consisting of said letter.
2618903
Yes pl0x.
Dat ending... I nearly fell out of my chair laughing...
2618903
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
2618903 You're welcome!
2618903 Well why don't you?
It will only make you more awesome. 
In other words, "please, please, mother of Celestia please write the chapter!"
Your descriptions are really bland and mechanical.
Twilight convincing herself that it was a dream was also very awkwardly presented. She does it too easily even though she explicitly notices beforehand it's not a dream.
Requests?
First request: Celestia gets in on the action next chapter. Twilunestia is best threesome ever. Pweeeeeaaaaaaaaase?
Second request: Get an editor. Some of your errors (particularly the flipping between past and present tense) really pulled me out of the story.
That would be a fairly epic letter an possibly a tie in to a three way?
Good story. There should be more chapters for this or a sequel.
Luna and dreams. So many shenanigans one can have with that combination.
I liked it.
And this? "I'm just trying to figure out how to word my letter to Celestia." Hilarious. (Twilight, you don't write to your teacher about how you banged her younger sister and how said sister banged you.)
Celestia, drinking her morning coffe and the aforementioned letter arrives. Cue spit take and shriek of: LUNA!!!
Or something like that. Her reaction to that letter would probably be pretty funny. Personally, I like to think that shriek would be both moral outrage and jealousy it wasn't her that got to screw or be screwed by Twilight.
Have an upvote!
What a great starting sentence!
Doesn't Spike sleep in her room?......
It's a good letter especially since theirs the excuse of twilight saying she lost a few IQ points from the lunar sex.
anyway Hope to see that threesome chapter. that will be awesome if you can pull it off.
im just saying a luna + twi + celiestia is going to be amazing
Pfft-BWAHAHAHAHA!
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Why didn't you say something before? I would've gladly lent out my "expertise" if you needed it, but I suppose you've already met one of the best there is. Still, perhaps you'd like to have a sleepover with me and Luna? I'll have you know the two of us together eclipse any experience you've ever had...
P.S. Luna likes being in the center.
Your talented and skilled diarch,
Princess Celestia.
Honestly, I've never been one for threesomes. Even when it's approved by the loved one I feel as if it's cheating.
But, though this doesn't count much, I'd personally like to see a hostility between Luna and Celestia resulting from this.
Your faithful reader,
Darksons
2737024
Aka: How Twilight really earned her wings.
2738335
A true story.
As an editor myself, just on fimfiction here, not professionally, i can say your work is of much higher quality than what i normally get to work with. Your descriptions are varied and detailed, but not overly-so as to take away from the scene either. As for characterization... as best i can tell, if the show was NSFW, i could see an episode like this happening pretty easily with our established G-rated characters.
I disagree. This is something i could see from Twilight, had she actually done something similar.
As odd as this sounds, this (specifically, the letter) actually reads well in Twilight's voice (or whatever passes for it in my head), and for most of the fiction i read, that simple statement cannot be said for any character. As much as I'd like to say otherwise, because i enjoyed the story, the big stories I've read, like Pen Stroke's Past Sins have only a few scenes where the characters fit well enough into them. I love it when i come across these scenes, after i read them, i remember them much better than anything else.
I mean sure, there are areas you can work on. There are some typos, comma usage, occasional wording issues/grammar, the usual stuff. Pretty much every author has those problems. If you do need a
second, third, fourth...another pair of eyes to look this (and any other non-gore/pure grimdark fic) over, i'd be more than willing to go over it.2740571
First of all, I really have to point out how flattered I am. The fact that even one person thinks like that of my writing means a lot to me. After all, the reason I joined this site is to write, something I'm extremely passionate about. My goal here is to improve my writing skills, and people like you really motivate me to continue writing.
When it comes to the 'in-character' comment I appreciate that too. Too often I find character not properly portraying themselves, it's kind of a per peeve of mine. Of course that doesn't extend to characters like Vinyl or Derpy as really, due to their role as background ponies, they're essential blank canvas. The point I'm trying to make is I always try to keep characters within themselves, and it's nice to know it seems like I'm doing a great job.
As for your offer of looking over my stuff, I'll gladly take you up on that. I'll Private message you about that though.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait hlod on a minute. Doesn't spike sleep right next to twilight 's bed in his bed/basket thingy. If he was there I think the morning went like this
right as soon as she found out that it was real she . Looks over at spike
and then thinks of all the things he saw that night.
"so you didn't happen to hear and see what happened last night?" She looks at him while luna is as well. "Enough to keep me awake at night."
If you know what mean.