Wow. Just... wow. Hot damn, that was good. Nice job. I really would like to see more of you and... you take requests, hmm? Well then.

In the meantime, have a mustache, my fellow brony.

Also, congrats - this is the 700th fic I've favorited.

2614066

Yay, I feel special now.

nice, i like it

Not bad, not great, but not bad.

Twilight's reasoning as to why it had to be a dream was exceptionally flawed as there were more ways Luna could know. There were a few tense problems, switching from past to present and back again, and the action and poses were a little hard to make out as the story progressed. A final minor complaint would be that you don't have to do the whole 'princess of Equestria' thing, just princess is enough.

That said, I still quite enjoyed it, and if you're taking requests anyway... What about Twilight's loving mentor? (there's more to that of course, but how specific do you want it? )

2614673
Thanks for the comment. Yeah, the tense switching is something I'm working on, I'm aware of it though so that's a start. Hopefully I'll have improved it by the next story? Heh...

As for the dream thing, yeah, I suppose but it seemed like a logical assumption to me. It may not be the only way, but it seemed the most likely considered Twilight had been having the dreams for quite a while.

Sure, it'll go behind all the others and once I'm done those I'll start on that one.

That.... Huh.

I like. I like.

~Skeeter The Lurker

It was okay. I overlooked a lot of the issues because, well... TwiLuna. I love it.

Every gave a thought to trying a longer story with plot and some clop thrown in? Really helps to further develop your writing skills too.

Still, decent job, although you've got some room to grow with your writing.

Gratz on making one of the best TwiLuna clopfics I've read
Definitely worth the fav and like!

so cute.

Wow...hot.

Some room for improvement but all the same...hot

2615170

Indeed, that is in fact my next project. It's going to be a multi chapter Octavia x Vinyl fic with some clop thrown into it. I'm hoping it does help me improve, I take every piece of advice to heart in the hopes of improving my skills as a writer. I can't wait to look back on these a year from now and see how much I've managed to grown. At any rate, thanks for the comment.

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Very nice, I might have to keep an eye out. OctiScratch stories are another favorite of mine.

And, it doesn't even take a year. I started writing this in December. Just between the first chapters, and then those a few months later, the difference is huge. Nice thing about writing, there's always room for improvement. I'm fairly certain you'll see improvements even earlier than that. Also helps a bit if you have someone who is good at picking apart your grammar and structure.

Either way, best of luck. I'll be keeping an eye out for the OctiScratch, or whatever may be next from you.

I'm tracking this with the hope that, despite the "complete" label, you're going to add another chapter with the letter. And Celestia's reaction.

...please?

I kinda liked this, but... the puncuation errors really killed some mood. You seem to have some hatred against commas, there's so few of them!

2615737

Actually, I used to love commas but people kept telling me I used them too much so I used less. >.<

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I fucked your sister.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle"

Dear Princess Celestia,
Last Night me and your sister rutted each others brains out. She was amazing, even with the dream sex before, the real thing definitely beat that.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

That's how you should letter the letter.

2615840
Yep, just like that.

Well written... Now if you'll excuse me, I will go and rethink my life. Good job on the story!

WOW! That was so hot that...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/424/158/bca.png

2615840
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I, as you may know, like a good joke as much as anypony, but I think you might be taking this one a little too far. I won't tell Luna that you are... saying such things about her. Think about what you sent to me and we can forget this little incident.

Your mentor
Princess Celestia.

P.S. Twilight, I must know, that was a joke right? Luna hasn't come back to the palace for the past few days. Please, Twilight, tell me you were joking!

We, The Collective, would like to state... Yea, that was pretty good

~Signed, The Collective

Interesting..
You manage to make a clop-fiction without story to have a fun base-plot.
...I imagine this will be challenging to explain.
Excellent work, dear Author.

2615840>>2617587 XD i can totally see this happening. All my yes. Excellent story as well.

2617587>>2616760>>2615840

You guys have seriously made me want to add a chapter consisting of said letter.

2618903
Yes pl0x.

Dat ending... I nearly fell out of my chair laughing...

2618903
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

2618903 You're welcome!

2618903 Well why don't you? It will only make you more awesome. In other words, "please, please, mother of Celestia please write the chapter!"

Your descriptions are really bland and mechanical.

Twilight convincing herself that it was a dream was also very awkwardly presented. She does it too easily even though she explicitly notices beforehand it's not a dream.

Requests?

First request: Celestia gets in on the action next chapter. Twilunestia is best threesome ever. Pweeeeeaaaaaaaaase?

Second request: Get an editor. Some of your errors (particularly the flipping between past and present tense) really pulled me out of the story.

That would be a fairly epic letter an possibly a tie in to a three way?

Good story. There should be more chapters for this or a sequel.

Luna and dreams. So many shenanigans one can have with that combination.

I liked it.

And this? "I'm just trying to figure out how to word my letter to Celestia." Hilarious. (Twilight, you don't write to your teacher about how you banged her younger sister and how said sister banged you.)

Celestia, drinking her morning coffe and the aforementioned letter arrives. Cue spit take and shriek of: LUNA!!!

Or something like that. Her reaction to that letter would probably be pretty funny. Personally, I like to think that shriek would be both moral outrage and jealousy it wasn't her that got to screw or be screwed by Twilight.

Have an upvote!

Twilight moaned.

What a great starting sentence!

Doesn't Spike sleep in her room?......

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait hlod on a minute. Doesn't spike sleep right next to twilight 's bed in his bed/basket thingy. If he was there I think the morning went like this

right as soon as she found out that it was real she . Looks over at spike and then thinks of all the things he saw that night. "so you didn't happen to hear and see what happened last night?" She looks at him while luna is as well. "Enough to keep me awake at night."

If you know what mean.

There are some typos that distracted me:

and she shut her hind legs shut

Redundant use of the word "shut"

Equestria's loyalty

Used the word “loyalty” instead of “royalty”

Luna leaned her had back

leaned her head back

The princess have the younger mare a confused look.

The princess gave the younger mare

"I'm just trying to figure out how to word my letter to Celestia."

Lol

I NEED to see that letter.

Very hawt, but lots of typos. I like it, though.

Dear princess celestia,
Today I learned that if you have a crush on Luna and begin having sex dreams of her then it just might be her cumming in your dreams(sorry about the bad pun) and if you're even more lucky she will join you in real life and you mistake it for another dream you get to buck her silly.

Your faithfully
Twilight Sparkle
P.S Me and Luna are dating now
P.P.S hail dearest Tia thou hast no idea how good thy student is in carnal pleasure, A+++. Truthfully we canst be happier we hath found a new lover, in this new bohemian era. Our mare friend is so adorable. We liketh that, mare friend tis most pleasant sounding.

Celestia sat in her study re-reading it for what felt like the hundredth time, the letter shook in her magic as tear streaming down her alabaster cheeks, mascara running as she choked out sobs.

"Twilight why didn't you pick me?" Celestia spoke in barel a whisper between scoops of cookie dough ice cream several gallon cartons strewn near her hooves. She dropped the ice cream and scoop.
"Neigh twilight shall be mine, perhaps twilight would like two princesses in her herd? And maybe I can try a few fantasies I have had oh Luna" celestia said licking her lips "and any it's only fair sisters share." Celestia moaned out in pleasure as she imagined what she would do, celestia's wing spread out stiff just as she teleported onto he bed, on her back.
Removing her regalia and gold shoes. Her right hoof snaking down to her folds. Gently caressing herself.

After minutes of careful ministrations celestia's mare hood was soaked a smirk appeared on her face as she conjured two horns, one short lavender the other longer, sharper and navy blue. Celestia brought them to her mouth as her long wide tongue slid out licking and curling around the silicone simulacrum of twilight and luna's horns coating them with saliva; with practiced ease she lowered the lavender horn between her folds as she teased them apart as the tip of the navy horn entered her tight anus slowly stretching it, with a soft grunt of effort Celestia pushed the horn facimili into her warm moist depths, as she moaned twilight and Luna's names, her back arching as her eyes closed and her ears folded back.

" yes Twilight, Luna rule me! Dominate me!" Celestia moaned as she writhed in the pleasure of her fantasy, buck her hips up in time with every thrust.

Meanwhile back in twilight's library twilight and Luna while waiting on celestia's reply collapsed on each other wrapping hooves around one another, gasping as moist warm sensations enveloped their horns. Relaxing and tightening around their sensitive horns.
They moaned and squeaked as foreign phantom sensations brought them to climax their horns glowed and as their orgasms overtook them magic burst into the air. This kept repeating over and over till they collapsed further down laying entangled moaning squeak unable to stop the sensations running the two panting mares ragged. Finally it stopped as the sun breached the horizon.

Luna and twilight winced as sunshine poured into the room the sun glowing brighter than it had in centuries. Wincing and sore twilight and Luna slowly crawled onto twilight bed and snuggled up together.
[wow! that escalated and I only wanted to make a letter not a one shot.]

It wasn't too fast, nor too slow. It was just right.

The Mama Bear tribbed her, but she tribbed her too fast. (Seriously, rug burns down there are no fun.)

Then the, er, other Mama Bear tribbed her, but she tribbed her too slow. I mean, it felt OK and all, but there was no way she was getting off like that.

Finally, the Baby Bear tribbed her (adopted, obviously. And also of age, this ain't that kind of story), and she tribbed her just right.

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I see you everywhere